Better Breathing

saturday

I fixed a broken door handle, I did laundry, I did a major sterilizing of the cats’ litter box, I cleaned windows and dusted furniture, I cleaned the guest bathroom and did more laundry—the guest bed linen—and I vacuumed everywhere. I also did many other little chores around the house. It was a productive way to pass a cloudy, windy morning indoors.

When I do my laundry, I hang all the t-shirts and hoodies on hangers, and I hand them up to dry on the long curtain rod over the double doors leading to the cattery. I put my socks, towels, facecloths, dishtowels and underwear on a collapsible rack that I put under one of my ceiling fans. That’s how I dry my laundry and save money by not using the clothes dryer. I always light a fire when I am drying laundry, so I love laundry days.

After lunch, inspiration came. I went on YouTube and into the search bar, I typed ‘myocardial perfusion scan’ and voilà, there was a video showing me everything that will happen over the two-day test. It set my mind at rest. Yes, my arms will still have to go back behind my head, but I’ll be lying on a bed and not a beam, and the scan is closer to 15 minutes as opposed to the 45 minutes it took during my past MPS. Relief!

It brightened up outside just before it was time for the sun to set. I installed myself on the chaise with my dinner and I finished off watching season 14 of the British Baking Show. Heaven!

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I came here because I couldn’t take living in the city. I was in shock still, due to the onset of FND. And I got pets and then I planted gardens without realizing what that would mean for me for all Summers thereafter. All these things, the disease, the plants and the pets, anchored me here.

I’m so lucky to be happy here, because I didn’t come here for the bliss I enjoy now. I didn’t know anything about this island. I fell in love with this house when I saw it for sale online. I didn’t know anything about Gabriola or living rurally. But I came and I made this place my home.

I’m amazed that I am never, for even a moment, bored, even though I spend most of my time here alone (but with my pets). This place is truly my sanctuary.

sunday

Sunday was a brilliantly sunny day, and it lasted all day, but it began at a chilly five degrees. Only five degrees! But Sunday is My Day, and so I did as I pleased all day, and that involved a fair bit of napping. But … I accomplished something very exciting.

Mid-day, I found myself itching to walk and I felt strong, so I headed to the Ricki Avenue trail—the one that begins with a long slow rise, and the one that defeated me when, in June, I suddenly found myself unable to sustain any exertion. And I made it up the hill. I would say that whatever is wrong with me is less wrong now, three months later. It was hard to do the hill, but I stopped and rested and then continued and made it all the way to the top. I see my GP on Wednesday, and I will be telling her. 

monday

I’ve written to my fellow dog walkers this morning, proposing that we walk together at Ricki Ave. It’s our favourite Winter trail as it never gets large puddles (small lakes in some cases) that are so obnoxious to this owner of a white dog. When we walk at Ricki Ave., I never have to wash Shebie’s feet when we come home.

When I went outside for wood to build a fire, the sky was clear, and the sky filled with bright stars was beautiful. But when daylight broke, the sky was completely overcast with thick grey clouds. It was predicted to be a day like Sunday, sunny all day, so I’m disappointed because it takes the joy out of our walks. Yesterday’s afternoon walk was wonderfully uplifting. I was full of pride and joy walking on the Ricki Ave. trail. It felt so, so amazing to feel that my breathing problems were improving.

Slow Days + The Baking Show

Friday passed like most all my days. My big accomplishment was moving all the rest of my outdoor furniture into the studio for the Winter. I managed it all without taking myself too far into exhaustion. There were a few breaks, and I walked slowly with each item.

We went into the village to shop after our morning forest walk. It’s an event for me to go shopping. It gets me out of the house, and I often get to have brief chats with people I know. Yesterday, I ran into ever so charming Gus, who works at the pet food store, and we had a lovely chat. He is a dear boy.

A highlight of the day was a long leisurely spa on a lovely and warm afternoon. Her Highness and I had played fetch at Rollo Park before I slid into the warm and welcoming water. I’d been on the move all day, doing little chores here and there, so the spa brought my duties to an end.

After dinner, I watched more episodes of The Great British Baking Show. It was an excellent night; I went to bed early and slept like a stone.

Today dawned bright and brisk, and I was off early to Ground Up restaurant to meet Stacy for breakfast, and then went for a nice long walk with Otis and Sheba. After that, Sheba and I went to GIRO to drop off our recycling, and then I went to the Farmers’ Market for dog treats. Now we are back home, the clouds have rolled in and I have a ton of domestic duties to keep me busy this morning, but I hope to have some chill time in the afternoon. But first, a fire!

Dear Maggie

Our day, yesterday, that began so bright and sunny, soon changed. By 10:00 it had clouded over, and by 11:00 it had begun to rain. We got our morning forest walk done in good time, and I was rather chuffed afterwards. I walked rather normally for a change. I never felt short of breath, and my hips were not forcing me to take a break every 5 minutes or so.

The remainder of the morning involved undertaking a slew of domestic duties. I fixed a broken cupboard handle, put many, many things away that I had left out to be put away for a long time, paid my bills, including my home insurance that rose 25% after one year with this new company. I hate insurance companies!

