Healing

Tuesday began dark and very wet. It wasn’t raining at all, but there had been a good soaking during the night. I was glad for my garden beds and the forest. We were up at 4:30, and I busied myself with chores. I hadn’t done dishes in days, and cattery needed cleaning, and the recycling had to be sorted and stored for pick up. I was happy that I didn’t need to water the beds. I could read and relax all day.

We walked and it went okay. Every time I go for a walk, I must figure out how to walk so that my right hip doesn’t hurt. The morning walk went pretty well, but I had to stop and rest often. I don’t have to rest for long. A short break and I am good to go again.

When we got home, we had lunch, then I read more of the book I’m loving, and then for over an hour, I prepped for cooking the pork tenderloin I bought. I’m making it in a Thai sauce. I loved the video I saw of cooking the dish. Once the prep was done, Her Highness and I went shopping and then for a walk, and my afternoon walk went very well. 

I was happy, the pain was very, very mild, and my pace was more human and less elderly. I felt very good about the walk, even though it was not a long one, and then we came home and I got busy cooking the tenderloin. It’s a complex recipe and a lot of fragrant ingredients. I enjoyed cooking it very much, and I anticipated a great evening of a movie and the dinner.

By mid-afternoon, the sky had cleared and it became bright and sunny, but it remained rather cool for June. The temperature only rose to 16°, which is wonderfully comfortable. While the pork cooked, I returned to reading until it was dinnertime for the brood.

The tenderloin was delicious, but what a lot of work it was to cook. I have enough for three more dinners, however, so that’s a bonus. I watched a heartbreaking movie called Indignation. It’s a film adaptation of a Phillip Roth story, and I don’t remember being so affected by a film in a long time. I was a mess at its end. Such a powerful story of regret and loss. It broke my heart, but that happens when great stories are very well told.

Today will be mixed weather as was yesterday, but tomorrow the eternal sunshine returns and temperatures by the weekend are predicted to be closer to 30°. Yuck! Too hot by far.

Recovery

Monday began with a walk with our friends. I walked for an hour at a more satisfactory pace. I had pain, but it was bearable, and it was only my foot, not both my foot and my hip. I could walk more naturally yesterday morning. It still hurts, and it’s still swells, but there’s not near as much swelling now.

Then we went shopping. Then we went back to the village because I did not read the recipe fully, and it calls for lemongrass sauce. I’ll just add rind to the recipe. And then we went for our second walk. A woman came by as Her Highness was pooping and I was intently watching her poop. I looked at her for a millisecond and returned to H.H. I felt rude, but I’ve been trying to decide if I need to have another stool sample taken. Based on what I saw today, I feel that we are in the clear for Sheba.

When we got home, it started to rain. It was light but had drops bigger than mist. I’ve become a rain connoisseur. It got satisfyingly wet yesterday through the early evening. I was delighted and celebrated with a fire. Soon we were all in the living room. Fred and Ethel were each on a chair, close to the fire. I was on the chaise, and Sheba was on the floor beside me. We are all keen on heat.

Light rain, a fire, Diet Coke, and Kate Atkinson with a family that loves me (and can’t talk back).

This is what I see through the door jus to my left as I sit at my desk. That’s my Climbing Hydrangea growing on the trellis I had built on the right. Above, the red are rose blossoms. The entire lower tear of the fountain has been eaten by Ivy. I love it because it makes the fountain look old and connected to the earth. And the dark purple leaves of the Japanese Maples, one in the courtyard behind the fountain, and a beauty just at the end of the deck. Fuchsias in the planters.

All of this began as baby plants, but it was all created eight years ago. If I go outside, I feel good. I love what I see. I love my playground. It still thrills me to be l living in a very comfortable home, with guest rooms and a hot tub, on an island, disengaged from the continent and all the craziness that goes on amongst people over there.

And with a huge garden, nice neighbours, stores close by, no parking problems, no parking fees, no traffic lights at all, and infrequent stop signs. Beaches and a trail network to die for in a thousand-acre natural park of untouched forest (except for the trails and some trail signs): this is paradise.

