Deep Snow!

My friends who attended the party for which I made the cake sent me the photo above. I thought it was very sweet of them to go to so much trouble in order to send me this wonderful shot!

Icicles shot through my porch screen.

My poor plants! So many of them are crushed under the weight of the snow. Yesterday, I went out often with a broom to keep them from breaking. And I kept my bird feeders nice and full for my gazillions of feathered friends who come to visit every day.

It’s really beautiful outside, but the snow is really deep—deep for the climatic region, anyway. The accumulation is about sixteen inches deep now, and more snow is on the way. I could not open the car doors this morning, so getting to Nanaimo for my shot tomorrow is going to be a challenge.

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Her Highness and I passed on our morning walk yesterday, but we did walk around the block. There’s just too much snow to drive to one of our trails. It was a day for chillin’ indoors together yesterday, and it will be today, too! I love sitting on my chaise, covered in a blanket, armed with a drink, and reading beside my huge living room window. I wave to passers by, and I can monitor my big Rhodo to know when it’s time for another sweeping.

All this snow and power failures makes for a lot of work! But at least Christmas is over. And soon, NYE will also be over for yet another year. Onwards to 2022!

Today I’m back on my diet. I offloaded the rest of my gifts of Christmas baking. And tomorrow, I go to Nanaimo for my booster shot; Wednesday, I Zoom with Dr. Shoja, and next week, its Zooming with my BC stuttering group and my UK FND group. Life is returning to normal. 

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I saw Kevin yesterday and, in anticipation of his coming over, I’d written out a few things that I wanted to tell him. And while he was here, I could whisper short phrases and sentences. I feel I can handle socializing here with one or two people. The only thing I don’t want to do, is to go to a party where there are a lot of people and too much noise.

I want to see how things go in Nanaimo when I get my shot, and with Dr. Shoja and my support groups before I decide what to do. My only concern is that down the line, I have even more loss and become mute. My fear of getting worse is what’s driving my interest in ASL. I’ve found a site I like for learning. 

Lots of Snow!

Lots more snow fell last night. As soon as it’s brighter outside, I will be dusting off several of my evergreen plants—especially my Rhodos. We’ve about a foot of accumulated snow now.

It was a white Christmas and a cold one! My treat to myself was to keep the fire raging all day, and to enjoy my day of chilling with my besties: Fred, Ethel and Her Highness. I have to admit that it is quite lovely outside, but I’m not keen on cold.

What do Donna, Nancy, Paula, Barbara and Kelly, Regina and Di have in common? They all gave me home baking for Christmas. Sweets are not on my diet. However, I love them—especially the mince and butter tarts. Oh my God. But they must go. I can’t throw gifts—especially food—away, so I’m going to somehow regift them. I’m doing too well on my new regime to eat all this butter and sugar.

At 1:00, the power went off. I just chilled until 3:30 and then I started my generator and discovered that a tree went down a block away, thanks to the Hydro outage website. I was happy to learn that the crew was on site and that I’d have power in time for dinner and evening television. 

During the power outage, I tele-called Dwight, and while we were talking, someone knocked loudly on the door of his bedroom where he was talking to me. As soon as I heard the knock on the door, I was gone, overtaken by a seizure. And people wonder … what are your triggers? My answer: What isn’t?

The power was back just before 4:00. The night was like every other night. At one point, I remembered it was Christmas. It’s kind of lovely with snow everywhere, but it keeps me busy cleaning the plastic garage and many of my plants.

This blog is the only place wherein I can communicate. On the Internet, I am fluent except for anything with sound. Here is where I can figure things out; decide what I want to express to friends. There’s no one who speaks English living at Pinecone Park.

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It’s countdown to 2022. New Year’s is a celebration of the immediate future. Resolution time.

I’m going into it, not liking who I am when I talk. I look normal when I’m silent, but I become a grotesque with speech. It’s in my head that I’m grotesque. Not Quasimodo grotesque, orally grotesque, with limbic spasm, and seizures. I earned that title. I don’t enjoy being that person. Even though I can ‘get by,’ I don’t like it.

I’ve been pondering ASL. I could communicate comfortably and with complete control of my arms and hands. I could go to parties with an interpreter (hired). Being silent would eliminate my worst symptoms immediately. I’d have power over my condition; it’s positive and rewarding and it’ll keep my mind off my speech.

Learning ASL also feels like I’m giving up hope of improvement in my speech.

I can physically feel fear in my gut when I think about next year. When I think about how I feel, I remember how I felt in my teens when I still felt committed to the Catholic church and realized that I didn’t care for girls. I had sin, I thought; I was an abomination. Guilt and shame took me prisoner. And that’s how I feel now about FND.

I thought this through because three days I’ll be talking to Dr. Shoja, and she’s going to ask me, “So, how are you doing?”

I also reckon I’ll ask her if I can see her once a month for a while as I ponder my options and make my action decisions. 2022 is going to be a year of change. New Year’s isn’t something I want to celebrate this year.

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My friend Cathy sent me a very encouraging email about learning sign language. Plus, she gave me some good advice: Finding a friend to learn with me, and getting lots of practice because, she says, if it isn’t used, it’s lost. 

Merry Merry!

Above: The cake I made for Di’s party tonight—minus the sprinkling of powdered sugar that frosts the trees. Di will add that when she serves the cake tonight.

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I’d been looking forward to the party last night for weeks! But I’m glad I didn’t go. I feel Covid safer by not attending, and my day ended without me feeling shitty about my speech because I saw no one yesterday and didn’t have to try to talk. Well, that’s not quite true: I walked with two of my fellow dog walkers (FDWs), but they know I can’t talk and they’re happy to let me walk ahead just listening to them chatting and walking behind me. And I saw Di when I delivered the cake, but I only stayed a few seconds and I let her do all the talking. I left her a note explaining the need to sprinkle the trees with strained powdered sugar.

I spent all morning after the walk icing the cake and trees. Then I had a quick lunch before doing all the dishes and tidying up after all my baking of the past two days. Mid-afternoon, my good buddy and former neighbour, Kelly, came and we had a nice visit over tea and the cookies Paula gave me. I adore Kelly; she’s kind and incredibly skilled at too many things! Late in the afternoon, I delivered the cake to Di’s place, and afterwards, I took Sheba to Drumbeg for a walkabout. Then we came home for couch time together by the fire.

It felt wonderful to come home and settle in. There was a blizzard of sleet when I was icing the cake and so everything is covered in cold, wet slush. I was sad to miss the party, but I can do without the anxiety of exposure and the embarrassment of my speech. Di has promised another get together when I feel up to it.

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I have a plastic garage. It has a simple metal frame with a plastic stretched roof stretched over it. It’s great for keeping my car cool in summer and it gives me dry access and egress to my car. But snow is a hazard. If I don’t keep going out there and using my broom to knock all the snow off it, it will rip from the accumulated weight.

So, throughout the day and the last thing I did before going to bed, I went out to knock all the snow off its roof. I went to bed worried that the plastic would rip last night. It’s been snowing like mad without a break, and it’s predicted to snow some more today and tomorrow. This is the first white Christmas here that I can remember.

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Well … a white Christmas we have! But there was not a heavy snowfall last night, so my plastic garage is still standing. It’s snowing lightly now and there are likely to be flurries of snow all day, so I’ll just read and chill all day. Sheba and I will walk, but our walks will be short. She hates the snow that builds up on her feet, matting in her hair. And I don’t want to slip and fall. 

Merry Christmas all!