Processing Diagnosis #3

Dr. Shoja explained to me that Amygdala controls our fight/flight response. It is situated, she said (I think), within the limbic area of the brain where our emotional life is housed.

She told me that parental love—eye contact, vocal tone, touch, praise, care—actually builds a neural bridge from some other part of the brain (I cannot remember the name) and this bridge becomes the “regulator” of the flight/fight response.

My vocal problems began around the time that I had surgery on my throat, but now I realize there is likely no correlation there. I think something else started this voice problem.

I love baths; I have always loved them. Steve, and I had a habit of him sitting on a chair in our bathroom to talk with me whilst I sat in the luscious warm water. But on the night I remember, while he was getting his wine my mind was flooded with uninvited images.

It was like seeing scenes from a movie. They seemed foreign and familiar at the same time, at first, but then I realized I was watching a movie of my early life. I knew they were from my life, true and unpleasant. I feel I had “put them away to be forgotten.”

I needed, I wanted, to believe in our family. I could not face my truth. But my memories came back and I suspect that is when and why my voice problems started.