The Terror of Loss

Last night I could not sleep I was seized with so much grief because Leon was so sick again in the evening. I had gone to bed when he started growling/howling as he had done in the morning before being so sick, so often and for so long. I got up and was with him through another bout of endless vomiting.

I cleaned up after him and then just watched him as he lay on the sofa. Eventually, I returned to bed, but I would be overcome with anxiety/grief from deep, deep within me. My breathing became labored; I was in deep stress because Leon is my soul mate.

Eventually I took a half an Ativan and I as I was lying there waiting for it to take effect, I heard Leon eating and then he came to sleep with me. That was wonderful, having him curled up beside me where I could fall asleep with him in my arms.

I was awaked by him jumping onto my bed this morning and he immediately started purring—a good sign. Then he ate, drank water and went to the bathroom and so all seems good this morning and thank God.

Of course this morning, I cannot concentrate on anything. Every five minutes I am going to look at him and see how he is doing—seeking reassurance that whatever was wrong is passed. And it appears to have done so. Consequently, I have to go to a church today and give thanks.