Dear Server

Dear Server,

Here’s what you should say when you serve me my dinner: “Here you are Sir. Here’s your [name of item served as printed in the menu]. Do you have any questions about the dish?”

What I don’t want to hear is your soulless rambling of all the ingredients. Neither do I care that the herbs were hand picked by blind virgins at midnight on the east side of a Tibetan mountain stream. Do I care that the lambs ate filed clover before being slaughtered? NO! Neither do I care that my water is melted glacier dating from the time of Nero.

I will judge your food by its taste. All this information is pointless if it isn’t fabulous on the palette.

On the other hand, if there’s a flavour I am trying to identify and I ask you about a dish and you demonstrate a thorough knowledge of it, I will be very impressed. 

Thank you.

Chris