Healing

Wednesday was glorious. The sun shone bright all day and Sheba spent the day without bandages, without damaging her feet., and without a limp. We celebrated by walking the Elder Cedar trail and then coming home for donuts for me, and her lunch topped with freshly cooked and still warm ground beef.

Over the past two nights I watched two Oscar winning movies: Anora and Nickel Boys. Anora was interesting but harsh. I read that someone had watched the film and counted how many times the word ‘fuck’ was spoken. It was four hundred and ninety something times! Nickel Boys was moving, and I liked it more than Anora, but with my deflated spirit due to my breathing, and the horrid news coming out about Trump, his actions, J. D. Vance, Musk, and the international response to Trump, I reckon I will avoid films that focus on the evil of us human beings.

Now that Her Highness’ feet have healed, I may do some mild work outside today in her company because it is another spectacular day. And we’ll walk, of course. At 10:30 am, I have a Zoom session with my UK stuttering group. I always enjoy these sessions. On Sunday, I Zoom with my BC stutterers.

I’ve been dog walking three times a week with dear friends for the past seven years. I haven’t walked with them for several weeks due to Sheba’s problem feet. I’ve told them that I am likely to become a fair weather walker with them, because in Winter, the preferred walk is the Ricki Ave. trail and it is far too steep for me. In Summer, I will join them whenever they walk the Windecker or Tait Road trails. All this will change, of course, if I ever get a diagnosis and treatment.

When I came home from seeing Dr. Chen on Monday, without thinking I did what I often do when I am feeling defeated. I look at real estate. With so little energy and being unable to do anything even mildly strenuous, I wanted to live in a less demanding place. Or so I thought. Now, I’m deluged with agents sending me listings. I found a few places that I really liked in Parksville, but as time passes and I get calmer each passing day, I fall back into such a love for this Pinecone Park, I want to never leave.

Dr. Chen Disappoints

We arose on Monday to overcast skies. Bright, brilliant sunshine and very warm temperatures for this time of year had been predicted, so I was a little miffed to be travelling under a dark and foreboding sky. But hey, important information, a burger and sushi bought for dinner lay ahead, and I had my Mick Herron book to read during ferry waits. And best of all, Sheba is close to back to normal, but I’ve still got socks on two feet.

Our meeting was a disaster. Dr. Chen said he sees nothing of concern in my tests (even though Stacy and Steve both thought I should have an angiogram based on what they saw in the test results). Instead, again he focused on my lungs as the probable cause of my breathing problem. He is, however, referring me to a cardiologist (which will take another couple of months waiting for an appointment).

He urged me to get in touch with Dr. Dorscheid, my pulmonologist, and ask for stress testing. I told him that I doubted that I could sustain a treadmill test. Besides, Dr. Dorscheid has already told me that he feels there is no possible reason that my lungs are the reason for my shortness of breath. I don’t feel comfortable going back to him. I’ll wait to see what the new cardiologist says. Then I might go back to my nurse practitioner to ask her what I might do.

I feel mighty sad. It’s a step backwards to square one, and not a step forward toward treatment, and now there’s to be more waiting. To live like this for the rest of my life will make living here more expensive as I pay for help. I’ve ordered three cords of wood. I’ll have to hire help to stack it for the first time since moving here. 

Yesterday afternoon and last night are a blur. I was a zombie, going through motions without engagement. I was a sad a lonely puppy, and it seems today won’t be much different. I’m still feeling my disappointment, but time will heal me. I’m still alive and still able to really enjoy life. However, I live with an awful lot of restrictions due to both my mental and physical health. Sigh.

The sun came out in the afternoon, so Sheba and I went to walk on the field surrounding the clinic and I ran into Tracy and Keith. They were neighbours whom I liked very much, but they moved to the south end of the island to get a place on the coast with a water view. Last Summer, Tracy felt very poorly, very suddenly and went to see her doctor. She was diagnosed with bone cancer, and it was all through her body. She’s been riding a roller coaster ever since, and this Friday, she goes to Vancouver for a bone marrow transplant. She’s in for a harrowing experience. As I said goodbye, I realized how mild my problem is and that will help me get on with things.

Now I wait to hear from the cardiologist. I will likely get my hopes up again and there’s a good chance my hopes will be dashed again. The search for a reason, for a diagnosis, will be ongoing for quite a while, I reckon.

Dr. Chen Day!!!!!!!

Sunday was terrific! Sheba was walking well enough for me to take her to the grounds of our medical clinic where there is a large field of grass surrounding the helipad. It’s well-draining soil, plus there’s been no rain for three days so the ground was lovely, soft and dry. Her bandages did not get wet. I was so, so happy! What a treat on My Day.

