Tuesday was day 6 with my new and dreadful voice. It dawned dark and damp, so I lit the fire first thing in the morning. It was to be a day of reading and chillin’.
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I booked ferries to go to Vancouver next Tuesday. I’ll have lunch with Nicola and dinner at John and Bunny’s place and stay with them overnight, coming home on Wednesday.
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I miss the challenges of writing in rhyme. Yes, of course, I could keep writing. But I’m not motivated because the thrill is gone if I can’t perform it.
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I got the loveliest message from my friend, Stephen D. He told me about a friendship he had with a fellow who has ALS, and how he has plenty of patience and understanding when it came to speaking with his friend. His message soothed my soul and reduced my fear of speaking with others.
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Yesterday afternoon, after some cozy reading by the fire, I made a big batch of pea soup. When the weather turns, I love a bowl of soup. Last night was torrential. An atmospheric river arrived and through the night my house was resonating with the sound of heavy rains on my metal roof. This morning, right after I got up, I lit the fire. It’s an emotional antidote to the deluge we’re currently experiencing.
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Today will likely be spent by the fire. I’m on page 473 of Covenant of Water. There are 713 pages. I’m kind of flying through the book because I am really enjoying it, I have nothing at all to do and the rain keeps me indoors.
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The only souls to speak to in the house are my pets. For the past couple of mornings, I have noticed that the first few short sentences of each day come out of me in full fluent voice. It’s my natural voice and it’s perfect, but as I say, it quickly changes to my nasal sound-deficient toneless speech. This pattern gives me the impression that I come back to myself, back to normal, each night as I sleep. I awaken fully recovered, but then it’s as though I’m allergic to life and my speech quickly reflects my uncomfortable relationship with living. Sigh.
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