Proof in a Dream

Rake, rake, rake. That’s what a big part of yesterday was: raking. Now there are piles of cones and crap scattered around the back yard. I have yet to do the front. Today I go to Chemainus for a bone density scan, so I will not be doing much yard work today—not that I mind. 

I also did a lot of watering considering that today will be a busy day. I was up early this morning, spot watering in advance of my departure. I also took time to think about what I want to make and serve to Bonnie and Sue on Friday night because I can do some shopping in Nanaimo on my way to Chemainus.

I finished my wonderful book yesterday. Let the Great World Spin, by Colum McCann is a fabulous five hundred-page read. I loved it, but like a lot of Irish literature, it has plenty of sadness in it. However, it is so well written, the sadness is secondary to the majesty of the text.

By early afternoon, I was beat. I seem to tire far more easily now, partly because I am so old, and partly because my days begin so early. When I begin working at 5:00, I’m tired by 13:00 or 14:00. Yesterday, I came into the house to chill and cool down at 13:30. 

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After my breakdown, I had Chris and Frani as guests. We became friends in the mid-seventies. Chris built the theatre I designed. They welcomed me into their lives. I housed their children, we often travelled together, and their daughter became particularly close friends, she and her husband and children.

On this night of their visit, we’d been friends for fifty-two years. Chris had recently been diagnosed with MS. When the subject came up, I mentioned that he and I had something new in common: a neurological disease. Frani went berserk.

“How dare you compare your issue with MS. How dare you.” That’s how she started. I tried to explain about FND, but she wasn’t hearing it. I told her I’d been diagnosed by a VGH psychiatrist, and that I get her counselling services free for life. And instead of accepting what I told her, she mocked me for believing Dr. Shoja. 

The next morning, over breakfast, we all acted like normal and I have never heard from them again except in response to my appeals to fix our friendship. I was hurting over the loss of them for several years. They had called me ‘family.’ I was deeply, deeply hurt.

The thing that stood out in my head, was Frani expressing absolute shock and disgust about my diagnosis. When I explained again what Dr. Shoja had explained to me about my stuttering and seizures, Frani said, “And you believed her?”

It made me think. My first thought was that it was going on my medical record, whether I believed it or not. But I did believe it. The hard part for me was hearing Dr. Shoja refer to me as a neglected child. That was a serious gut punch for me. But I always knew Don and Connie didn’t care about me. But there was one thing that made me certain: a recurring dream.

In my dream, I’m on the top of a very large hill. It’s a sunny day, and the hill is covered in grass. From the top of the hill, I watch a cruise ship dock in a bay far below. And from that ship come a great crowd of people. They look like bees swarming, coming toward the hill.

The disappear so I engage with the landscape, and then suddenly, from every direction, comes the crowd. The surround me, and the person in front of me joins hands with the person behind me, and as soon as they’ve joined hands, their grasp is broken and two people, one on each side, step into a small circle with me in the middle. And the circle grows until the crowd had formed an enormous circle on the mountaintop, and I am alone in the middle.

•

I ended the day doing my notes for my next session with Dr. S. I keep a diary, just for our meetings. Often I write quite long texts so that I can read them to Dr. S. When I read, I can speak better than I can with my normal disability. It makes me, I think, a good patient. 

Some people might proffer their dreams. Not me. Dr. S. and I talk about human contact mostly. It’s being with people that causes me to be mute often, speak poorly in all other occasions, and to have seizures. I’m afraid of people, so I’m learning how to best manage being with friends when I have visitors.

This summer went excellently. Steve’s visit was short, and both Beth and Steve were considerate, warm, wonderful people. I had the most wonderful time. I could happily spend the rest of my life alone, so thank God for my friends who occasionally gently nudge me out of my comfort zone. And then I get to come home with my family of pets and watering.

I wish things weren’t this way. The miracle is how happy I am every day.

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Here are some photos from last evening’s walkabout. (Click on them to enlarge them, but when you do you lose the captions.)

In the backyard at sunset. I love the golden hour.

Slowly, flowering vines are covering the fence around the edible garden.

Plums off my tree are DELICIOUS!

My largest Poker: red, orange and yellow/

Little DELICIOUS apples on my little tree.

Where once there was mud and garbage, there is now abundant greenery.

The large bed under six large Fir trees is thriving in spite of having to fight
the trees for water.

This area I once called The Wasteland, but now it is looking better
as I have done a lot of spot planting. My new bird bath is on the left.

The trellis houses four bird houses plus nests in the foliage.
the new feeder hanging above the fountain in the photo, and
the fountain gives the birds water. A complete bird paradise.

