I’ve been terribly busy, hence the delay in posting.
thursday
I labored for eight hours to make Ali’s cake. They expect 50 people, so I made my layers on my large cookie sheets. Each layer was thin but large; they were each twelve inches by eighteen inches. It was impossible to manage the layers because they were so large and thin. I had to flip the cooked layers out of the cookie sheets and onto parchment paper so that I could pick each layer up.
The first layer was easy, except once I flipped it onto the large cutting board that I was using as a base, I couldn’t move it. If I tried, the layer would show signs of cracking and breaking apart. I covered the bottom layer with a nice thick layer of whipping cream thickened with gelatin, and then I laid sliced strawberries all over the top of the cream. Then I had to flip the second layer onto the cream, and it worked, but just barely. Once a layer landed, there was no moving it.
I covered the second layer with cream and sliced strawberries and then flipped the third layer on top. It landed well, and the worst of the cake building was done. Then I made a huge batch of chocolate butter cream and had exactly enough to cover the cake. I put six large strawberries on the top of the cake in a straight line down the centre, and into each one I put a very thin, very tall gold coloured candle. I also put little gold stars on either side of each berry—one berry for each of Ali’s six decades.
I didn’t finish until 4:00, and then I took Her Highness for a walk. My poor dear girl had been ignored all day because I was baking. Today, I’ll take her for three walks, and I’ll pay lot of attention to her. I was gasping for breath on the walk.
The evening, of course, involved the TV, but I was too tired for anything, so we went to bed very early. And so, of course, I rose early this morning. I had a lot of chores to do because yesterday was all about the cake. And then we went forest walking with our friends on a beautiful, wonderful morning.
Yesterday I was outside after Pete and Ali came to pick up the cake, and all I was wearing was a t-shirt above the waist. It was 20° and my brain was flooded with memories of sunny days past in Vancouver, France, India and Africa. Birdsong is constant and blooms and buds are everywhere. What a wonderful time of year this is!
I’m keen on a nap and a spa in the afternoon sun and a relaxing day to myself.
friday
Friday was a pretty great day! We walked with our friends in the morning, and as we started walking we encountered Richard, a tattooed mountain of a man. He was instantly wonderfully warm and open. I was smitten immediately because he had class when he spoke. He’s a firefighter, and he’s on Gabe because his step-son is getting married here today.
We walked a long route to show him how to get back to his family. He’d become lost on the trails, but didn’t give a damn because he thinks Gabriola is paradise on earth. It was such a lovely way to start my day, befriending a wonderful stranger.
Our walk was an hour-and-a-half, so I was beat when we got home. I had a brief rest before feeding the family and then doing light minor chores around the house and watering the edible garden and the front yard beds. Then it was time to go to Pete and Alis party—just for a few minutes and with my wonderful neighbour Nancy at my side.
What a house we were in! Friends of Ali’s opened their house up for her party, and it turned out to be the mansion everyone sees from the ferry and covets. It’s enormous and it’s altogether amazing in good weather, which we had, because many of the walls disappear making no boundary between indoors and outdoors.
I made the monster-sized cake, and Nancy made two kinds of cupcakes that were angel food cake. Yum! We went very late in Nancy’s car, and when we walked into the party, people cheered us because Peter had made a speech and thanked us for the cake and cupcakes. My cake was a HUGE hit. People were leaving with large pieces on a paper plate. I felt good, but it also cared the crap out of me because I knew what was coming.
People reach out and touch me, and they call me by name, and they say very lovely things, and on one hand it’s very, very kind and nice, but also there’s this: I am stripped of my anonymity. I feel like I become a commodity, as odd as that may seem to you. I smile back and thank them, but it’s not me, it’s a scared person staying to say the right thing and trying to move on to somewhere where no one will touch or speak to me. It’s unfortunate, but that’s who I’ve become. And like all my emotional states, the come on stronger since my breakdown.
Paula, a friend from the Sunday dog walking group that I quit long ago, she was at the party without her partner Johnny, so we talked together for a long time. Paula is someone I love and feel very safe with, but it was hard speaking to her. I had a lot of head shaking, but she is all heart. I adore her, and I can tell that she likes me. She sought me out when she saw that I was leaving, gave me a hug, and said some very nice things about me and our friendship. And oh, that feels good!
And now, the best thing about Friday. And … the best thing to happen this year. The best thing to happen in a long, long time.
Last night, I was on the chaise watching TV and Sheba, as usual, was on the floor staring at me because she wanted food. She drives me crazy. If you’ve ever seen sheep dogs work, you’ve seen them fixate on the herd. They never stop staring at the sheep. They have OCD, and Sheba is like that at night because I’m just sitting there begging to be manipulated.
I kept patting the chaise, encouraging to come up onto it with me, but no, she stayed on the floor and kept staring, I must have invited her ten times or more. Then, suddenly a seizure came on that was very different from any previous seizure I’ve had. I felt sadness, and my eye lids were fluttering up and down at a million miles per hour.
It ends very suddenly, as though a broken switch has been fixed. My lights come back on. But I’m not totally functional for a while. I need a bit of time to readjust to life, but as soon as I was ‘back’, I looked at Sheba. And Herself rose from the floor and put one arm over mine, and then she licked my hand as she looked at me. I reached out to her, and she got up on the chaise, and that fucking amazes me. She did that on her own. Can you imagine how I feel for her now?
What Sheba did made today one of the best days in years. But that happened after the group welcome and Paula. There are lucky days!
saturday
Today is, of course, sunny, so I will have to do watering today, and I plan to do some wood schlepping, moving bark that Grayson has piled tidily in two places of the yard to a permanent storage place. I’m relishing a day without anything at all on my schedule. However, today is the day that Dave and Ursula take the window that caps the roof of their yurt out of my studio—I’ve been storing it for them for the past year—and they install it. Andrew, the handsomest man in the world (tied with Grayson) is here to lead the crew in its installation. It’ll be exciting to watch and to see finished.
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