David Lingers

Friday began with a truly lovely walk with our friends. It was so wonderful because it was so warm. It was 12° in the afternoon! We took a long route to make the walk last a long time, and then I came home to do a thorough cleaning of the house, all David’s laundry from his visit and to put all the Xmas decorations away. It felt good to get the house ‘in order,’ the way things usually are. It kept me busy until it was time to Zoom with Dianne at 2:00. 

I kept busy all day, doing things. It felt good, heading into a new year, to have the place looking as it usually does—and clean. I saw my place and this island through wonderful eyes. David knows little but downtown London, UK. He is like I was as a child, marveling at the little things of the forest floor. He sees, like me, but he has never experienced a log home and a spacious (and cozy) living space like mine.

I am in the right place for me. This Winter, so far, is the best Christmas gift possible. It’s been abnormally dry, we’ve had no storms so far, and it’s been warm. It’s wonderful for me, this warm Winter drought, but not for many. There’s no snow mass in the mountains, and that’s scary for our salmon. And the drought affects the quality of the soil for farmers in the Spring. I worry about our aqueduct and my well.

My eye is better every day. I have not had any pain for a week, and my vision in that eye has vastly improved, just as the surgeon said it would. 

The legacy of David’s visit is a regret that I couldn’t succeed with Steve. I like being alone—especially here, with pets. Dwight feels like a brother to me; David feels like a son, that’s why he’s the prime beneficiary of my will. He gave me a taste of what life can be in an exuberant relationship. We loved doing things together. It was so much fun.

Nothing has taught me more than these relationships I have with Steve, David and Dwight.

In my late twenties, I went to live in France for a year, in Nice. I registered for three 3-month programs in the University of Nice French language school: Beginners, Experienced and Advanced. When it came time for me to take the Experience course, it wasn’t offered, so I sat in empty classrooms trying to learn on my own until, one day, Marie-Claude came into my life.

She was a teacher in the school, and she invited me into her advanced class. The ensuing three months were some of the best moments of my life, and then I moved into her apartment with her, her husband and two children. I could mind the kids for them when they went out, and it’s those kids who taught me French better than anyone because I wasn’t afraid to speak with them, and they’d correct me.

Marie-Claude, and her family, gave me my first experience ever, of feeling wanted. I’d had a taste of it amongst my theatre friends, but it’s a very transient population. That’s where I met Bruce, Beth and Dwight. And early on in that profession, I met Steve. We were together for 14 years. We’ve been friends since; that’s another 30 years next year. 

These people are my entire adult emotional experiences of significance. There are things about David that I can’t tell you, but those things account for the intensity of my feelings for David. I’m a concerned uncle. He ignites my protection fire. Life has felt a little bland since he left.

I feel better about my diet, now that the holiday is over, and I think I’m going to have pretty good vision in a few more weeks. It’s going to be back to reading and my slow safe life, going into 2024. It’s going to be interesting to see how Winter treats us. Will this warmth and dryness go on? It sure is lovely for forest walking! No gloves, not need for scarves or rain gear. I wear my Spring coats.

There’s little flooding on the trails, there’s no scary ice or frost on the long smooth stretches of damp sandstone that emerge on the trail from time to time. There are neither cold ears, nor red runny noses. These variances make Winter change all the time. Everyone from here that I tell about my Clematis having shoots tells me about similar signs of Spring in their gardens.

I have lots of books to get me to when it’s time to get to work on the gardens. I have no grand plans, no resolutions. I just want to keep going and, if possible, free of pain.

Tonight, I party. I go to Kris and Steve’s place, and Stacy will be there. I feel very close to them. These two wonderful sisters have adopted me; they are a wonderful part of my life here on Gabriola. And on Sunday, I’m dining with François and Eoin, my gay pals here whom I admire and adore. Lucky me. Lucky, lucky me.

I've Been Missing Him

 wednesday

Wednesday began with a walk with our fellow dog walkers. It was a dark and dreary day, but it was lovely to be outside walking in the forest. Our morning walks never ever fail to inspire; they are an ideal way to get my day going. 

