Friday, October 21, 2016

Faith Renewed

I am embarrassed to admit that I got so stressed about my angina that I made it worse, so my asthma doctor, Dr. Dorscheid, put me on a St. Paul cardiologist’s waiting list. Now I am on two waiting lists and my anxiety has almost disappeared — I feel twice as close to a solution and that the problem is not as bad as I thought. I still have angina but I am not despondent all the time and f**ck that feels good.
I’ve also renewed faith in my Cardinal dress but is doing papier maché ever messy.
I was not truly happy with the armature; it was a plan B — acceptable but not ideal. Next I applied the papier maché and again I was disappointed. I’d envisioned a smooth surface but the papier maché dried with hills and gullies. But as did what I always do, I persevered.
Yesterday morning I fondled the hills and gullies and pondered what to do. Then I thought to crumple some tissue paper and use duct tape to mold into a gulley. Then, once the armature was padded to the shape I wanted, I applied red tissue paper with gesso and I was truly happy with it.
At one point, I stepped back to check its profile and I was overcome for a moment because I was so happy and relieved. I thanked God for my creative nature; it brings me ultimate happiness, its an escape from stuttering and anxiety and it makes being solitary so productive.
In the afternoon, I tested the folding capacity of the red plastic plates I bought to try for the feathers and it’s beyond ideal. I can hardly wait to start making and applying them. They are going to look spectacular.
Then the hat; the punch of this dress is it’s hat.
It takes me about a month to make a dress. I work hard and every day but I take time off too. When I tire of making props I work on the script. 
Space is going to be the problem. My condo is going to be full of dresses but if I get the displays for the show, I hope I can manage. One thing is clear: I am going to have an excuse not to entertain for a long, long time.
Ahead: Revising some dress concepts, completing the list of accessories I will make for each dress and which ones will be worn and the pearl dress. I already have a vision of it and can hardly wait to make it.
 
Notice how my posts are more and more about my show and les and less about my condition?
Love this: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt.
















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