Virgina Creeper is moving along the railing of the back deck. With
the greenery below, the entrance area to the backyard is getting greener.

The sky this morning!

The Joy of Being Home

Well, I do love my evenings watching movies. I bought a fifty-five-inch smart television yesterday on Amazon. It doesn’t arrive until the end of the month, but I’m already excited about not having to have four remotes to view stuff on my current television set. I’m going to ask Pete to come over when I get it to be here when I set it up because I find technology so incredibly frightening.

It was overcast yesterday morning. I had a soak before going for a forest walk with Regina, and then I came home to water. It felt excellent to get back into my routines ensuring my plant buddies all thrive during this drought. Every day, I eat a few Italian plums off the tree. Oh, the deliciousness!  

I did most of the watering and then came in to feed the pets, and then I took myself to The Surf for lunch. I have never gone out for a meal alone before on Gabe, but I wanted tuna bites that I had with Beth and loved! I got a seat on the lawn, ordered and opened my book. Very quickly the server returned: No tuna bites. Damn! I had calamari instead and a salad, and then I came home to finish the watering.

I read for quite a while, then Her Highness and I went for our afternoon walk. I felt impossibly tired and could not wait to get home and onto the chaise. My bad left foot was killing me, and I was just plain beat. So, I fed the brood, made myself a big salad and got onto the chaise. However, I was cold, so after I ate the salad, I gave myself another treat: a small fire to warm the cold house up a little.

Yesterday was sunny after 9:00, and then the clouds rolled in at 16:00, and I was hoping it meant today might be cloudy, but no. It’s bright and clear this morning; there’s not even any smoke in the air. The nights are getting cooler and the highs remain in the low twenties. Fall feels present.

Today I shall spot water, and I’ll be chillin’ during the remainder of the day because tomorrow, another trip to the big island for a bone density test in Chemainus. 

A Wedding in the Backyard

Saturday morning, up at four and racing around the house to get all the things done. I wanted to do before leaving for Vancouver. In the darkest dark of night that we get on the island, I was out watering all the plants that are the thirstiest in my garden.

At 5:30, we pulled out of the driveway, and I stopped at a trail on the route to the ferry terminal to walk her highness. It was a short walk, but she did what she was supposed to do, and I felt that we’d be OK on the ferry. I was surprised at how many people were waiting for the 6:20 ferry, but I was close to the front of the line.

In the early morning, with mist on the water and total calm. It felt like fall. It was beautiful to be out and about in the silence of the very early morning. There wasn’t a single wave on the surface of the sea, except that of our wake. We were on time and so I had no anxiety as I disembarked and headed for the second ferry terminal where we catch the ferry from departure Bay to Horseshoe Bay in Vancouver.

I was early off the boat. The exit ramp leads directly to the upper levels Highway, and that highway takes me directly to the Hastings and Renfrew area. I’ve been gone from the city now for 10 years, so I was shocked by the many changes along the route, but the worst change was when I arrived at Hastings Street, there is no longer a left turn lane from the highway, letting you turn onto Hastings. I took the next exit, Renfrew, and right there was a big, beautiful park, so I stopped and took Sheba for a long walk. And then I got in the car, turned on my GPS and headed for Diane’s.

It successfully took me to Hastings Street, but Hastings Street was blocked off for street work. Thank God for GPS, because when I failed to make the turn onto Hastings, it just told me to carry on and took me to an alternate route. I arrived at Diane’s to find her and her cousin, Beverly, who’d come to stay with me last Thanksgiving. We had a wonderful reunion. 

We all got busy with final preparations: putting cones on the street to reserve a disembarking area, setting up chairs for the ceremony, setting up tables and putting tablecloths and vases of flowers on them, and then we were done. Dianne ordered a huge batch of sushi to be delivered, and when it arrived, we all stopped for lunch. Then we workers got changed as wedding guests started to arrive and suddenly the wedding was underway.

I remained inside the house. It was air-conditioned, but when it was time to go outside for this ceremony, I stepped onto the porch and saw so many people, most of whom I didn’t know, and I went into a seizure that lasted a fair while. Jane noticed I was in trouble and came to fetch me. We sat together with Beverly as the wedding got underway.

The wedding was beautifully informal and very, very moving. Ash looked absolutely gorgeous, and the ceremony was so personable and easy with us surrounding the marrying couple. Alex looked stunning too. He had a bespoke silk/linen suit that was exquisitely tailored; on his tall, thin form, he looked magnificent.

