Thursday, February 2, 2017

Back at It! Yes!

Beyoncé has announced that she and Jayz are pregnant with twins so there are two more back people inside Beyoncé that there are in Trump’s Cabinet.
I follow a lot of bloggers and you kind of feel like you know them a bit after a while because, after all, you are reading about their values as they write comments on world events and imagery. One blog I’ve followed on and off for a decade is Nothing to do with Abroath written by a fellow named Kev.
He hasn’t blogged since January 16th and his blog, like mine, had turned into a medical journey as he struggled with cancer. Sadly, I found out yesterday that he has passed away.
I, on the other hand, am reborn and wiser.
I had another great session with Dr. Shoja yesterday. She is my source of calm instead of drugs.
From April 9 to December 20th, I had a speech problem—a really bad stutter. I had a new baseline speech level I’ll call Base Level.
On December, an angry out-of-control woman went ballistic at me at Cirque du Soleil and my speech got worse. It took a month to get back to Base Level. And then, last week, the doctor theorized about Parkinson’s in front of me and now I am even deeper into dysfluency than ever—plus, I have huge mobility issues. I know I will get back to Base Level but it will take a month or longer.
C-PTSD makes me incredibly vulnerable. I get it now. And triggers can come from anywhere—from out-of-control bitches to amazing compassionate doctors.
The question becomes: How can I protect myself?
One way is to stay home. I do a lot of that. The other way is to “toughen up;” Dr. Shoja and I know that is an unrealistic expectation right now. So the other way is to take drugs.
Dr. Shoja is not a pill pusher. I decided not to take daily drugs. I’m going to take my chances and hope I get stronger at managing what comes along. I doubt I’ll have any more scary diagnoses about my speech and I have my orange pills (that really work) when things go wrong.
I can get back to my project now that my mind is clear of fear and confusion.
Dwight is coming at lunchtime to help me get rid of my dining room table and I am going to put two chairs in storage.
I’m keen on a gambling dress. I’ve been getting stuff for it and delaying getting started on the (messy) sports dress.

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