Pains

Yesterday was less painful than the previous two days. My foot swelled to the same grotesque size, but it didn’t hurt as much. However, something bit my on the forehead a couple of days ago that has left me with a large swollen lump on my forehead that is quite painful if touched. And my left eye is hurting me. The eyelid is slightly swollen, and at times, my eye is viciously sore. This morning it was very sore, and yet I can see no reason for the pain and swelling. Sigh.

This aging thing sucks! I feel defeated when things like my foot and my eye are problematic. It’s cloudy and it’s been very showery since yesterday. I’m happy to not have to water the gardens, and I like having the excuse to light a fire and warm the house up. I’m taking it easy today in hopes of having less foot pain.

I walked yesterday morning with Di, the only other person who showed up, but we only went a portion of the way we usually go, and then we returned to our cars. Soon after Her Highness and I got back home, it was lunchtime and after eating I got on the couch to read. Instead, I fell asleep and slept for an hour and a half. Once back on my feet, Her Highness and I went into the village to go to the pharmacy. After that, we went for an early afternoon walk and it didn’t hurt as much as I feared it would.

I heard from Dianne’s film producer friend, Maria, and she passed on taking on my project with The Nature of Things. She explained how much work a one-hour doc takes, and she has been mostly retired for quite a while. However, she has offered to contact some younger and eager documentary filmmakers for me, so that could lead to something. Typing with crossed fingers is hard.

I had a nice soak in the spa last night before dinner and then we did the usual after dinner. I watched TV with one eye. 

I lit a fire this morning. When I rose it was dark, cool and damp. It is nice to have a nice warm house on a lousy looking day, but by 7:00 the sky had cleared and the sun was making the tree tops glow with gorgeous golden light. If it stays nice out, I will do some yard work, but I don’t want to spend too much time on my feet. I’ll see how I feel after walking Her Highness later this morning.

Zooming & Isolating

Well, fuck! For the second day, I can hardly walk. My left foot is grotesquely swollen and very, very painful. Walking Sheba takes forever and now I hate going for walks. When I last saw Jennifer, she said I had calcific tendonitis and that is why she signed me up for a barbotage treatment. Calcific tendonitis. O thought I had bone spurs, but that’s not true. If it continues to be this painful, I am going to have to get help walking Sheba and I am going to ask Jennifer to help me get a handicapped parking pass if this condition continues. (I can’t use crutches because the arthritis in my hands makes both hands incredibly painful.)

The worst outcome of having one fat painful foot, it not walking with my dog walking friends. Honestly, I’ve been crying over this situation only because of being unable to continue with the group I’ve been with for eight years. We walk three times a week together. This is heartbreaking.

I was quite stressed yesterday morning, but it all worked out okay. I wrote to Tracey to tell her that I might have a conflict with the arrival of the disposal people while we are having our UK stuttering support group meeting. Tracey wrote back immediately saying that she could not be part of our session. That’s when I started panicking, because it was 9:40 and the disposal people had not arrived (they’d said they’d be here at 9:00), and our Zoom session started at 10:00.

They arrived at 9:45, and I helped them load up all the stuff, and they left at 9:58. Phew! I was online ready to welcome our group at 10:00. And not only that, I had an enormous surprise when the disposal people told me what I was to pay.

A long time ago, I wrote to the disposal firm about having two couches to remove. I thought that they said it would cost $300/couch to take them to the landfill, so I was expecting to pay around $700 for the load I was having removed—two couches and a lot of bagged other stuff. But the total charge for taking all the stuff was $147!

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Things keep happening that shrink my world. My nervous system is fucked. Moving here was to heal. I came here 18 months after the sudden onset of my seizure and speech disorders. I know that isolation would be the ideal condition for living without seizures and increased fluency. 

I video chat with my long-time friends regularly and we email as well. That makes me feel connected to people. I see people on the island periodically. And Steve comes every year, bless him. Beth is coming. Dwight may come. Dianne and I always have Thanksgiving together. 

I believe I have things under control. I am managing myself to limit the likelihood of seizures. I’m good in a room with four other people, or fewer. I try not to do things where there is noise or when there are too many people. My nervous system is, as I said, fucked. The world is full of triggers, hence my defensive retreat.

