Zooming & Isolating

Well, fuck! For the second day, I can hardly walk. My left foot is grotesquely swollen and very, very painful. Walking Sheba takes forever and now I hate going for walks. When I last saw Jennifer, she said I had calcific tendonitis and that is why she signed me up for a barbotage treatment. Calcific tendonitis. O thought I had bone spurs, but that’s not true. If it continues to be this painful, I am going to have to get help walking Sheba and I am going to ask Jennifer to help me get a handicapped parking pass if this condition continues. (I can’t use crutches because the arthritis in my hands makes both hands incredibly painful.)

The worst outcome of having one fat painful foot, it not walking with my dog walking friends. Honestly, I’ve been crying over this situation only because of being unable to continue with the group I’ve been with for eight years. We walk three times a week together. This is heartbreaking.

I was quite stressed yesterday morning, but it all worked out okay. I wrote to Tracey to tell her that I might have a conflict with the arrival of the disposal people while we are having our UK stuttering support group meeting. Tracey wrote back immediately saying that she could not be part of our session. That’s when I started panicking, because it was 9:40 and the disposal people had not arrived (they’d said they’d be here at 9:00), and our Zoom session started at 10:00.

They arrived at 9:45, and I helped them load up all the stuff, and they left at 9:58. Phew! I was online ready to welcome our group at 10:00. And not only that, I had an enormous surprise when the disposal people told me what I was to pay.

A long time ago, I wrote to the disposal firm about having two couches to remove. I thought that they said it would cost $300/couch to take them to the landfill, so I was expecting to pay around $700 for the load I was having removed—two couches and a lot of bagged other stuff. But the total charge for taking all the stuff was $147!

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Things keep happening that shrink my world. My nervous system is fucked. Moving here was to heal. I came here 18 months after the sudden onset of my seizure and speech disorders. I know that isolation would be the ideal condition for living without seizures and increased fluency. 

I video chat with my long-time friends regularly and we email as well. That makes me feel connected to people. I see people on the island periodically. And Steve comes every year, bless him. Beth is coming. Dwight may come. Dianne and I always have Thanksgiving together. 

I believe I have things under control. I am managing myself to limit the likelihood of seizures. I’m good in a room with four other people, or fewer. I try not to do things where there is noise or when there are too many people. My nervous system is, as I said, fucked. The world is full of triggers, hence my defensive retreat.

Losing the dog walkers is losing the people my nervous system trusts the most. With my doggers, I am at my most fluent. My nervous system trusts them, I know by how well I can speak. 

My foot is not as painful in the morning, so I have decided to walk with the group this morning to see how it goes. It’s cloudy and cool, so I am going to light a morning fire to warm the house up a little bit. I am likely to want to read today, and I like being warm because I am sitting still when I read. I may do some yard work, I may not. Who cares? 

Linked to a Filmmaker

Wednesday got underway in the spa, and then I began watering the plants. I wanted to get some of the watering done before we went walking with our friends. It was very warm but overcast. Walking was pure joy. If the sun had been out, it would have been too hot.

When we got home, it was time for lunch and then I got back to watering both the rest of my garden beds and Ali and Pete’s beds. After that, I loaded up the yard detritus from the front yard and driveway and toted it to the dump behind my backyard fence. And when that was done, I rested. I’d been going flat out from 5:00 either doing chores or walking Her Highness, and I was pooped.

I needed to finish going through the stuff Gabe Disposal is taking away today, looking for a VHS tape of my first theatrical hit, North Shore Live, but I figured that could wait a bit and I got on the chaise to read for a while. By then, it was 13:00 and I’d been busy on my feet for eight hours.

At 16:30, I video chatted with Dianne and at the end of our conversation I asked her to think about something for me. Dianne was once the Film Officer for BC, so I asked her to think about a film maker with whom I might be able to work on pitching a story to The Nature of Things television show. I want ‘the world’ to know how challenging accessing some social services is for me and other dysfluent people. Right away, she had a person in mind.

Later in the evening, I got an email from Dianne. She’d written to the filmmaker and copied me. Today, I will write to her (the filmmaker) in hopes of seducing her into an interest in my story. Aidan is on board with what I’ve done. It excites me to think that this may be a major move in stuttering advocacy.

Today, Gabe Disposal comes to take all my crap away, and I Zoom with my UK group. (Sadly, I never found the VHS tape.) It’s bright and sunny, so this afternoon, I’ll be doing more yard work. I’ve a plan to build more gutters of strawberries—the next one I want to build is for wild strawberries.

