Saturday, May 12, 2018

I am Hawaii

I’m identifying with the island of Hawaii. I’m equating my seizures to earthquakes and sometimes, as is happening now in Hawaii, earthquakes can sometimes cause a volcano to erupt. And sometimes an eruption can cause incredible devastation.
Thursday night, I had an eruption.
I’d been sitting in a chair and I thought I’d move to the couch where I could lie down. We were watching Grantchester; I was watching James Norton. My God he’s a handsome man. Anyway … I lay down, put a blanket over me and then Dianne asked me something. 
I remember putting up a finger, my sign for: “Just a sec, I can’t talk right now.” And that’s the last thing I remember clearly.
I used to get migraines. They had a pattern and never varied except once and that time I was hospitalized with what was called a “cluster migraine.” A cluster migraine is an absolute killer headache that gets stuck in the headache’s worst phase. It’s relentless and  needed medical intervention to stop it.
Thursday night felt like a cluster seizure. It was the same experience that led to my diagnosis in 2016. Hello square one.
So for now I think the slow life is in order: Hot tubs, naps in the hammock and nature walks to soothe the soul. I’m re-learning Proloquo2go, my speech software, and I cancelled my planned trip to Vancouver on the 20th. The speech app is excellent but slow; it’s inappropriate for me to use at a party. Based on past experience it’s going to be quite a while before I can speak again.
I have no scheduled visitors and Darrell is finished. I think that’s good in light of what’s happened. I have to pace myself with human contact. I take heart from Leonard Cohen. He fled the world twice, first to live on the island of Hydra and later into a Buddhist monastery. Perhaps the world was too much with him. That’s how I feel. And how I feel, feels better when I think of myself as sharing a condition with the author of Suzanneand Hallelujah

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