Order Restored

Thank God that I can escape into this wonderful big fat book today. And I get a great lift from going outside and looking at my gardens. The impact of brining Bronwyn in has been huge. My gardens are looking great. She is going to come back in late Winter to prune my fruit trees, so we’re done for this season. Come next Spring, it’s going to be exciting to see the gardens come back to life and to add the watering system.

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Dianne is also reading The Covenant of Water, so that’s fun. We’ll be able to talk about it together. 

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At 9:15, Her Highness and I left to meet our friends for a morning dog walk together. I took my boogie board, but I was surprised to find that I could speak with them in my nasal lispy voice. It’s odd; I keep thinking it would feel good to cry, to release my sorrow and fear, but I am not a crier over such things. I am an adapter. But I feel very poorly about this decline in my capacity. Still, I won’t write endlessly about it. I needed to get the change off my chest on this blog yesterday, but I’m not going to dwell on it.

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Work on monologue 2 is on hold. What’s the point?

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I had my first seizure under this new order, and it was severe and odd. My arms have changed from flailing outward and jerking, to folding inward against my chest. It’s very intense and it is brutally hard to breathe. I’m sure I’ll get used to this new reality, but it’s going to take some time.

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Walking with my friends was a really good experience. Although my speech is dreadful, I can be understood. What’s weird, is that part of the problem is my tongue. It keeps wanting to come out of my mouth when I try to talk. It gives me a kind of lisp, and my mouth distorts horribly as I struggle to speak.

The rest of the day was soft and gentle. I read a lot and lit a fire. But all the fear and sadness of Thursday over the decline was gone. I sound horrid, but I can be understood—barely at times, but I needn’t be afraid of anything because there is still enough capacity left to communicate.

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Today was predicted to be a stormy day, but today has dawned bright and clear. I’m happy because I’ll enjoy a long leisurely soak in the spa today, and I’ll read more of my engrossing book. I’m back to my usual state of bliss because I know I can still communicate and because friends have promised to stick around.