A Work Day

At 9:00 yesterday morning, I was out moving wood to make space for the huge rounds of bucked wood that I planned to roll into the shed to dry out during Winter. Come Springtime, I may be able to split them with Kevin’s iron wedges and a borrowed sledgehammer. I wanted to get some work done before Pete arrived at 10:00. It would give us a head start on the work of the day. Sigh.

But oh, how tired I get, and how quickly I run out of breath. Walking next door to Dave and Ursula’s to fetch the wooden blocks onto which we will place the splitter, and then toting the load back to my place wore me out. I don’t see Dr. Dorscheid until Spring, so I won’t be able to ask him about my breathing until then.

I warned Pete about how weak I am when he arrived, but I also said that what we can do together will be of great help to me, and what we cannot do, will get done some other time. He was fine with that. He’s such a wonderful early-going fellow! We got to work and I was amazed. After an hour of splitting with the splitter, we’d slit almost half of the splitable wood. And I’d rolled half of the rounds too large to split into the shed. I was thrilled by our progress!

I couldn’t believe it. We were finished by 12:30. The huge rounds we couldn’t split, are in the shed to dry until Springtime. They’ll be easier to split with iron wedges once they have dried out. I expect to split them late in the coming Summer. With Pete helping me and using the splitter instead of chopping the bucked wood, we moved fast. Pete thought it would take all day. I thought it would take more than a day, but we got everything done in 2.5 hours! It felt very, very good to be done and back in the warm and cozy house. 

Bless this generous man! Pete came back to work on my studio roof for a couple of hours. He removed all the forest fall and cleaned the gutters. What a guy he is! I, however, do not feel comfortable then he’s working so hard for me and I’m on my fat ass in the house. But every year this happens. When he cleaned the house roof, I helped him the entire time. But not yesterday. He did the roof of the studio and the shed, and he used his enormous blower to clean up the courtyard and front sidewalk to my front door.

I went to the calendar where I recorded my first monster seizure. I wanted to add the second much less physical seizure. When I did, I saw that it was five days ago, including yesterday. I thought ten days had gone by since the second seizure. I want to get through this week without seizing.

My whole body is hurting. It’s not major pain; it’s just low-grade pain all over. Carrying wood into the house this morning was torture on my back. I reckon that I should be bringing in lighter loads and making two trips to the shed.

I shall be spending the day chilling, letting my body heal. I’m so glad that I have absolutely nothing on my plate today. There’s a lot of rain in the forecast. Except for tomorrow, it is predicted to be warmer and wetter.

Audubon Photo/Video Awards

 

Sunday morning, I love to listen to Choral Concert on CBC Radio, and yesterday, blessed with a gloriously bright and sunny day without a single cloud in the sky, it was particularly lovely listening. The only slightly off-putting moment was when Frédérika Petit-Homme played a piece that sounded an awful lot like a Christmas carol, and I’m not ready for Christmas music yet.

At 9:30, Her Highness and I went for our morning walk. It was lovely, but a cool 6°. I loved every second of the walk because I kind of dreaded the work I undertook when I got home: more splitting and stacking and nursing the very sore back that comes with the work. I resolved to stop when the pain came on strong and/or when I was out of breath, and to take a good break before returning to the barrow and maul. 

But I didn’t pick up tools when I got home. Instead, I watched my favourite vloggers. Watching Martijn Doolaard is one of my favourite things about Sunday. I’ve been watching him weekly for five years. We had lunch and then I got to work and I chopped and stacked for three hours, taking lots of breaks. I had to. I’d get so out of breath.

Pete came by at 14:00, and we went next door to Dave and Ursula’s and got the splitter, so tomorrow Pete’s coming over at 10:00 and we’re going to use the splitter for the rest of the splitting. And knowing he’s going to be helping me, and I won’t have to chop the wood, I decided to take Her Highness walking and then to have a spa. After all, it was My Day.

But I was chuffed that I was able to do as much of the splitting and stacking as I did. It was good for me to discover that I can still do physical labour, albeit slowly and with lots of breaks. It makes me feel more optimistic about my future; I want to stay in this house for as long as I can.