But the day began rough. I was up at 5:15 to feed the brood and then to light the fire. I went out to the shed for wood, loaded up a light load and headed back to the house, but coming up the two stairs to the deck, I fell, and I thought I heard voices as I was picking up some of my dropped wood.

When I came inside with the half-load of wood, I heard a recorded voice I recognized as I lay the wood down on the hearth; “You call has been connected; someone will be right with you.”

That’s my Lifeline alarm in action. My fall feature had been triggered when I fell, and soon the Lifeline operator was speaking to me through a speaker attached to my phone line but separate from the Telus system. She asked if I needed an ambulance or help from my friends, and I assured her that I didn’t. Then we bid each other adieu. 

I fetched the remainder of the wood and lay the fire. No sooner had I lit it, than Sheba started barking like she does when someone comes onto our property. I told her to shut up, but it didn’t work and soon I heard someone knocking on my front door. It was 5:40 am.

Lifeline had called Pete and Ali (three doors over and on my list of people to call at Lifeline), and they had come to check on me. It seems that although I said I was fine, she heard my poor speech and my heavy breathing and worried that I needed help. And then, when Ali left, Dwight called. Lifeline had called him as well, but he looked at his phone, saw an 800 number and blew off the call, just as I would have done. But when he got up and listened to his messages, he heard Lifeline’s message that I may have been in trouble, and he was freaking out when he called. 

What a way to start the day! But my misadventure was eclipsed by the joy of seeing Sheba so much better after my thorough treatment of her foot: cleaning, re-bandaging, waterproofing the temporary carapace.

In the evening, I watched the Oscars, regardless of my non-interest in America and its movies. I wanted to hear and see what political things were said by the host, presenters and winners. I thought Conan O’Brien was great; I thought Adrian Brody was a painful narcissist. I guess I’ll try to see Anora.

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And now, finally, I am off to meet with Dr. Chen where I hope to hear that there is a treatment plan for my heart problems. I’m dreading another long wait for an angiogram and/or treatment. The big question, however, is whether or not he plans to do something about the ventricular aneurism. 

Bunk beds!

Alarm Alert

The sunshine energizes me. Yesterday morning, as Sheba slept in, I re-organized several shelves and cupboards, and I have started culling things from my life and boxing them to donate to GIRO, our recycling center. I love decluttering and shrinking my inventory of things, but it takes resting every fifteen minutes or so to catch my breath.

Poor Sheba was a wreck yesterday. She has really badly damaged one foot. It felt like torture to remain indoors all day while outside it was so brilliantly sunny and warm. 

When I moved into this place, it came with a large stain in the bedroom carpet that was right at the entrance to my walk-in closet. It looked terribly dirty, so I applied myself a couple of time to removing the stain with soap and water and a good stiff brush. Nothing, however, worked.

Then, about six weeks ago when I was freaking out about the bad smell in the house, I bought a small Bissell carpet cleaner. I never used it, though, because I found that the stink was coming from a carpet and not the furniture. However, having had the carpet cleaner for so long, I decided to try it on the stain. And it worked perfectly. I am thrilled with the results, and now that the machine is assembled and I know how to use it, I’ll be cleaning all my furniture next. Such small domestic pleasures thrill this old weary man. 

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This morning started with a bang in the dark! It was 5:20 am, and I was coming in with wood and yes, I was pooped. Somehow, I tripped, and I dropped a lot of wood, but I caught myself from falling on the edge of the steps. I left the fallen wood and headed to the house with just some of it and I heard voices.

When I came into the house, I realized where the voices were coming from. I wear a fall alert alarm and the people at Lifeline were calling me. There is a device in my house through which they can speak to me. I assured them that I was okay and didn’t need any help, then I got back to fetching the rest of the wood and lighting the fire.

At 5:45, Sheba started barking and that was followed by knocking on my door! At 5:45 in the morning. It was Ali and Pete, my neighbours just returned from months of voyaging to Edmonton, Montreal, Panama and Costa Rica. Lifeline had called them because they were worried. My difficulty in speaking and my audible shortness of breath alarmed the operator regardless of my assurance that I was fine. So, Pete went home, and Ali stayed for a short visit. Not long after she left, Dwight called. Lifeline had called him as well.

The alarm is a great service, but there are a lot of false alarms with this newer device I got a few months back. But hey, better safe than sorry. I apologized to everyone for causing them concern and at such an early hour.

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It’s my day today. It’s sunny and warm and Sheba is walking better because I have bandaged her foot well, so we shall do some modest walking today—very modest!

One more sleep to Dr. Chen. The wait, begun last May, is about to shift from what is wrong to what is to be done.