Fluency

Tuesday was a lovely gentle day. I love every day that comes with no agenda. I love being able to do whatever I want. And I really love a day like Tuesday when I feel properly energized. Sunday and Monday were days of lethargy. I had no energy; I blame the anxiety and workload of preparing for Saturday night’s dinner party for my exhaustion.

The best parts of the day were our walks. I watch her as she leads our way along the paths. She knows where to turn and smells everything she can along the way. She never, ever, ever leaves me or the trail. She doesn’t chase deer or other dogs; she is my constant companion. 

And as we walk, I watch here, amazed by the depth of my love and how much I look forward to going to bed because every night we go through the same routines. She warms the bed as I do my teeth and take my medications, and then she stands at the foot of the bed as I put my pillows in place. 

She watches me turn down the covers, fluff the pillows in their place, and then, climb into bed. I have to be quick to snap the comforter back into place before she walks up to me and curls herself carefully and close against me. I feel the weight of her against me and nothing could possibly feel more wonderful. Every night, I fall asleep so, so close to her, feeling and hearing her breathing. Keeping me company. Guarding me. Belonging to us.

It rained all day yesterday, so I read a lot beside a low fire in a log home in the woods and reading about a Chief Inspector who spends much of his days in Olivier’s and Gabri’s Canadian cabin/café in the woods.

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I just realized that I’m now 100% fluent everywhere on Gabriola. I still have trouble on Zoom and the phone, but not interpersonally. That’s measurable growth since moving here.

I ponder going to see Beth in Toronto, Steve in L.A., and friends in Vancouver. But the choice isn’t about how much do I want to see my friends, it’s about how willing I am to become my other self—the person with grossly compromised speech. And for how long?

I like being normal here, so I never want to leave. I have Agabriolaphobia. I might have been living fluently for a while. But I only just realized it last night. 

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I’m going to Nanaimo on Thursday where I’ll likely buy more plants. I’m densifying existing gardens so that I’m not using more water. But I also want more shrubs and trees for the backyard. As my plantings mature—remember: I moved into a home with a yard that had no soil and piles of garbage and construction detritus on it—as they mature, they add gravitas to the landscape. (A bit of a pompous word, but it’s the one that comes to mind.)

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I don’t mind these rainy days at all. I’m in no hurry to do anything, and I love slow says of reading with pets. Of course, I look forward to the sunny days that make it impossible to be indoors. I have lots to plant, and lots and lots of little chores to do in the yard.

I believe the chores I do are a blessing. They get me on my feet and moving around, lifting and pulling and bending and throwing, day after day. What better medicine is there? And it’s right outside my door.

I also love the guilt-free couch crunching in the evening!

Clinic Worker!

Monday began so, so wet, and the weather forecast is for rain every day until Saturday. Shizah! Sunday, however, is predicted to be a decent day; it may be my next day in the garden. But it’s warm and the forest is a pleasantly fragrant as a perfume shop.  Going for our walk was a treat. Then I came home to be cozy by the fire.

At 9:00 Curtis came, and he’s agreed to fall my two dead trees and Leo’s and Merrill’s single leaning Alder. It should happen in a couple of weeks. I hope my front yard plants aren’t crushed, but I must take the change. The two dead trees are dangerous.

After some lovely quiet reading, I went into the village for some groceries. Then it was back home to my book and the fire before our second walk and a soft and gentle evening before going to bed early.

Early in the evening I got an email from the clinic inviting me to work with them. They want me to take charge of fundraising. I’m not clear if I’m a volunteer or a board member. There’ll soon be an orientation meeting and I will find out more then. I’m glad I made it into their ranks; it gives me a way to give back to my community and to make use of all I learned about fundraising and community relations during my career.

Today is mild and overcast. I’ll walk Her Highness, Zoom with Cathy and then I’ll read and/or do some yard work. I’m happy I was accepted by the clinic!

Home!

Sunday was what it should be. A day of rest—complete and utter rest. I was tired from all the preparation for Saturday night’s meal. All I did on Sunday was to go on the big community dog walk, which was, as it always is, wonderful. The worst moment of the walk had me arrive at a curve in the trail and encountering Daryl pulling a long, long shard of deer pelt his dog was choking on, having swallowed quite a bit of it.

Daryl had to pull it out of Pepper with his hands. Afterwards, we could smell him from afar. It was putrid.

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I got three love letters today! That’s to say, emails from three fellow islanders who were kind enough to take time to give thanks for our friendship in a way that thrilled me. It made me realize that Gabriola has truly, truly become my home. I know lots of people, and some have become dear and valued friends. My soul resides here now.

During yesterday’s walk I talked for a while with Dan. He is a really, lovely man. He’s warm and friendly, and he greatly appreciates all I did to help he and Steve settle here. So, yesterday morning he proposed hosting a dinner at his house for me and three Eoin, François and David, three gay men I know here, so my gay cabal has grown from four to seven members.

