Still Happy to be Home

I was blissfully happy yesterday except for when I thought of poor Stormy’s passing. I shed tears often throughout the day thinking of her, Deborah and Alwyn. They are broken by the loss.

But most of the day, because I awakened to daylight, and because it was incredibly sunny, and because we’d escaped snow all Winter, my spirits were soaring all day. I was home and not in the city. I love my home and I love being here. And on top of all that, it was My Day.

We went for a short walk in the morning because I wanted to do a lot of putting things away before we walked. I got a lot of supplies at Walmart. Plus, I wanted to be home in time to Zoom with Dianne, and talking with her was wonderful. Her daughter, Ashlee, is marrying a fabulous man in August, and I am going to the wedding in Dianne’s garden, and yesterday Dianne said that Sheba and I could stay at her house the evening after the wedding.

After our call, Sheba and I went shopping and then we went to Drumbeg to walk in glorious warmth and bright sunshine. Nothing beats walking in Drumbeg in a sunny day.

Th evening was the usual, and I slept like a bear through the night. We’re in for another bright and sunny day today, but the rain returns tomorrow along with much warmer nighttime temperatures. I will likely do some SPACE work and some reading today. It will be another slow and gentle day.

Vancouver 👎

By 13:30 Friday, I’d had four seizures. When I pulled into the parking lot of the Vancouver Island-to-Vancouver ferry, I felt strangely uncomfortable. It felt like I was filling up with something nasty, I now think it was anxiety that built to the seizures. I came home to a cold house and quickly lit the fire. Then I lay on the chaise, and thought to myself, I must never leave this island.

It was a beautiful day on both days, so that was a plus. Everything went according to plan with the hospital visit, and then I went off to meet Dwight for lunch. First, I went to the wrong street, parked and then realized what I had done, and set off to the correct street. But I could not find a place to park, so I was very late, and very, very stressed when I reached Dwight.

Trying to walk quickly and uphill to meet him, exhausted me. I was heaving for breath, but the food we had was delicious, and then Dwight walked me to my car many, many blocks away. From then on, I had to deadlines and I began to relax. We went to Ambleside beach where there is a large off-leash area to walk together, and then we went to John and Bunny’s place for dinner and to sleep.

One with the Moirs, I was relaxed. We had a good long talk before and during dinner, and then suddenly it was 22:00 and bedtime. John came with Sheba and I to a waterfront park to walk, and then he walked home and Sheba and I headed off to the ferry on a cool but beautiful day. We arrived on the big island just past noon and went to Walmart for paper and pet supplies before catching the Gabriola ferry that left just before 15:00. We were home at 15:30 and I’m not sure who was happiest, Sheba, me or the cats.

I unloaded the many supplies I’d bought, and then there was a knock at the door. It was my neighbours Deborah and Alwin. They’d come by to tell me that their dog Stormy had died. I wad grief stricken. We were all crying and chatting together for quite a while. Stormy and I loved each other. Whenever Alwin or Deborah walked her, she always stopped at my driveway to watch for me, and I would run outside to make a big fuss over here. I just loved her and so yesterday afternoon was very, very sad.

But it was so, so incredibly good to be home. I had no seizures during December, January and February I don’t think, and then four on Friday. I was right to leave the city, and I never want to live in one again. I want to stay home every day for the rest of my life. But I’m going to Vancouver in the Summer for Dianne’s daughter, Ashlee’s, wedding.

Today began with a thrill. I was exhausted from my days on the road, so I slept in until 6:00 this morning, and when I got up, it was daylight outside. That was a first for this year, rising to daylight. It’s very exciting!

Today will be a day of rest. It’s My Day, it’s stunning outside. The sky is clear, the sunshine is brilliant, it’s cold but the afternoon may be warm, and soon the rains return. So, we’ll have some lovely walks to day, and I’ll read and we’ll have a lovely quiet and warm day at Pinecone Park.

Off to Vancouver

 The overcast skies of early morning broke before sunup, and the day was seductively warm and inviting. I wanted to spend the day working on the yard, but I couldn’t consider it. I had too much SPACE stuff to do, and I wanted to have a soft day because today I got to Vancouver.

I’m taking the 6:20 ferry to the big island, walking Sheba when we get over there, and then heading to the ferry terminal to catch a ferry that leaves at 8:40. By arriving at the terminal early, I will be parked on a high deck and that means lots of natural light. I don’t like being on the lower decks. 

I did chores in the morning, and then at 9:30, I took Her Highness for a lovely long walk in the gorgeous weather. It was the finest walk of the season so far. The fragrances were intoxicating and the warm breeze made me want to stay outside all day. It was spectacular so we walked a good long distance. (I took Ibuprofen.)

As we were returning to the car, I came upon many friends walking as a group together with their dogs. I knew all eight of them from the Sunday dog walks I once did. It was great to see them, but Paula’s dog, Lecksy, who has a nasty streak in her, attacked Sheba. Sheba growled ferociously and bared her teeth, and she snapped at the attacking dog, but she did not hurt Lecksy, and people separated the dogs. I went into a nasty seizure.

Phil was amongst the group. He has comforted me before when I have sized due to chaos with the dogs, so he was very kind and comforting. Everyone waited until I was stable, and then we said our goodbyes. We came home and before long, it was lunch time. Once we were all fed, I got busy with SPACE bylaw revisions and I created a code of conduct document for SPACE, then Her Highness and I went for our afternoon walk. And it was, of course, fabulous because it was such and wonderfully mild Winter afternoon.