After our walk, we went into the village to get some dog food for Sheba and to order some refills for two medications, then we came home. Then, not long after arriving, David realized his phone was missing and he worked himself into an appalling state. He went right off the rails because his e-tickets for his flights home were on the phone. I found the phone outside on the ground and he was in such a state, he couldn’t process my telling him I’d found it. I had to yell at him to listen and then repeat my good news.

Peace returned to Pinecone Park, so we had lunch and chilled for a while before leaving for Drumbeg to walk the park together with Sheba. And then we went to the plane office. I waited to see his plane take off and then total gloom set in. I felt sick with sadness. It felt absolutely awful to come through the gate alone, to see his dishes on the table, his blanket on the sofa. My funk lasted through the rest of the day and evening.

I knew happiness and routine would soon return, but the day without him was dreadful. He has, however, promised to return in the Summer of 2025. I love having his return to look forward to though the rest of the Winter. 

Soon after getting back home, I got into the spa to chill for a while, and then I built up the fire and got comfortable on the chaise with a book. Then at the fridge, then back to the chaise for TV. I watched Maestro and wept at the end of one scene, moved by the beauty of the music. It may have been Berstein’s Mass. It was filmed in a church, and the scen was a long one, and while it plays, we see Bernstein and the orchestra, but mostly Bernstein. 

I loved the movie. I’ve long adored the acting of Carrie Mulligan. I was surprised that in a movie written, directed and starring Bradley Cooper as Bernstein, to see Carrie Mulligan get top billing. It’s extremely well deserved. And when the movie ended, I felt a bit better about missing David.

thursday

Thursday was a day to do nothing. As soon as I awoke, my first thought was about David not being here anymore. I had a serious case of missing his company, so I just puttered my way through the day. All I really wanted to do was go back to bed until Friday. I read, I went to the grocery store, I overate; that was my day.

The nicest part of the day was happening on Dave and his dogs, Wynter and Poppy. Dave is a gem of a man. He’s a neighbour and I hadn’t seen him for quite a while, so it was lovely to walk with him and out three dogs. We talked baking. Dave has a sweet tooth like I do.

The one amazing thing about yesterday was noticing that my Clematis is full of new shoots. My poor Clematis thinks that it’s Springtime due to the unseasonably warm weather we’ve been having. This morning, I lit the fire more out of habit than need. As happened yesterday, it’s very warm again this morning.

Huh? A librocubicularist is a person who reads in bed.

Departure Day

Boxing Day was a gorgeous sunny day. We walked in Drumbeg in the morning and then went to The Surf for lunch so that David could take in the Surf’s fabulous view. After lunch, we did some modest grocery shopping and then we went to Rollo Park to play fetch with Her Highness. That was our day, plus we had leftovers for dinner, and we watched a movie. It was just another slow wonderful day shared by dear friends.

David leaves today at 3:00. I’m loved every second of his visit and I shall likely be very lonely tonight. My plan is to surround myself with the kitties and Sheba tonight. I’m not exactly looking forward to resuming life alone. I’ve loved David’s company. He is an ideal companion. I’ve resolved to bring him back during one of our spectacular Summers.

Au revoir my dear man. 

Yay Christmas!

Christmas day began with a short walk with Her Highness because of rain. We had a light lunch, and in the afternoon we watched a movie and while we watched, I did some prepping of ingredients for dinner. Then I got to work in earnest to make our Christmas meal. We had a roast for our dinner; I’d never cooked one before. It was delicious, as were the vegetables (Brussel sprouts leaves fried in oil and lemon juice with pistachios; carrots with mustard and brown sugar; pommes duchesse). 

It was truly wonderful to have David here and to have him to share Christmas with. We had a spectacular slow day together. We are entirely compatible. In the evening we watched another movie, and we sat around and talked a lot as well. Then … to bed.

Today is Davie’s last day. I am really going to miss him when he leaves. We went to Drumbeg for our morning walk in spectacular sunshine. I wanted to live forever this morning, so that I could enjoy more mornings like we had this morning. I love sunshine, I love David, and Christmas can be okay.