Fluency ... Gone

Yesterday was sunny but cold! My poor emerging plants. And we’ve a few more cold days ahead, but we’ll get lots and lots of sunshine. Nothing matters because all I want to do is talk. Tomorrow night I’m meeting Eoin, François and Jay for dinner at The Surf and really looking forward to talking well with them.

My day became active at 10 am. That’s when I Zoomed with Cathy. We mostly talked, but we hadn’t ‘seen’ each other for a long time. She lives in Nova Scotia. But we’re going to continue weekly, and we’re going to find a way to increase our time signing. It was really fun to talk to Cathy; she is full of joy and enthusiasm. We had a really good time.

I went into the village for essential cat supplies and to get gas for the car. The pump wasn’t working, and so I had to pre-pay inside the store. I went in looking forward to speaking but when the clerk asked me what I wanted, nothing came out. And now I can’t talk aloud when I’m alone again. 

If you follow this blog of late, you’ll understand why it seems to me like a circuit is shorting somewhere, catching and breaking. It all seems random to me. What I hated in the Chris and Frani episode was being blamed for not having control over FND. They thought I should be able to “snap to.” But I can’t.

For the first 5 ½ years, my condition subtly evolved. Symptoms went away, others became milder, and my speech got worse. There were no jerks, it was continual smooth evolution. Until December. And ever since, things have been going off and on like a faulty connection to a light bulb. I’ve experienced several sudden gains or losses of symptoms.

I thought the sudden fluency would last longer. I’m not lamenting. I can ride this beast. It can do to me what it wants, I’m just going to carry on focusing on the abundance of reasons to be happy about life in this paradise that is, Pinecone Park.

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It’s bright and sunny again today. And cold! It’s -7° as I head off to walk with my friends. I’m wearing my polar jacket to keep warm. I’ll be staying indoors and close to the fire today, reading and doing some studying. It hurts to stay indoors on such a sunny day, but hey, I’m a pansy.