•

We had real rain late yesterday and during the night. My rain barrels are full again. It’s predicted to clear today—it’s overcast with thick clouds this morning—and get quite warm. Endless sunshine is returning and hot temperatures (30°)!

We’ll walk this morning together, and I shall read until the sun returns and then there is plenty of yard work to be done. We must walk early this morning and then I must stay home all the time until my Tezspire arrives because it has to go into the fridge, I must sign for it, and I must return the packaging from last month.

The Tonys Were a Shit Show

Sunday was a mixed bag. Walking Her Highness in the morning was painful. My foot hurts less than my right hip due to me limping and using my right leg for all the power. However, it was easier to walk than during the two previous days. My ankle was not as swollen, but bad times are coming.

Today, it’s predicted to rain. I hope it does. It’s also likely to remain cool. We expect a high this afternoon of only 14°. Starting tomorrow, however, the weather is predicted to begin changing back to eternal sunshine, and warmer each day until the weekend when we anticipate temperatures in the thirties. Yikes!

When we got home from our walk, to celebrate My Day, we went to Silva Bay and the food truck for lunch. I had their delicious fish tacos that I absolutely adore. And then we went to Kris and Steve’s to deliver some books I bought for them. It was lovely to do something away from home and to see my friends.

After the walk and the excitement of Silva Bay, I retreated to the chaise to read, and then it was time for our afternoon walk. I am very slow. There is no option. But I’m grateful for being able to walk with less pain.

The day ended sadly. I watched the Tonys and was appalled by a loud, crass shitshow hosted by Pink who, as far as I can tell, has nothing to do with Broadway. I couldn’t stick it out. I quit watching, sad and horrified at how the drive for profit and audiences has made Broadway a panderer to mammon. Greatness is gone. Sophistication is gone. Tradition is gone. It’s a tragedy.

 Today is cloudy. I am praying for rain, and I’m looking forward to another day of reading and chilling with my foot up. I’ll try walking with our friends this morning, but I’ll turn around and go back if it’s too painful. I’m looking forward to spending time with Kate Atkinson.

The Fire Truck is a food truck that operates on a large park in
Silva Bay. I love, love, love their fish tacos.

There are artists selling their goods, there is live music and there
are kids and dogs playing in the park. I love my Sundays here.

This is Kris and Steve's kitchen and their island we sit around 
before dinners. Their house is always a wonderful place to party

This is to the left of the kitchen where we eat. We never use the
living room, but often eat on the deck overlooking the ocrean.

One field I pass all the time, It is a neighbour's field and it is full
of flowering Daisies that are not showing up well in this photo.

On the other side of the field shown above, Daisies
are blooming en masse.

This ground cover is everywhere in the forest. The flowers are like
wee bells. They are purple, selicate and gorgeous.

Another precious ground cover. There is such
beauty in the small things.

Choral Root Orchids are growing all over the firest.

My new hammock is too small for me. Sigh. But I
shall use it anywhere somehow.

Swolllen left ankle.

Pains: Body and Soul

Our morning walk was nasty. Because my left foot is sore, I walk differently. I limp and it makes my right leg ache. Plus, after we’d walked for fifteen minutes, it started raining and raining quite hard, so we turned around and walked back to the car. It felt good to return home and to be able to chill without any anxiety about things needing to be done.

We had an early lunch, then I took too my recliner for a wee rest in the sunshine. It was only 12° at noon, so it was super pleasant in the sunshine. It gives me thrills to feel the heat on my skin. I am a heat lover when it is temperate; I hate the heat when it’s hot. I prefer temperatures under 20°.

I was tempted to take Her Highness for a midday walk, but I did something nasty to my left heel, the one that’s so sore. I tread on something that made me lose my balance and stretch my Achillies heel, and man-oh-man did that hurt! Walking until later in the day was out. Instead, I had a spa.