So, today shall be a workday. I’d rather be on the chaise, but at least it’s going to be a sunny day, and I love Pete’s company and tonight will be wonderful. I’m already looking forward to a roaring fire and a movie. And there’s only ten more days until I see Dr. S! 

Ornamental Cherry. One of two.

Red glory by the spa.

The Japanese Maple and Ornamental Cherry in
the orchard area of the yard.

The Japanese Maple by the spa.

Japonica in bloom.

My workspace yesterday: chopping bloc on the left, chair for
resting on the right.

The wood we must split today and, probably, on another day.

This is the wood I wa sable to split with my maul. The stack is
up to my waist. I'm chuffed by what I was able to do in three hours.

Fuchsia in bloom.

Back to Being Mute

I was positively thrilled to see golden sunlight illuminating the tops of the trees yesterday morning. It was going to be a day for at least one soak in the spa. Soon, I will be emptying the spa until April or May. It’s too expensive to heat my overly large hot tub through the Winter.

Sunshine is good medicine for me. It lifts my spirits. I looked forward to passing a lovely day at the sight of it. First up, once I was done with morning chores, was walking Her Highness. At one point on the trail, the deciduous Alder trees overwhelmed me with their beauty. Most of the leaves were on the ground, but there were many still on each branch and their wet surface shimmered in the sunlight that ghosted through the morning mist. It was a stunning sight.

I ran into Sandy walking Baxter, and later two neighbours on their morning walk coming along Violet Crescent. Sandy knows me, so I felt comfortable struggling to get words out. The other couple are people I’ve been waving to for years as I pass them walking. They are fanatical walkers. Yesterday was my first time talking with them and it was brutal. But they showed no signs at all of shock or frustration. We had a nice short chat.

I ordered more elastic waist and cuff pants. I love the convenience and comfort of them. It’s a bit like wearing my pyjamas outdoors. 

Just before noon, I went out to chop and stack wood. I could not do too much before I had to come inside to cool down, to catch my breath and to let everything hurting feel better. Wow! It’s brutally hard for this old man with asthma to do. After I rested and had caught my breath, we went into the village for bread and to see what snacks I could find in Wishbone.

I left for the village, thinking I would no more splitting and stacking when I got back, but I fear it’s just too much for me. I need help and Pete has offered, so I may wait for a day when he can help me. Yowza, it’s very hard work! Instead, I got into the spa. And oh, the joy of being in warm water. Heaven!

Crystal, with whom I was bosom buddies for a decade, called my last night. It was thrilling to see her name on the screen of my iPad. I can’t believe I did this: I answered the call on my watch, and I spoke with great difficulty as I walked to my computer and switched the call to its large screen. I was Dick Tracey! While we were talking, Sarah MacLachlan came home. Crystal is staying in her house. I felt nervous/embarrassed about my impaired speech, when Sarah joined it. She, of course, was her lovely self.

I’m going backwards. I must carry my iPad and phone with me when I go out. I’ve been rendered severely disabled with speech in and out all through this journey.

What I don’t like about this level of impairment I have now, is that I can’t participate meaningfully in conversation. I can function, but I can’t play, is how I see it. As usual, I feel disinclined to initiate anything social.  Don’t want to ‘inflict’ myself on anyone.

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I have a word: disruptor. And a new term: benign distruptor.

If I am asked, “What’s wrong with you?” There are several different ways I can answer that question.  I had diagnoses: Complex PTSD and Functional Neurological Disorder. I’ve amassed a large new vocabulary, learning about my brain, and in particular, the amygdala, and the nervous system. I’ve also had to learn a lot about my past and its legacy. I’ve had to understand how emotion becomes physical. 

In one session several years ago, Dr. S. said, in response to something I’d asked her, “Well, with all anxiety disorders ….” And bells rang in my head. Hallelujah, brother, I got understanding! I got resonance! That one word brought clarity to me of what was going on. One simple word, and a word everyone understands.

I don’t use that word to describe myself because we’re having a pandemic of anxiety right now. The word has weight right now, almost status. If you don’t have anxiety, you aren’t trying hard enough. That kind of thing.  Sometimes, I like to say: “I am what happens when I child is not loved.”

