I ❤️ ASL

 It’s very new to me to feel low/sad. Yesterday morning had me questioning everything and thinking about making some big changes. I must be careful about what decisions I make when I feel as I have been. But everything changed when I went to my ASL class. I came out feeling better/happier about things.

Plus, I got some excellent news at my class. The former ‘make your own wine’ store has closed and is undergoing major renovations. Soon, it will open as a tapas restaurant. It’s no longer a rumor; it was an accepted fact to everyone in the class. Woo hoo! Another restaurant on the island.

When I came home from my class, I was welcomed warmly by Her Highness, and then I got down to whipping up a nice big batch of chicken chow mein that will give me a couple of days of easy eating. Then H² and I went for our afternoon walk and when we came home, I had a nice visit with Beth on Facetime. Then the all the Pinecone Parkers sat down to eat our dinners and then made like sloths for the evening.

When I was talking with Beth, I told her things I haven’t shared with anyone. I told here my ambiguous future plans—plans made due to changes in my physical and mental health. And as Beth always does, she gave me clear orders because she cares about me. She reacts ‘like a man,’ in that her responses to complaints is to fix things. I’ve often been told that’s a man thing.

Looking ahead, I anticipate having an idea of why I am so weak in late Winter. It’s hard to plan beyond that, because it depends on unknowns. My next steps will be different if my condition is correctible or not, but if it’s not, I may be wise to move. So, I may have a chat with a realtor. That’s one thing Beth suggested. 

There is a small village of tiny homes close to town. I may have a chat with a realtor to determine what my place might sell for, whether or not the tiny homes can host pets, and what the tiny homes cost. I could also ask her to let me know if one comes up for sale.

I’d love to stay here on the island, but it seems prudent to downsize if I am to live without energy. I face moving at some point anyway. I put too much money into the landscaping here when I moved in. Plus, I had to buy a lot of furniture for a three-bedroom home, and a lot of equipment (including a generator) to maintain the place, a shitload of tools, and a car. I’ve got enough cash to stay here another six years, but then I’d have to sell and invest less in property and more in cash.

It’s good to be thinking about these things now, so that I am comfortable with change if it is forced on me by my health. I’ll be doing what Jay is doing right now. He sold his place, rented for a few months, and is now living in, and renovating, a smaller bungalow with a lovely water view.

I’ve nearly always felt healthy. I led an active life, I’d say. But I’ve a long history with my health. I had all the childhood diseases every child got in the fifties, in adolescence, two days of every week were spent with excruciating migraine headaches. I had major surgery and was in hospital for six weeks when I went to Ottawa for a conference. I had a kidney stone with complications. I’d had two heart attacks by my mid-thirties, AIDS, killer asthma attacks until I got a diagnosis and treatment, and then this fucking C-PTSD/FND. 

But like I said, I nearly always felt healthy. Luckily, the HIV cocktail was invented, and my AIDS was gone. (I remain HIV+.) I had good mobility, and an abundance of energy. Also, prior to my breakdown, I was socially very active.

I don’t feel healthy anymore, and I won’t ever again unless whatever is wrong with me is fixable. I am now actively and eternally in a defensive position, unless…. 

And speaking of no sequé …. I have discovered a wonderful murder mystery series. No kidding! I’m very enthusiastic about Richard Osman’s Thursday Murder Club Series, and I knew from the first sentence I was in for a wonderful, wonderful ride. It’s just delicious writing attributed to the most delightful and eccentric oldies. There’s only four books, sadly, but what fun I will have as I await my friend Beth’s book to arrive.