Saturday began with a nice walk with Her Highness on a favourite trail. It was cool, but at this time of year, any day when it is not raining is a good day. I loved every minute of our walk. The air feels so wonderfully fresh on my face, its moisture feels lovely. I felt toasty warm; the temperature had risen to 12°.
I met a woman and her strikingly handsome Poodle, a man whom I often see on the Sunday big dog walks with his gorgeous Retriever, Ollie, and Jim and Corinne and their Scottie dog, Abby. Seeing all these people, all of whom were in fine spirits, contributed to my love of the walk. Things that make me feel ‘of this place’ always thrill me.
After putting the groceries away and having lunch, I was ready for the couch and Bruno. More work had come in from the clinic, but I felt the need for ease.
College, high school teacher (2 years), theatre training (2 years); after two years of learning about theatre, I decided I needed to learn French. I moved to Ottawa to learn how the grant adjudication programs worked, and I attended Alliance Française to learn French basics. I wrote an exam that was a route to employment with the federal government. I passed the test. Step two was in interview. I was asked what kind of job I wanted, and what ministry.
I have been proud, all my life, of how I answered her question. I told her, first, that it didn’t matter to me what ministry, but I wanted to be the right-hand man of someone important doing something important. I want to support a smart and productive senior bureaucrat. (I reconstructed what I said faithfully; this phrase, “to be the right-hand man of someone important, doing something important.” That is word, for word what I said.
That’s exactly what I am doing for Dyan and Nancy. I love the support role. I was often a leader when buds were forming on the trees. Now that all the leaves are brown. I loved the Mommas and the Poppas. I really enjoy the background.
It’s my impression that I am speaking, with trusted friends, better than I ever have since 2016. I still have a stutter for sure, but, face-to-face, with friends, I’m good. Also, I didn’t. have a plan, but what started as volunteering for the clinic has turned into becoming a board member, writing for the Arts Council, entering a monologue festival. I talked to Beth. Sidebar: when I was living in Ottawa, friends I made had rented Beth’s family home, and when I stayed overnight, I slept in Beth’s bed. Back to my story. I talked to Beth. We’ve been friends for forever. It made me feel good that she noticed.
Perhaps it took five years to ‘get beyond’ the shock and impact of FND. Maybe I’m becoming more comfortable with the condition. What I know is this: FND is constantly morphing into different symptoms and strength of symptoms. From talking to people I know that many people wake up each day not knowing how it will go.
I think I’m going to ask Dr. Shoja for another session. I want to ask her for a letter that I can give to doctors. Doctors are regularly condescending and dismissive of my condition. They make what is for me, a bad situation, worse. They remind me of some boys and men who looked at me like I was shite because I was not a butch male. You know the words. I wonder what label the doctors put on me to make such a face and speak in such a dismissive voice. And a great way to support a new president.
Later this morning, I Zoom with my Vancouver stuttering group. I love seeing them and chatting every month. On Thursday, I Zoom with my UK stuttering group. I love that experience as well, and this time will be the first time when I am the administrator.