A Hot and Slow Day

Tuesday was hot, even in the morning. We walked and then Her Highness went to the groomers. I raked the driveway and front lawn, and I cleaned the courtyard while she was cleaned up. I’ve got to try to get another stool sample this morning in hopes of getting her back to normal digestively speaking.

When we got home, we had lunch and then I proposed a walk. She did not want to go, but I politely insisted, and she went along with me. I knew that she would not walk in the late afternoon because it would be too hot for her, so walking on a shady trail mid-day was the way to go.

She loves being in the house. It’s now here favourite place to be because it is so wonderfully cool. She loves to lie on the wood floor because it feels so cool on her stomach. I wanted to fetch all the stuff I’d raked in the barrow and dump it, but it was just too hot. I’m doing that this morning before we walk with our friends.

It was odd, just doing nothing after days of such intense work. I did nada all afternoon, just puttering here and there in the garden and around the house. Finally, at 14:45, I sat on the chaise to read, feeling blessed to have my logs providing a kind of natural air conditioning.

Our night was the usual.

This morning has dawned cloudy, but it’s mighty warm for early morning. It’s 17° at 5:00! I must water my beds and Pete and Ali’s as well, and I have detritus to load into the barrow and dump in the back. It will be a pleasure to do it all. The raking I did yesterday has given Pinecone Park a makeover. Now I’ve to do the backyard.

I must also prep for the garbage delivery. Gabe Disposal is coming tomorrow to take away two old couches and many bags and boxes of stuff I want gone. And while I do that, I promised Dwight that I’d go through everything to look for a VHS tape of my show North Shore Live, produced in the late 1970s.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a little odd about being alone all the time. When Sheba and I have been walking with our friends, Sheba has been hanging back of the pack, so I’ve been walking with her, lessening my conversation with my friends considerably. I don’t think it’s coincidence that I am speaking better than I have in years! My friends are all noticing the improvement.

Fatigue Sets In

Sometimes, I wish I had anaesthetic in a spray so that I could spray some at Fred and Sheba at 4:00 in the morning. I cannot sleep in. Fred howls and Sheba whimpers and I feel obligated to get up. Most of my walking buddies rise at 8:00. We meet to walk at 9:30. When we meet, I’ve already been up for over five hours.

I did dishes, vacuumed the house, and put things away after three days of focusing on nothing but the wood and other duties. Then I had a leisurely spa followed by some watering of the garden beds before heading out with Her Highness to meet our friends.

It was a stunning morning. It was a cool 13° but sunny and bright. It’s rather cool in the shade and toasty warm in the sunshine. I love this weather. I’m dreading the arrival of hot weather. These cool nights and mornings are ideal.  

As soon as we got home, we had lunch. Lunch at 10:30 makes sense when you rise at 4:00. And then came watering. I took two hours. Next up was cleaning, folding and storing the enormous tarpaulin I use to protect the driveway from all the shite that has come with the wood in the past. But this year, Bob sent very clean wood so cleaning the tarp and putting it away was a breeze.

Compared to toting and stacking wood, watering is a breeze. I’m grateful for the work and for the pleasure and pride I feel when the work is done. When the weather is as pleasant as it is, everything brings joy. I feel like a responsible ‘dad’ to my floral friends. It’s particularly important for me to be attentive to the needs of the fruit trees and edible garden beds. I love eating food that I have cultivated.

I put the tarp into the shed and I was ready to rake, but it was just too hot and I was too tired. I wanted to rest, but my break lasted mere minutes because my hammock arrived and I got busy setting it up. Once up, I regretted buying it (it’s too small for my 1.8-meter body). But I can use it and my shorter friends may love it.

Just before 15:00, we went into the village to shop. It was 23° and I found it too hot even though 23° isn’t that warm. My days of naps in the sunshine are over, dappled or not. I’m a shade committed person now. After shopping, Her Highness and I went for an afternoon walk. It was short and shaded. Then we came home to assume the positions.

All evening, I was dragging. I was behaving as though I’d stacked 40 barrows of wood, but I’d done nothing requiring exertion. Perhaps I had accumulated fatigue from all the stacking. I was a walking zombie last night.

Today, I’ll spot water, and I may get some reading time for a change; it’s been two weeks since I read anything. Sheba goes to the groomer this morning and thank goodness because her long hair is bringing a lot of crap into the house. I must vacuum every day.

And I will stop at the vet’s office. Her diarrhea is not entirely gone, so I will be collecting another stool sample. Sigh.