Suddenly, I have so very much free time, now that watering the garden beds is done by the climate instead of moi. I have time for things like deleting old emails, clearing outdated things from the fridge, filing papers, and updating my calendar with all my upcoming appointments.

By 3:00, it was raining and windy. Regardless, when the rain has slowed to a sprinkle, Her Highness and I went to Rollo Park to play fetch. Because it’s a perfectly flat field, it was not challenging to walk.

MY evening was fabulous because I started watching the 14^th season of The Great British Baking Show. It’s the only show on cable television that I like. And tonight, I will watch more episodes.

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Today began with a sudden burst of tears, and then a long cry. I’d opened my computer and because I’d been looking at the CNN website late yesterday, Safari opened on CNN and I read the tragic news: Maggie Smith is gone. I was and am still heartbroken. I adored the woman and the actor. Rest in peace Jean Brodie.

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Today is bright and sunny and it is predicted to last all day. I shall attend to some garden duties today, and our walks will be longer and brighter. 

Eeeeuch: Myocardial Profusion Scan.

I came upon this music video and was immediately entranced.

Well…. We had rain yesterday that approached a quantity of rainfall that was like the famous atmospheric river that we had about four years ago. Around 3:00, after a day of constant rain, but nothing like what came later in the day, there was a brief respite from precipitation, so Sheba and I headed for the trails.

Kevin was driving by as we arrived, so he stopped to walk with us. Lucky me! He is one terrific guy. He always makes me feel really good because he betrays joy in my company. And that thrills me. Because he’s extraordinarily handsome? What? Do you think I’m that shallow? Well, yes, I am. He is a gorgeous man, and he is currently wonderfully tanned.

So, we walked together and as we approached the last leg of the walk, down came the river. Oh my God! Sheba and I were soaked to the skin. So, as soon as I got back, I lit another small fire to help her, and my clothes, dry off. It didn’t last too long, the rain. It soon settled into the kind of rain we’d been having all day.

In the evening, I watched His Three Daughters, and I loved it. Three women, a few cameo supporting players, and almost only one set. It could have been a play. Two things stuck out for me: the writing and the editing. I loved how scenes ended with sudden, immediate and sharp cuts. And guess what: Azazel Jacobs did both the writing and the editing.

Carrie Coon. I’d never heard of her, but what a tour de force actor she is! And her co-stars, Natasha Lyonne and Elizabeth Olsen are equally impressive. Everyone is perfect, but then the writer is absolutely brilliant. They get all their clues in the script. I loved this movie.

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I got a letter in the mail yesterday telling me to come to Nanaimo Hospital or a myocardial profusion scan. This will be my second such scan. I had the first one when I was around 40, and I told myself I would kill myself before I ever had another one. I just hope over time, the methodology has changed.

The first time was at Vancouver General. I reported in and they sent me into a cubicle to change into one of those diaphanous wonders they make you wear, and then I was taken to the nuclear medicine department where I was seated on a chair, where I waited for quite a while for a procedure that I knew nothing about.

Then two nurses came in. The front one was carrying the biggest fucking syringe I had ever seen. She was carrying it with the cartridge horizontally with two hands. The other nurse carried a wooden cradle and some other things that were dangling down in front of her. I’m not kidding about the syringe. It terrified me, but the nurse quickly explained that she would be putting a normal size needle into my vein, and it would be attached to the needle on the gigantic syringe. The cartridge was full, and its contents were mildly radioactive. It was so odd to see them put a lead sheet over my crotch while they were injecting the radioactive material into my body. A tinny motor turned the tap key on the other end of the syringe, and the contents of the cylinder slowly were shoved into my body. I wondered if I would glow in the dark.

Next came the part I hated. With the help of attendants, I was lifted and laid onto a narrow beam that had a very small oval platform on it for my bum. The little oval and the beam were cold metal. Then, referencing diagram #25 in the Nazi Torture Manual, the attendants fastened my wrists together with my arms extended backward over my head and tied to the beam. This is not from a bad movie. I had to lay on the beam for 45 minutes while a giant cylinder machine whirled around my body. 

After five minutes I was so uncomfortable I called out to the attendants, asking them to let me move my arms. They wouldn’t, but a nurse came over, sat beside me, and talked me through the torture until my arms went to sleep.

My reward came when my arms were untied, and I walked over to where the technicians were working with the machine and all its attendant computers. They showed me my heart on one of the screens, and they pointed out two yellow ‘icicles’ on my heart that were scars from two heart attacks.

They could rotate my heart in any direction and flip it and rotate it. They could look at every part of it, and by zooming in they could do a microscopic inspection. But what I remember most was the pain in my arms until they went to sleep. That’s why I swore, ‘never again.’ 

Well, never is coming in February. If there’s any way that I can regain some strength again, I will do all tests required. And then I will go to Nanaimo’s best bakery before coming home.

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This morning has dawned sunny and bright despite the prediction for more rain. It is, however, a cool eight degrees out there. I have a million little tasks to do today around the house. I shall be busy but there’ll be lots of resting as well. Plus, I hope to visit Dave next door to see how progress with the finishing of the interior of his yurt is going.