Friday, April 7, 2023

Yay! Sunshine!

Once the monologue is done, I think I’ll start building myself a costume for Halloween. I’m really excited about my plan to use the grant money to pay for the rental of the Community Hall for the party. I hope that my gay cabal will be my partners in this exercise and that we find more LGBTQ+ people to join us. I also hope my alphabet community hosts the Halloween party every year. If we give the money to the group that’s organized the sponsorship of the Ukrainian refugee, I think it’s fair to engage the members of that group as volunteers for our event. 

I have to say it again: Thank God I quit working for the clinic. I am completely at peace with life now. I absolutely love being free again, especially as we are about to begin having warm temperatures soon. 

When I did my monologue for Kris, Nancy and Steve, it was flat. It was awful. When I do it on Wednesday, I want to go slowly and bring life to my reading. Here’s some lines from my monologue: “But when I first stepped upon the stage, I knew something was lacking. I absolutely sucked at acting.” It’s true. The words following that quotation are these: “But I got good at audience attracting, by being me onstage, telling my stories….”

When I did all my stories for The Flame, I was myself. I was always very out about my nervousness. That’s how I dealt with my anxiety, by owning it on stage. Plus, I was funny in my warm-up before launching into the story. My vulnerability and humour won everyone over, and then my stories delivered. They were good stories.

I don’t want to be that nervous person this time. I can do a good job of delivery here at home on my own. I want to try to do what I can do here, for an audience. If I can do that, my good story, told in rhyme and delivered by a person conquering a speech disorder, could really be impressive. I love how Iv can do it alone. I am going to really try on Wednesday. 

I got notice of my bone density test coming up. I read all the instructions where I was advised not to wear any clothes with metal parts, but they didn’t say anything about pacemakers. I’m going to call today to ask them about it. My appointment is not until mid-August. I wonder what it will reveal.

I participated in a bajillion meetings with the clinic, I am doing two performances of my monologue, I’m putting together the big party for Halloween and I’m going to build a costume (something I haven’t done since completing the dresses 8 years ago). It took a long, long time to adapt, but I feel very functional again, my old self again, me as I was before my breakdown. Doing the party with my friends gives me a way of participating in my community in a much more fun way that with the clinic. 

I’m really excited about building myself a costume. I want to make a short show for the night, choosing people by their costumes to do some runway that leads to choosing winners of various costume categories.

Today has become a sunny day, but everything outdoors is soaking wet, so yard work may not be part of my day. I’ll run my lines, do some reading and our walks today will be long and lovely. 

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