Back Pain Day 2; Wholester Day

What a Go-awful day Tuesday was. In the morning, bathing in a hurry to get to Dr. Shoja on time, I fell in the bathtub and hurt my back. I spent the day horizontal; it’s the way Leon likes me. Only one thing got me to move: Ice cream.

Today it is better but I am an erection; from head to toe I am stiff and today is a Wholester day. We’re having a picnic in Stanley Park today. Then I will go to see Bruce (by car.)

Walking to see Bruce has brought a lot of joy to my days recently. The entire route is residential; it passes parks, has stoplights at the major intersections and ends in the tranquility of the Holy Family campus. I rarely have problems with transit now, too, so the return trip is not emotionally challenging either. I can hardly wait to get back to it.

Bruce called this morning. I am glad he did. I know he wants me to visit and I like that. And the weirdest thing is, is that when I go to see him every day I have nothing much to tell him; I have no gossip or news, but we pass time very comfortably somehow. Today I plan to talk to him about breaking up.

I find myself in a relationship with him. I’ve been spending several hours with him a day and I’ve been washing him and moving his body around and I’ve even met his whole family. And my the time comes for him to go home, we’ll have been in this pattern for at least ten weeks so I want him to wean me from him. I don’t want a “cold turkey” separation. I’m sure he’ll understand.

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My session with Dr. Shoja was, as always, fabulous. I told her how much better I was feeling between bouts of muteness. My speech problem has changed yet again; I stutter less and am mute more. Instead of speaking with constant stuttering, I can speak almost without stuttering for a minute or even longer, and then I cannot speak at all. Mute episodes last as long as seizures used to — not long. So I wait them out.

Fall / Back

Above is a silly photo, but it shows the marble umbrella that goes with the dress.

Monday was uneventful. I got important errands done — important to my pets — and only a short visit with Bruce as he was not feeling great yesterday.

This morning, I was bathing before my visit with Dr. Shoja and fell in the tub. Now I have lower back pain and moving around is nasty. Today will be my first not seeing Bruce since his return from Italy.

Why I Love Canada Day

Above are two shots from the route I take to visit Bruce. Here’s me on the bench and my view of the golf course where I sit to have a nice rest in the sun.

Another thing about Saturday… Canada Day.

At the subway station, there were roughly seventy people lined up for tickets and on the subway there were all kinds of people wearing red and flags and costumes. The ride was festive and strangers would wish me Happy Canada Day. I was struck too by how many people who gave me the impression of being marginalized in life out in full red and white glory.

Cars are adorned with flags, the parks are full of red and white people and all the stores are decorated — even the food and flowers for sale are decorated and red and white. Canada Day is a wonderful holiday. We are all deserving participants and it’s non-secular.

And another thing about life… Having hope.

Hearing that the Arts Club hasn’t decided yet made me feel like the Bay of Fundy. I felt a massive tide of Hope rush in. yes, it may turn to disappointment but it’s back and I love living with it. I get to enjoy two more weeks of Hope before the decision. Plus, Rachel tells everyone, win or lose, so there’s no guessing.

A Great Day

When my friend Caryn told the Arts Club about my project the dramaturge, Rachel, said I’d hear back from her by the end of the month. However, in spite of having been told never to end a sentence with a preposition, here is a sentence from the Arts Club website’s page for submitting playwrights: “we will contact only those writers whose script we have an interest in.”

Armed with mighty deductive skills, and always graceful in defeat, I walked to Costco where hot dogs and a refillable coke are only two bucks and I put rat poison in the ketchup and mustard dispensers. Then I had to leave because the noise of all the sirens was driving me mad.

What I really did is write to Rachel. It’s the holiday weekend, but maybe she’ll replay and confirm my suspicions. How I’d love to get a “we haven’t decided yet” response, but I’m pretty far along in my keeping calm and carrying on. (Whoops, a final preposition!)

Then I went to visit Bruce to do the same walk as yesterday and today was just as lovely. And Bruce was in fine form — in fact amazing form. We had a great visit ˆand he played the piano! It wasn’t perfect by a long shot but he heard himself and if we do that regularly over time, he will hear his progress.

But that’s not what’s amazing. What’s truly amazing is the happiness I feel and see in him each day when we get together. Yesterday in particular: He decided to clean himself up so first he took his clippers and shaved with them — he had quite a beard. He did the best he could and then he asked me to finish up.

Then he lathered up and used his (dull) razor to shave himself and then, again, I finished up and that was when, for me, things turned into a life moment. Pulling and pushing his face in order to do a good job was so intimate and personal. We crossed a barrier together.

Then I washed his hair and then I gently rubbed a glycerin/aloe mixture all over his head and face because he has such dry skin now and “cradle cap.” And then I earned my angel wings: I clipped his fungal toenails. Not even his sister would do that, but the podiatrist did not have an appointment for weeks and it had to be done. There’s nothing I can’t do now.

And then Rob picked me up from Bruce’s hospital and we went shopping. With him too, our friendship has become very warm and affectionate. I, who was once so reticent to walk my blind friend Peter arm-in-arm in public, loved walking with Rob beside me, his arm around me.

Then I came home to a welcome message from Rachel (the Arts Club). It ain’t over. I’m so happy; I love living in a state of hope. They’ve moved their reading week to July 10^th.

And now it’s Sunday. It’s my favourite day of the week and it’s sunny — in fact, I’m worried. I’m afraid we’re in for another drought this summer and more trees and fish will die. It’s been sunny for a couple of weeks now and nothing but sunshine and warm temperatures are predicted.