Needs and Desires

I am well known as a walker. “Walking” for me means about three hours of locomotion during which time, I think. I like to listen to music in my last hour, but for most of the time I like to think about my projects and the things I see. Yesterday I thought about why I do what I am doing—the costumes and so much writing.

One reason I am writing so much is that I have the time. The other thing is that I am finally writing in a form and style that gives me pride.

Pride drives me. I realize that is why I was teaching, now that I have quit. I was so, so incredibly proud to be a teacher at Emily Carr. But I did not like three-hour lectures and the marking. My course was so intense and had such a deep mandate, lecturing was the requirement for much of the three hours.

So I was glad to quit. And I was able to quit because I found a new source of pride—my writing and, particularly, my costumes. Writing is something I feel I have to do. It’s an odd thing to say, and unpleasant perhaps, but for me writing is like going to the bathroom. It has to be done.

But making costumes is an option. I don’t feel compelled to create in three dimensions, but it is far, far, far more fun that writing. If writing is, to me, like going to the bathroom, making paper costumes is like drinking champagne.