A Modest Brag

What a ride this is, this search for understanding of what’s going on. The sudden onset of vicious shortness of breath with exertion has been worrisome, and when it suddenly seemed possible that I have COPD which is a progressive disease, I felt myself to be dying.

“Que, sera, sera.”

When I had my AIDS diagnosis, it wasn’t death that I feared, it was the long slow tortuous and painful process of dying. This time, I felt solemn and thoughtful but not sad, perhaps because there’s MAID now. I was pensive all day. Doris was right: “Que sera, sera” My new mantra: “I’m not dead yet.”

Meanwhile, life goes on. We walked with our friends in the morning. Then I came home to do domestic chores. I do laundry often because I love hanging it up and bringing it in. I love the smell and a link to my childhood. But now, I hand my laundry in the freshest of air, air very slightly tinges with the smell of the forest. And Sheba was running around with Sosa from next door whom we both love. Birds everywhere, the little ones for water, the big ones for suet. 

And then I had a spa. God, I love my spa. The biggest reason, of course, is that I love, love, love being in warm water. I didn’t shower until high school after PE at the school, and I hated it. I’m so blissed out by warm water, that is when I started remembering long repressed views of my life. But the best thing about it is that I am its only user. Steve used it twice, otherwise no one else but me goes into it. That gives me peace of mind.

I wrote a post on our community Facebook page about twice feeling very strongly treated as guilty by bylaw officers from the Nanaimo Regional District. I explained why, as well, and they have ignited the conversation on the site. A retired bylaw officer, who lives on the island, is going to meet with me in the next few days. Another comment gave me the email address of the head of the District. And many people shared their similar experiences.

Ahem. A modest brag. Move to the next paragraph if you are sensitive to self-celebration.

I was watering the backyard in the afternoon and suddenly Sheba started barking. It was Nancy letting herself into the backyard. She is not a Facebook user but others in her group of women dog walkers who walk through the neighbourhood each night around 8:00. And someone in the group told everyone about my post, and Nancy was tasked with bringing me news of their willingness to write letters of support about Sheba. 

But it’s the things that Nancy said about how I am perceived by the group that really knocked me out. She said things I couldn’t help but be proud of. People said the nicest things about me. I could not believe it! This is a perfect example of why I want to live here as long as I can. I feel supported here.