Losing the dog walkers is losing the people my nervous system trusts the most. With my doggers, I am at my most fluent. My nervous system trusts them, I know by how well I can speak. 

My foot is not as painful in the morning, so I have decided to walk with the group this morning to see how it goes. It’s cloudy and cool, so I am going to light a morning fire to warm the house up a little bit. I am likely to want to read today, and I like being warm because I am sitting still when I read. I may do some yard work, I may not. Who cares? 

Linked to a Filmmaker

Wednesday got underway in the spa, and then I began watering the plants. I wanted to get some of the watering done before we went walking with our friends. It was very warm but overcast. Walking was pure joy. If the sun had been out, it would have been too hot.

When we got home, it was time for lunch and then I got back to watering both the rest of my garden beds and Ali and Pete’s beds. After that, I loaded up the yard detritus from the front yard and driveway and toted it to the dump behind my backyard fence. And when that was done, I rested. I’d been going flat out from 5:00 either doing chores or walking Her Highness, and I was pooped.

I needed to finish going through the stuff Gabe Disposal is taking away today, looking for a VHS tape of my first theatrical hit, North Shore Live, but I figured that could wait a bit and I got on the chaise to read for a while. By then, it was 13:00 and I’d been busy on my feet for eight hours.

At 16:30, I video chatted with Dianne and at the end of our conversation I asked her to think about something for me. Dianne was once the Film Officer for BC, so I asked her to think about a film maker with whom I might be able to work on pitching a story to The Nature of Things television show. I want ‘the world’ to know how challenging accessing some social services is for me and other dysfluent people. Right away, she had a person in mind.

Later in the evening, I got an email from Dianne. She’d written to the filmmaker and copied me. Today, I will write to her (the filmmaker) in hopes of seducing her into an interest in my story. Aidan is on board with what I’ve done. It excites me to think that this may be a major move in stuttering advocacy.

Today, Gabe Disposal comes to take all my crap away, and I Zoom with my UK group. (Sadly, I never found the VHS tape.) It’s bright and sunny, so this afternoon, I’ll be doing more yard work. I’ve a plan to build more gutters of strawberries—the next one I want to build is for wild strawberries.

A Hot and Slow Day

Tuesday was hot, even in the morning. We walked and then Her Highness went to the groomers. I raked the driveway and front lawn, and I cleaned the courtyard while she was cleaned up. I’ve got to try to get another stool sample this morning in hopes of getting her back to normal digestively speaking.

When we got home, we had lunch and then I proposed a walk. She did not want to go, but I politely insisted, and she went along with me. I knew that she would not walk in the late afternoon because it would be too hot for her, so walking on a shady trail mid-day was the way to go.

She loves being in the house. It’s now here favourite place to be because it is so wonderfully cool. She loves to lie on the wood floor because it feels so cool on her stomach. I wanted to fetch all the stuff I’d raked in the barrow and dump it, but it was just too hot. I’m doing that this morning before we walk with our friends.

It was odd, just doing nothing after days of such intense work. I did nada all afternoon, just puttering here and there in the garden and around the house. Finally, at 14:45, I sat on the chaise to read, feeling blessed to have my logs providing a kind of natural air conditioning.

Our night was the usual.

This morning has dawned cloudy, but it’s mighty warm for early morning. It’s 17° at 5:00! I must water my beds and Pete and Ali’s as well, and I have detritus to load into the barrow and dump in the back. It will be a pleasure to do it all. The raking I did yesterday has given Pinecone Park a makeover. Now I’ve to do the backyard.

I must also prep for the garbage delivery. Gabe Disposal is coming tomorrow to take away two old couches and many bags and boxes of stuff I want gone. And while I do that, I promised Dwight that I’d go through everything to look for a VHS tape of my show North Shore Live, produced in the late 1970s.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a little odd about being alone all the time. When Sheba and I have been walking with our friends, Sheba has been hanging back of the pack, so I’ve been walking with her, lessening my conversation with my friends considerably. I don’t think it’s coincidence that I am speaking better than I have in years! My friends are all noticing the improvement.