I can hardly wait to see4 All The Light We Cannot See. It’s coming to Netflix on November 2nd. I loved every page of the book. It’s a wonderful story on the page, and I see in this preview that Hugh Laurie, a fabulous actor, plays Etienne Le Blanc.
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Yesterday began cloudy but quickly turned into a truly lovely warm day. And hooray! I got my home insurance at half the price of my former insurer. What a great relief it is to have insurance at an affordable annual cost. And, thanks to Kris, I am in the process of securing a wonderful new way of relating to Vancity Credit Union (where I bank) whenever I have need for a consultation. That, too, is a huge relief for me.
Much of my morning, yesterday, was taken up with a Zoom call with my UK stuttering group. It was a great session and everyone in it was given a link to my monologue after Stacy, our leader, told everyone about it.
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I have an uncomfortable relationship with praise. How could anyone not like praise? You’d think everyone likes it, and I do, in a way. But the pleasure is vastly, enormously, and painfully outweighed by the horror of being the centre of attention.
Steve and our friends threw a surprise birthday party for me once, and they all were part of buying me a return ticket to France. The party was a surprise, and there were about 40 people in our house. But then, Steve had everyone gather in our dining living room, and he sat me on a chair to receive my gift.
I opened it, saw the ticket and then raised my head to face my firing squad. I had intense physical pain from my level of anxiety. Steve was filming the whole thing, and at the big moment when I open the envelope, he zoomed in, and you can see the horror in my face. My hands are on my head because I feel like the back of my head is going to blow off. And if you look at my face, you immediately wonder what is wrong.
That was one of the most painful emotional experiences of my life. And whereas I love doing my little shows, the interaction with friends and strangers afterwards is painful because everyone wants to be nice to me. I’ve asked for it by performing, but I understand the afterwards after as the price I pay.
With the monologue, a few of my friends have seen me perform it, but most have seen it online, and so praise is coming via video call or email and one at a time. This time, it’s far, far more comfortable for me. But I’m glad the film was of a performance, not me as talking head.
I don’t. have stage fright, I have audience fright.
•
I now have email contact with my bank manager, and his business card. He has written that I am free to contact the bank through him. As per usual, when I am the beneficiary of human kindness and generosity of heart, I get emotionally overwhelmed—with relief, gratitude, happiness, success … so many things.
Kris was central to solving my two most grievous communication problems. Fixing the bank was the last fix I needed. I am now fully adapted. It’s taken 7 years to get here. I’m having Thanksgiving dinner with Kris, her sister and our friends this weekend, and I’m going to make a toast to her.
•
I knew I liked boys when I was 7 or 8 years old. I played with neighbourhood boys when we were very young and innocent-ish. I didn’t come out until I was twenty-four. I practiced in Europe. When I went to live in Nice, I came out to my best friend there. She was the first person I told. Word spread amongst our mutual friends, and I got comfortable with people I knew I wouldn’t ever see again once I came home.
But that was not a conscious plan. I just went to France to learn French. But when I met Marie-Claude, I found a soul mate. She was a teacher in a language program in which I had enrolled, she taught the third term class. When I finished first term, the university did not offer a course for the second term, so I started studying on my own. Marie-Claude saw me studying and invited me to join her class.
I feared being the class dummy, but I joined her class, and it was wonderful. Marie-Claude was very impressed by my effort to learn, and so she started inviting me to do things to practice speaking and to expand my vocabulary, and we quickly became close friends. And then I moved in with her. Coming out to her was the best gift I could give her. I told her that’s how much I liked her. I wanted her to know the truth because I loved her. She was giving me French.
It had been a long journey, but there was societal crime and shame attached to being gay back then. Sixteen years of angst attached to love. I came out because I had to. I was suffering in the closet. It had nothing to do with being proud for me. Sixteen years to adapt to acceptance and adjustment to being gay. And seven years to accept and adjust to having a speech and seizure disorder (due to FND).
•
I had a long Zoom session yesterday. It was with my UK Late-Onset Stuttering support group. We recently added some new members, and it was really fun for me because I share hosting duties with Tracy, a fluent speech language therapist and volunteer with STAMMA. STAMMA is our host, and Tracy is their rep, and Tracy asked me to co-host. Only yesterday did I see the value of that.
With no plan, Tracy and I focused on the new people. Tracy talks about patterns and her experience as a therapist in general terms, and I talk about the personal experience of adjustment. I think we did one hell of a good job yesterday. I’m really proud of how we were the face of our community for people like us.
My mantra is: Neither a doctor, nor a speech therapist, nor a neurologist will be your best resource going forward. Your future will be made by you. You will put information from many sources together to form an understanding of your condition, and you will adjust to FND and poor speech. We will be a valued and credible resource for you, and a place of safe harbour.
