Going the Wrong Way?

This is a tension dog collar. When the dog is relaxed and taking direction, the prongs on the inside are relaxed and fold flat against the dog’s neck. But should the dog try to go off on his own, the tension on the collar pulls the prongs to dig into the dog’s neck.

I loathe this kind of collar but it truly is the perfect metaphor for my speech disability because if I am not speaking, I am relaxed and feel perfectly normal. But the minute I try to speak, my entire body stiffens up and I can’t.

Yes, my entire body goes stiff and not a word comes out — at least that’s what happens when I am alone and try to talk. As I have discovered, though, I am not mute when a trusted friend visits.

Instead of getting better though, I’m disappointed to find my speech is now worse. There is no denying it. I worry because I seem to be going the wrong way. Consequently, I am just waiting for January 3^rd when I go to see Wendy Duke. She is the speech pathologist who will be doing my assessment.

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My friend Beth is dealing with writer’s block; its been interesting her conjecturing about the cause on her blog. I could say that I have dress/costume maker’s block right now. I’ve certainly taken a long break from it. But I don’t care really, because I have no deadline and I don’t care if nothing comes of all my work. It’s an ideal frame of mind for me; the “work” is there if I want to do it but there’s no pressure to do it.

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I went to see Lion, the adoption reunion film starring Dev Patel who makes my heart pound. Instead of a pacemaker, I should just watch Dev Patel movies. Sadly, though, Nicole Kidman is in it. She leaves me absolutely cold; I have yet to believe anything I have seen her do, I’m sad to say.

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I am so happy that I can say I love life. I love writing every day on my computer and looking at the photo blogs that are my habit to peruse. I love my hot baths, the chocolate I eat and the constant demands for attention that Leon provides. I am a very popular man with Leon.

There are some great cheap eating places close by and more than a handful of the city’s finest dining places are a short walk away. And so are several parks and the seawall. Plus, I live in a true neighbourhood, slightly too urban though it may be. There is every store necessary within three blocks.

I want for nothing and every single thing I feel obligated to do is in my best interest.

Blah. Blah. Blah. But this sentiment of abundance and contentment dominates my emotional landscape when I am at home. My blessings easily trump my mental health issue and thank God for that.