Resting

After my “great, great” morning yesterday, today began on a low. Sometimes my dreams are so upsetting that when I wake, I want to go back to bed to recover from the ordeal of the night. So that’s what I did, after feeding the pets and lighting the fire.

Yesterday afternoon I had a fright. I was working at the computer and suddenly my vision went wonky. I was at my computer when I abruptly started seeing in double vision. It really scared me. I rubbed my eyes and wandered around in a fright wondering what and why. It lasted about ten minutes and then, to my huge relief, my vision corrected itself.

Today, I feel shitty. I await a better day tomorrow.

A Great, Great Morning

Sometimes I don’t know how badly I’m feeling until I experience relief.

I rose this morning and, first of all, I didn’t hear rain. Then, once the cats were fed, I went outside for wood and saw the moon. Today was getting off to a great start! I lit the fire and then opened up my computer. There was an email from Dr. Shoja.

This is what it didn’t say: “I am able to confirm an appointment at one pm on January nineteenth.” Instead, there were these two sentences: “I'm glad that we can do a zoom visit;” and “Looking forward to meeting with you.” Not only that, she opens with “Hi Chris.” I couldn’t wish for a more welcoming response to a request to confer.

She’s been at my side for almost five years. Five years! And it’s all free. I’m humbled by the medical system and her generosity of spirit. I could not wish for a finer psychiatrist and human being. The sense of welcome in her message, the absence of clinical indifference means a great, great deal to me. I feel so privileged to have her in my life, even though our meetings are rare now, is overwhelming. It feels so precious to me, I don’t count on it. I can’t. So, her choice of words exhilarates me.

Then I saw on my news feed that a black Baptist minister, Reverend Raphael Warnock, has defeated human waste Kelly Loeffler in Georgia, and that Democrat Jon Ossof was currently (barely) ahead of Republican David Purdue. I had this overwhelming sense of relief that decency was triumphing over hate and it made me cry. The world felt like a much better place this morning, regardless of the virus.

•

Rain drenched us yesterday, but the wind didn’t reach storm velocity. I had power all through the day and night. Phew! Today and tomorrow are predicted to be dry, then eternal rain returns for another long stay. This is feeling biblical! 

And still no mail/books and many of the shelves of our grocery store are empty. There were little but canned and frozen goods remaining. Luckily for me, there were piles of Brussel Sprouts and so I came home happy to have some fresh vegetables, and I’ll check in again this morning on my return from taking Her Highness in for a grooming appointment.

The weather will keep my spirits high today and I’ll be conscious all day of my good fortune about seeing Dr. Shoja.

A Strange Dream; Storm a'Comin'

 After our walk, yesterday, I wrote another short essay for STAMMA the British Stuttering Association and completed a study questionnaire for the University of Nebraska; the Stuttering Labs there are researching how adults who stutter think about making a positive change to their stuttering.

I also heard from Dr. Shoja and will be having an appointment with her via Zoom which, for me, is a little like getting an appointment with God. Prior to Covid, it was deemed unethical to have an appointment via the Internet, but now it’s ethical and I’m thrilled to be able to connect with her.

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Since rearranging the living room, the cats have been using the underside of my sofa as their go-to plaything. They opened up the lining on the underside of the couch and started climbing into it and scratching out the stuffing. I exploded at them this morning when I heard them destroying it at four-thirty am. I screamed and then pushed everything out of the way so that I could expose the underside of the couch.

I found some thick, heavy black plastic in my shed that I got for some reason, and used it to seal up the couch and then I wrapped some large pieces of Styrofoam I’d kept in my studio in the same plastic and I slipped my work under the sofa. I was mighty fed up with their antics. Today, I’ll see if the local pet store has citrus spray to further discourage their interest in the furniture.

For now, as I read in the living room, I keep a spray bottle of water by my side to spray either of them who venture near the underside of my furniture.

And speaking of reading; it’s saving my sanity. By choosing award-winners, I’ve easily engaged with all my purchases.

I took my undergrad degree in English lit and then never read another work of fiction. I became a passionate reader of non-fiction and enjoyed some books that I’ll never forget: The Map That Changed the World, A Short History of Everything; The Professor and The Madman, The Meaning of Everything-The Story of the Oxford English Dictionary, to name a few of my favourites.

And then I switched back to an exclusive interest in non-fiction. I revel in the creative imagination of so many authors. Non-fiction, for me, was about learning, whereas fiction feels more about enjoyment.

•

Last night was weird, but also neat. I had trouble going to sleep and then suddenly, I was inside Dr. Shoja’s home. At one point she was beside me, naked and porcelain white (influenced, perhaps, by my having watched a show about my idol Sandro Botticelli), and then she was an old woman. And there was a large extended family eating at a picnic table in her great room.

And I kept asking people, “How did I get here?” Because, the thing was, I knew I’s been in my bed and having trouble sleeping before being somehow teleported into her home. It was so weird to feel so confused about being in her home—not because I was in her home, but because I knew I was supposed to be in bed. I’ve never ever had a dream like that before.

When I awoke, again, it was a relief to realize I’d been dreaming.

•

We’ve been issued a severe storm warning for today. Will I be intimate with my generator this afternoon or evening, I wonder?

A Wet, Wet Walk

I realize boredom is creeping into me. I think about food a lot; eating is something to do and a source of pleasure. Last night, I went to bed at eight-thirty, largely because I was bored I think. (I’d been up since five am; my days can be long.)

This morning I was up at four-thirty and guess what: It’s raining.

But yesterday was anything but boring. I was euphoric all afternoon because I went for a long walk with Sheba under a clear blue sky. The sun came blazing out at noon creating huge low and thin clouds of water evaporating off the trees and exposed ground. The sun was warm on my skin; it felt like Spring had arrived. I walked for hours wearing just a hoodie and no coat. It was wondrously warm. I reckon, were it not for Covid, our news would be full of stories about climate change for this must be a record-setting warm spell for this time of year.

The warm weather, and the rain, is predicted to last indefinitely. Sigh. When I see a forthcoming break in our incessant drowning, I’m bolting for the big island with Her Highness.

Last night I had a dream in which I was social distancing. That was a first. And I was also speaking fluently, so this morning I tried speaking, kind of hoping I’d somehow miraculously been cured. But no. I’m still mute when I try to speak here at home alone. Hope doesn’t die easily or quickly.

I’m happy that all the festivities are over. I’m very happy to be starting a “normal” week of five “working” days, and I hope our grocery store recovers from the interruptions to supplies. Our shelves have been semi-bare for almost ten days.

Today, I’ll start another book, Fleishman is in Trouble. I have a few left to read as I continue to wait for those ordered on December thirteenth and promised to be delivered before Christmas. Hopefully soon, the postal system and Amazon delivery will also soon be back to normal.

My friend DR has blessed me with a new source for books: The website, Not Amazon, currently serves independent stores in four cities (Toronto, Calgary, Vancouver and Halifax), and the Vancouver home page is largely booksellers. There are, however, many different categories of goods to peruse.

But before I park myself in my reading corner, Her Highness and I went on a wet forest walk. Here are some photos of the Trail of Rivers and Lakes, aka, the Windecker Trail. (Sorry, but some are blurry because I did not want to get water in my camera.)

This walkway is new this year.

This raging river doesn't exist in Summer.