Before getting into the spa, though, I sewed some California poppy seeds in my front garden. I hope they take. I love the bright, shiny golden orange blossoms, and Deer seem to leave them alone. Hopefully soon, I will have some glorious golden colour to look out upon in the front bed.

After the spa, I read. I can’t get enough of Kate Atkinson. Behind the Scenes at the Museum is a great, great read. I’ve a lot left to read, thank goodness, but I have more books waiting. These idle days after stacking all the wood are heavenly (except for my sore forehead, eye and foot).

Our evening was the usual. I slept deeply last night, and I really enjoyed sleeping in until almost 5:00! When I got up, I could not open my left eye. I had to pull it open with my hands. I must have some kind of infection. The glue holding my eye closed, I reckon, is puss. But I see fine and it is far less painful.

And walking this morning was close to painless; the swelling in my foot is almost gone. I’ll see how the day goes with both my eye and foot. My eye is still irritated. It’s fine when I am looking forward, but if I look to either side, it feels like something is scraping my eyeball. Ageing sucks.

It’s My Day again. I shall enjoy reading and having a soak. I won’t be doing much work in the yard. The clouds and cool temperatures mean I am not having to water very much at all. I’d thought of going to Silva Bay for fish tacos at the food truck, but it’s too cool to enjoy eating outside. It’s only 12° at 8:00, but the sky is brightening and so there may be some sunshine today, and it may get warmer.

•

I met Leslie in 1974, and we very quickly became fast friends. When I met Steve in 1980, the three of us spent a great deal of time together. When Dwight moved in with Steve and I, Leslie was thrilled. I could tell that she had a crush on Dwight.

Leslie has been a big part of my life. One of her closest friends long ago, was Jude, and when she heard that my doctors wanted to find my birth mother, she contacted Jude who worked in the provincial Adoption Reunion Office. Jude became my case worker, and she and Leslie were with me every step of the way.

Much later in my life, she gave me one of those DNA kits to learn about my ancestry, and that very, very quickly led to me finding out who my birth father was and to contact with living Gordon family members.

How could Leslie not be a cherished friend? I was hooked, but a few years ago, she lost interest in our friendship. I would get no reply to my emails, and I would never hear from her unless I reached out. In January, I sent her a long email, and I sent a snail mail letter with some photographs of us from our past together. Since then, I have heard nothing. And since then, I have thought of her every single day.

That’s not an exaggeration. I think of her every day because I miss her and I’m hurt that our friendship appears to have died. I wrote her a kind of ‘final’ email, thanking her for the unbelievable gifts she gave me. Imagine, gifting someone with knowledge of who they are and their history. That is a great friend who does something like that! And yet, now I seem to mean nothing to her.

I worry, of course, that I said or did something to offend her, but I truly believe that is not the case. I also worry that my poor speech has played a factor in the demise of our once very close friendship. I reckon it’s just people changing, but I’ve been aching over the loss. I wrote the email to send hoping that it might stop me from thinking about her all the time, but I haven’t sent it.

I don’t believe in letting friendships dying. I believe that the right thing to do when one feels a sense of detachment from someone who was once close, is to end it properly. When my friend Edwin seemed to be fading away, I wrote to him and invited him to dinner at a nice restaurant. We had a great time together and then, over dessert, I addressed the change in our relationship. I told him I understood how things can change and that I wanted to invite him to dinner to thank him for all the great, great times we’d had together.

We don’t communicate anymore, but it didn’t hurt to lose him because I formally said goodbye. I reckon all this complexity about my feelings when losing a friend is unsurprising given my upbringing of neglect. Friendships mean a great deal to me, so I treat them with respect and care. 

Leslie is a wonderful person. It hurts to lose her, but it’s inappropriate to fight to be wanted by someone who doesn’t want me. David, another incredibly wonderful friend, stopped answering my calls and emails when I moved to Gabriola. That hurt terribly as well.

Thank God for my friends who have stuck with me from long ago. Bruce, Beth, Paula, Dwight and Steve keep me going. And I have made some lovely friends here, so I do not feel forgotten. Still, I shall miss the woman who found my birth parents forever.