This week I had only one social engagement between my weekly visits with Dr. Shoja. I’ve spent six days alone and almost all of it here at home. My stuttering makes me hesitant to initiate social contact and I think my condition has cost me some friends. And this winter, being the wettest and coldest ever, has forced me to stay indoors.
You can see why having a project is important for me. I am just not a reader; I fall asleep. And television bores me; I can’t sit still or I fall asleep.
Luckily, when I have a project to do I am very happy here but it’s kind of grim to think of this as a pattern for the rest of my life.
Two weeks today is the last day of my first year living with compromised mental health. When I look back over the posts on this blog of the past year I see the topic of stuttering move from an obsession to the background.
It’s fair to say that my project has played a huge role in my recovery. It’s taken my brain away from my deficiencies and focused it on a source of pride and satisfaction. It’s telling that my project has physically obliterated my dining room, the room that had been so central to my pre-breakdown life. My source of pride used to be cooking and baking.
There will be sunny periods today. I’ll go to Michael’s to get a Styrofoam cutter and then to Home Depot to get the Styrofoam I need for dress number ten. I’m on a roll.