When we got home, I read until dinner time, fed the brood, hit the couch for a movie, added to the code of contact and went to bed early so that I’d wake up energized for our departure to Vancouver.

He, or she, is hard to see but there is a Bald Eagle perched in the tree.
We came upon him as we were walking last week.

Above and below, black fungi. I have never seen this type
of mushroom before. They are very firm and shiny.

Beautiful moss growing on a stem in the Elder Cedar rainforest.

When a Hemlock produces this many little cones, it sometimes
is a sign of impending death of the tree.

Another fungus, this time on a dead tree trunk.

Those deciduous trees are white, and in the sunshine they stand
out brilliantly in the greens of the forest. This picture was taken 
during a dull moment.

Yesterday's brilliant wonderful walk.

Above and below: I love how the moss lines the trail.

This photo doesn't do justice to the loveliness of shocking green
moss growing on all the branches of this enormous Maple. 

Looking Back With Thanks

Yesterday couldn’t help but be fabulous. It was brilliant and sunny, I was chuffed that my changed eating habits and weight were holding and I was not rebounding, and most of all, I felt rich because my scammed money was returned by the bank. God bless Vancity, plus I have made great progress with the speech language therapist database, and I had a lovely Zoom session with Aidan yesterday afternoon. What a great, great day!

We walked with our friends along a deep forest trail. It was cool, but I was in warm clothes, and we warmed up as we walked. And when we were done, Her Highness and I went into the village to pick up a prescription before returning to Pinecone Park for lunch and the wonderful heat of the fire.

After lunch, I wanted to read, but instead, I continued with the SLP database as I was going to be talking to Aidan at 14:00. It’s dreadfully tedious work. Considerable research goes into adding just one name to the list. It takes roughly three minutes of research to enter just one name! But thank goodness for AI because it makes finding the email addresses of many of the SLPs easy.

Our Zoom meeting was very productive. I am going to start writing revised bylaws to get a break from the database. I’m chuffed by all this work with Aidan and SPACE. My brain is used, and I love technical writing, plus, I am helping an organization that is doing fabulous work for people who are dysfluent.

After the meeting Her Highness and I went to Rollo Park and Regina and her dog, Billie, were there. I love them both, so it was a very pleasant surprise. We had a short visit and then Sheba and I walked the trails. Not long after getting back to Pinecone Park, it was dinner time for the brood and then … and then… the couch, my dinner and The Choral!

I’d seen ads for the film, that’s why I was willing to pay $30 to see it. It was worth it. The plot and script are right out of Disney or Hallmark, but I loved it—particularly the singing. I listen to Choral Concert every Sunday, and I had to take Kleenex to every concert of Chor Leone, so this film was bound to fulfill me. Ralf Fiennes is terrific, but it’s the singing that is majestic.

And although the script is simplistic, the concept of a reinterpretation of Elgar to create a powerful and very moving anti-war artwork is brilliant and powerful. The last image of the film is perfect. It has stayed with me. It’s a message we’ve heard before, but it’s beautifully said again in this film, just as the choral master adapts the music to say it again, but in his version, he speaks to the present. And when the film is over, stay with it. Close your eyes as the credits roll and listen to the music. It’s oh, so beautiful. The two lead singers in The Choral, the first time we hear them sing, I cried both times. Beauty moves me; it has all my life, and their voices are as beautiful as is humanly possible. 

When they sing as they do in this film, at such a majestic level, it feeds my creative soul. And that made me remember that one thing likely saved me from becoming an angry or sad person due to my abuse: it is my passion for the arts.

I was rejected by both my birth family, and the people who adopted and neglected me. I bought into the ancestry of neither family. I always felt ‘outside;’ I had no backstory to inherit. But! I had a conviction that I was French, and that turned out to be true—50% of my genes. And I had a passion for the arts; I worked in many roles and achieved many things in the arts that I am proud.  

I didn’t care about money, and fame was of no interest to me. When I did my wee theatre shows, by far,the worst part of every show was the curtain call and getting out of the building through people I knew who wanted to wish me well. On the stage, I am in control and comfortable. Off-stage I am overwhelmed with fear. I feel exposed and vulnerable, and when everyone is looking at me, it kills me.

My passion for the arts is a prime life fact and a great source of joy. My other passion is for animals and nature. I’m terribly proud of that I deduced early in my life that I might be French. I had experiences that made me suspect my ethnic root that began at age eight or nine, and I had one of the best years of my life living in Nice with exceptional people and learning the language (to a certain extent).

But I didn’t live French. It wasn’t in my blood, like my passion for the arts was. But I still find it incredible that I interpreted my experiences correctly. I’m very proud to be half Québécois; it means more to me than anything I created in my career. It gave me a backstory; my love of the arts did not do that. However, working in the arts was to join a family of extraordinary people. 

I am powerfully indebted to Françoise for planting her language in my soul. She was a professional in the arts and she achieved great heights. When I learned her name from our social worker, after she and I talked for the first time, my friends and I went to our place (Steve’s and mine) to watch the movie, Agnes of God, in which she had a small speaking part. So, I must also thank Françoise for whatever it is we share, that gave me a life in the arts. 

As I have neither children nor grandchildren, I need things to think about things that bring me joy—especially as I age.

After the movie, I wrote an article for our local paper, and then I hit the hay. A great day, all in all!

This morning is overcast but very warm. It’s going to be a day of mixed weather. I have tons of SPACE work to do, I have a good book to read, we’ll walk of course, and I will prepare for my day tomorrow in Vancouver.