Fire Hazard

Above is my homemade fire hazard. It’s a sauna, the water comes out of the papier maché drying inside. The heat comes from my heater right beside paper. It’s actually my drying chamber. Things have to dry in a certain shape so they have to dry quickly and be carefully supported whilst they are drying.

I hated seeing the neurologist. It was not my idea! He reassured me there was nothing wrong with my brain. I knew that. But there is and that says a lot about him. There is just nothing pathologically wrong with my brain and there’s a difference. He didn’t make the distinction so he winds up giving me that “you have wasted my time” feeling when he says: “There’s nothing I can do for you.” I knew that. I didn’t expect him to do anything. I just wanted out of there and to take a bath and pretend it never happened.

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Okay… another lesson learned. Dr. Shoja says that the more I stay inside, the harder it will be to go outside. I’m sort of already noticed that. So point taken. I may try early morning walks when summer the hot weather comes, when it is quiet and tranquil — like at 5:00 am.

As my friend Beth did, Dr. S. cautioned me about “getting my hopes too high” about the Arts Club. Will I be sad if they say No? Probably. Will it last? I doubt it. The thing is, the key voice (the dramaturge) has read a scenario and scanned the first draft and she called it “brilliant.” That was the actual word she used and that word is why I am so excited. It’s her fault.

If the Arts Club does say No, I will ask for insight into its deficiencies if they don’t offer it. Doing so would make the experience productive and worthwhile and ease the pain. But I know that soon my mind will turn to Plan C: finding a co-producer and carrying on or using them in some way as a fundraiser for a charity.

There’s a charity here that gives makeovers to women on the Downtown Eastside who are determined to find a job. The charity dresses them up, coaches them and helps them with a resumé and I think that might be a good fit with my dresses. I could organize a charity auction of the ladies, perhaps, and take a percentage to recover my costs…. It’s an idea.

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After a long time thinking about it, I wrote to Boca and told them what I thought of their rejection process. I told them I was writing on behalf of future applicants. Their treatment of me was really insulting; they should have offered some insight in return for all the work I did and I said so. I am certain that their rejection was cut and pasted into all the rejection emails to program applicants.

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Three letters to Charlotte came yesterday. It’s exciting to have them to add to the Arts Club package.

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This morning, 9:00 am, I’ve an appointment with the new physiotherapist. I am keen to see what he says and does but I am not looking forward to another day of stuttering and spasticity. I’m f**king sick of stuttering and jerking.