•
Yesterday began cloudy but quickly turned into a truly lovely warm day. And hooray! I got my home insurance at half the price of my former insurer. What a great relief it is to have insurance at an affordable annual cost. And, thanks to Kris, I am in the process of securing a wonderful new way of relating to Vancity Credit Union (where I bank) whenever I have need for a consultation. That, too, is a huge relief for me.
Much of my morning, yesterday, was taken up with a Zoom call with my UK stuttering group. It was a great session and everyone in it was given a link to my monologue after Stacy, our leader, told everyone about it.
•
I have an uncomfortable relationship with praise. How could anyone not like praise? You’d think everyone likes it, and I do, in a way. But the pleasure is vastly, enormously, and painfully outweighed by the horror of being the centre of attention.
Steve and our friends threw a surprise birthday party for me once, and they all were part of buying me a return ticket to France. The party was a surprise, and there were about 40 people in our house. But then, Steve had everyone gather in our dining living room, and he sat me on a chair to receive my gift.
I opened it, saw the ticket and then raised my head to face my firing squad. I had intense physical pain from my level of anxiety. Steve was filming the whole thing, and at the big moment when I open the envelope, he zoomed in, and you can see the horror in my face. My hands are on my head because I feel like the back of my head is going to blow off. And if you look at my face, you immediately wonder what is wrong.
That was one of the most painful emotional experiences of my life. And whereas I love doing my little shows, the interaction with friends and strangers afterwards is painful because everyone wants to be nice to me. I’ve asked for it by performing, but I understand the afterwards after as the price I pay.
With the monologue, a few of my friends have seen me perform it, but most have seen it online, and so praise is coming via video call or email and one at a time. This time, it’s far, far more comfortable for me. But I’m glad the film was of a performance, not me as talking head.
I don’t. have stage fright, I have audience fright.
•
I now have email contact with my bank manager, and his business card. He has written that I am free to contact the bank through him. As per usual, when I am the beneficiary of human kindness and generosity of heart, I get emotionally overwhelmed—with relief, gratitude, happiness, success … so many things.
Kris was central to solving my two most grievous communication problems. Fixing the bank was the last fix I needed. I am now fully adapted. It’s taken 7 years to get here. I’m having Thanksgiving dinner with Kris, her sister and our friends this weekend, and I’m going to make a toast to her.
•
I knew I liked boys when I was 7 or 8 years old. I played with neighbourhood boys when we were very young and innocent-ish. I didn’t come out until I was twenty-four. I practiced in Europe. When I went to live in Nice, I came out to my best friend there. She was the first person I told. Word spread amongst our mutual friends, and I got comfortable with people I knew I wouldn’t ever see again once I came home.
But that was not a conscious plan. I just went to France to learn French. But when I met Marie-Claude, I found a soul mate. She was a teacher in a language program in which I had enrolled, she taught the third term class. When I finished first term, the university did not offer a course for the second term, so I started studying on my own. Marie-Claude saw me studying and invited me to join her class.
I feared being the class dummy, but I joined her class, and it was wonderful. Marie-Claude was very impressed by my effort to learn, and so she started inviting me to do things to practice speaking and to expand my vocabulary, and we quickly became close friends. And then I moved in with her. Coming out to her was the best gift I could give her. I told her that’s how much I liked her. I wanted her to know the truth because I loved her. She was giving me French.
It had been a long journey, but there was societal crime and shame attached to being gay back then. Sixteen years of angst attached to love. I came out because I had to. I was suffering in the closet. It had nothing to do with being proud for me. Sixteen years to adapt to acceptance and adjustment to being gay. And seven years to accept and adjust to having a speech and seizure disorder (due to FND).
•
I had a long Zoom session yesterday. It was with my UK Late-Onset Stuttering support group. We recently added some new members, and it was really fun for me because I share hosting duties with Tracy, a fluent speech language therapist and volunteer with STAMMA. STAMMA is our host, and Tracy is their rep, and Tracy asked me to co-host. Only yesterday did I see the value of that.
With no plan, Tracy and I focused on the new people. Tracy talks about patterns and her experience as a therapist in general terms, and I talk about the personal experience of adjustment. I think we did one hell of a good job yesterday. I’m really proud of how we were the face of our community for people like us.
My mantra is: Neither a doctor, nor a speech therapist, nor a neurologist will be your best resource going forward. Your future will be made by you. You will put information from many sources together to form an understanding of your condition, and you will adjust to FND and poor speech. We will be a valued and credible resource for you, and a place of safe harbour.
•
I wrote a post for yesterday but forgot to post it. It's below.
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