And Di, Stacy, Bryce, Kris and Steve, is another group of friends with whom I often get together. And then there’s my neighbours: Kevin and Shelly, Ali and Peter, and Merrill and Leo. There are all people with whom I dine periodically in their homes and mine. Add my pets and my backyard … paradise.

And speaking of the backyard, I can hardly wait to get it cleaned up in the next stretch of good weather. It’s my sanctuary. But now, when I look out at it, as I always do when I fetch wood or go to the studio, because it makes me feel like the luckiest man in the world. And now, in my landscape, is a friendship gate, wherethrough, I see, and can visit, with Merrill, Leo and Issa. It keeps getting better here.

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This morning, the arborist comes to see the trees I want taken down. It’s very dark and it’s raining, so I won’t be working in the yard today unless it stops. The rain is loud on the roof. It makes me want to light the fire and just read the day away.

Another week starts: I expect to hear from the clinic about being on the board this week, and I go to Nanaimo on Thursday for pulmonary tests.

Bear; Dinner; Music

We walked in the rain yesterday morning at 7:30. Even though it was raining, I got so hot and took my coat off and walked in the wet, wet forest in just my hoodie, getting very wet and carrying my coat. It felt good to get home where it was warm and dry. And I immediately got to tidying and cleaning. I was glad to see Bryce and Stacy and to be able to tell them, in advance, that my cake had failed.

When I was done oiling all my wood furniture, vacuuming and tidying, Pinecone Park was looking mighty fine, inside! Being up so early, I was done by 10:30 and could take some time to read and relax before lunch and to go into the final preparations and cooking in a calm frame of mind.

I was surprised to receive an email with rather shocking news: “Heads up everyone in Phase 4, Spruce Rd and general area...beautiful black bear took a swim to Gabriola!! Seriously. I just received a call. Bring in your garbage, keep your dogs leashed, continue to keep your bird seed in and don't be afraid but be bear aware!”

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Whoopie!  I heard from Curtis, an arborist. He’s coming here on Monday morning to look at the trees I need removed. I hope that he feels that he can do it!

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Re: My FODMAP diet. Apples kill me. I’m done with them forever. What a sad, sad shame. But this diet makes it very clear what foods I should avoid. Soon, I test Garlic and Onions. Oh my goodness, I hope I can tolerate them both!

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I managed to do something non-dinner related. I seriously tidied up and refreshed my studio so that if my guests want to see ‘my ladies’ (the paper dresses), I can show them without all the apologies for how untidy my studio was. Then Her Highness and I went for a lovely afternoon walk under a bright but overcast sky and without rain.

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In the afternoon, I listened to Madama Butterfly after which they played some Canadian music to fill the Saturday Afternoon at the Oera four-hour schedule because Butterfly didn’t fill the time. First, they played some music featuring Aric Abramovitz. What a guy!! He is absolutely incredible to hear, so I looked him up on Google and learned something shocking in his past. 

His primary objective upon matriculation was to study with Yehuda Gilad, a renowned teacher of the clarinet who taught at the Colburn Conservatory of Music in L.A. He applied and sent a back-up application to Julliard and waited. Soon he got an email from Gilad saying he had been accepted and won a full scholarship ($50,000 a year).

Then he got an email from Gilad saying that, in fact, he had been rejected. Plus, he never heard from Julliard. And so he applied to USC to be close to Gilad, and when he was asked to audition, one of the adjudicators was Yehuda Gilad. Eric was taken aback when Mr. Gilad asked him why he was auditioning for USC and why he’d refused his scholarship to study with him at Colburn.

Eric had a girlfriend named Jennifer Lee. She had access to Eric’s email account, and she sabotaged his career by using his email account to decline both Gilad at Colburn and Julliard. (Julliard had also offered him a full scholarship). She did not want him to leave her.

Eric hired a lawyer and won a $350,000 judgement against Lee, but she hasn’t the resources to pay and declines to work because her wages would be garnisheed. However, Eric has done exceptionally well and always will because he’s so incredibly talented.

After listening to Eric, the CBC played several songs based on folk tunes and sung by tenor Andrew Haji. What a magnificent voice. It’s clear and crisp, and his diction is perfect. I am smitten. If I lived in Toronto, I wouldn’t miss a concert.

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Much to my surprise and delight, my dinner was successful. My guests were even impressed—and I mean reallyimpressed—with my cake. They said I am too hard on myself and a perfectionist. That was nice, but they are wrong. My cake was a true disaster; I know of what I speak. But the dinner was good. 

What matters is that they were all thrilled with the evening. Stacy wrote me the nicest email I could every wish for about our friendship, allaying all my fears of being a worthless person due to the disappearance of Peter and Ali. I am so, so happy all went so well. It means today will be a lovely easy restful day. It’s my favourite day of the week, my day to be alone and without any ‘shoulds.’ Its Sunday!