When the ceremony was over, we all broke into groups to chat and to eat delicious hors d’oeuvres. Then, as things were winding down, Ashlee and Alex made some thank you speeches. When Ashlee was making hers, she began by welcoming the people who had come the longest distance, and then she moved onto talking about we ‘elders’ the longtime friends of her mother, whom she thinks of his aunts and uncles. She was looking around the crowd as she was talking about us, and when she started talking about me, she looked around to find me in there I was staring at her from behind a tree, and when she saw me, she burst into tears and so did I.

I felt so loved in that moment. Tears for me tumbled down her cheek, so I got the greatest gift of the whole wedding. We have a very wonderful relationship, Ashley and I. I couldn’t be more grateful. Alex‘s mother, Pam, an elderly relative of Diane’s who come from Langley, Carol, and a couple of other people all searched me out. Each one of them said that they were keen to meet me because they’d heard so many things about me from Ash. I have rarely felt so good about myself as I did yesterday. All those people made me feel make a good and worthy person. That’s not something I feel very often. (Writing that sentence made me cry.)

Ashlee‘s wedding day was also her birthday, so as the wedding wound down Dianne and I came inside and Beverly went to bed, and Ash and Alex and their friends sat in the garden chatting and laughing. They were still there when I fell asleep at around 10 o’clock. Dianne and I watched a bit of TV and talked about the day. It was nice to wind down before going to bed.  

Her Highness and I were up at five on Sunday morning and we immediately went for a long walk in the nearby park. It was beautiful because the park is high up on a hill and the view across Burrard Inlet provided a stunning view of the North Shore mountains and valleys. Plus, we were alone in a big gorgeous park, the air was sweet and fresh, and all was quiet.

We came back to the house to quietly pack all my stuff back into the van. I wanted to leave early and be amongst the first in line at the ferry terminal so that my car would be on an upper deck, which means that you can go into the ferry to get food and come back to the car. Only on the upper deck can you get in and out of your car. The lower decks are inaccessible once the ferry has left the port.

Everything went to plan. We were on the upper deck and the trip to the big island passed quickly as I read my book. We were the first car off the ferry and I raced to the Gabriola ferry where I had only a thirty-minute wait for the ferry. We were home at 14:00. We stopped and walked along the way, and so once home, we were home for the night.

The pleasure of being home was so intense, it almost hurt. Sitting on the chaise with my dinner is the best feeling in the world. Fred and Ethel were by my side all night. They’d missed me.

A Good Friday

 The sunshine coming through the trees was weak early yesterday morning. I reckon it’s smoke forming the high light cloud ceiling. I went out early to get started on watering every plant thoroughly. They will not be watered thoroughly again until Sunday/Monday. I spot watered in the afternoon, just to be sure all my floral friends survive my absence while I am in Vancouver. The smoke and weakened direct sunlight make it likely that all will go well. 

Then Her Highness and I went to the Windecker trail to walk through the forest with a couple of friends. When we were done, we came back home so that I could resume watering and then feed everyone lunch.

After lunch, we went into the village for gas, to order a prescription refill and to get some food shopping done. Then it was back home for chores. I hadn’t vacuumed in a week, and normally I vacuum every second day. I cleaned and tidied so that when I come home on Sunday, the house is in order, and I can just do spot watering and then chill for the rest of the day.

Yesterday afternoon, the smoke seemed to dissipate. It got hot and humid in the afternoon and then, at 15:00 clouds rolled in. I was thrilled because if the hang around a while, tomorrow my plants may have a cool day and retain the water I gave them yesterday.

We did a short walk in the afternoon. Sheba hates heat. And then I had a soak before packing and doing a few more chores before hitting the chaise and watching a movie. I went to bed early because we’re catching the 6:20 ferry, and that means leaving home just before 6:00.

Not long after dinner I went outside to check on the status of wetness in the garden beds and I heard the unmistakable sound of an ice cream truck. It had come along my street about a month ago, and this time, I was not going to miss the chance to be ten years old again. I hurried back into the house to fetch my wallet, and as I walked onto our street, I saw the truck coming past Pete and Ali's place. 

Colleen and her tenant, Laura, were out there, and so was Jim, another neighbour, and Colleen bought us all an ice cream treat. I got an ice cream sandwich and it was delicious on such a warm Summer night. Oh, nostalgia! What a good feeling you are!

I’m looking forward to the wedding and seeing friends, but I’m also fearful of being part of such a big crowd. But I’ll get through this, I’ll enjoy myself and Sunday will be thrilling because I’ll be coming home and having a White Spot hamburger on the ferry as we cross the straight to Nanaimo.

No post tomorrow. I'll be in Vancouver and I don't take electronics. Back on Monday.