I love that answer. That’s what I told the paramedics when I came out of the seizure. Those were my first words. When I say that, I am telling the truth. But I am also teaching an important lesson about the power of love, and its absence. 

What I say most of the time, is: “I’ve got a neurological condition.” With friends, I always say “psycho-neurological,” It’s far more informative and the role of anxiety is made obvious by my symptoms.

Single words, the most impactful being, “neglected,” have been door openers to enlightenment of my condition. Words that fit and sometimes hit. I hated hearing Dr. S. refer to me as a neglected child. That word hurt for a long, long time. Writing and performing my play had me using words in a way I’d never done before. Every word was a careful choice.

A big topic of conversation between Dr. S. and me concerns my relationship with people. I am sustained by the love of my friends, but people make me nervous—so nervous I have seizures. I could honestly say that 85% of my seizures are when I am with friends or acquaintances.

Suddenly, last night, out of nowhere, I thought: ‘disruptors.’ That’s what people are to my brain. People bring disorder into my environment. I cannot control them. And they will say things, or suddenly move an arm, or speak too quickly, or too loudly, and I will have a seizure. 

But I like to use the term “benign disruptor,” because I’m triggered by normal human behaviour. Once, a friend went to put his arm around me, and I dodged, tripped and fell. I thought he was going to hurt me. It still gives me the shivers to recall that event. I felt deeply embarrassed. 

I had a good chat with Dwight, watched a play on National Theatre and went to bed. I love going to bed.

•

On September 4, 2026, the UN General Assembly voted 164 to 1 to adopt the Correct the Mapresolution. Sponsored by Togo on behalf of the African Union, the resolution formally called for institutions to phase out the traditional 1569 Mercator projection in favour of equal-area designs, specifically endorsing the 2018 Equal Earth map projection. 

The Mercator projection distorted the relativity of size. It showed Greenland (2 million square miles) as roughly the same size of Africa (30 million square miles). One hundred and sixty-four nations voted in favour of the change, there were six abstentions, and only one nation voted against the proposal: the USA! What a fucking loser of a nation the USA is now.

•

Today is going to be sunny again. I shall try to do more splitting and stacking. I didn’t get much done yesterday, but if I keep at it, I shall feel very good about it. There are several rounds that are too big for me to move and split. I’ll need help to get them split and stacked. Pete is coming by today to check out the challenge. He’s willing to help me, bless him! 

And speaking of blessings, Dwight calls me every day just to chat. He’s perfect for me. He’s up, we talk about him and his life as well as me and mine, and he’s just there, always happy and encouraging. He is not sad for me and sympathetic, and I like that very much!

Luciano Pavarotti, 1935.

Love Randy Rainbow

 

More rain, but light rain, and more clouds, but thinner clouds letting in more light. That was yesterday, and I was committed to a day of chilling after Thursday evening’s seizure. I was glad to be up to date with SPACE duties, and to have nothing on my plate until Wednesday, when I have a SPACE board meeting.

We didn’t take our morning walk until 10:00, and soon after getting back home it was lunchtime. But before eating, I booked my RSV, COVID and FLU shots. I’m relieved to have finally been able to secure all three shots. I had no need to go into the village, so I had a very easy day at home.

I was pretty much mute yesterday. I can say a single word or two sometimes, one syllable at a time. Nancy came by to check in with me, and I ran into Chris on the trails, but I couldn’t speak to either of them, neither could I call Sheba to the car after our afternoon walk. But I’m not fazed at all. Nothing lasts too long.

My new elastic waist pants arrived and I love them! I have another brand pair arriving soon. I am done with belts, buttons and zippers. Dressing is a new, more comfortable and easier part of my day. I love the elastic cuffs at the ankles that make getting into my rubber boots so easy.

Our evening was gentle. I love the heat of the fire, it’s crackles and, when I go outside, the smell of woodsmoke. I felt no anxiety on the chaise. Whatever is going to happen, will happen.

It’s a damp dark cool morning (6°), but sunshine is predicted for later in the day and that could mean I get out there to stack some wood. I won’t do it unless it’s sunny and I feel good about bending over to pick up the wood and to stack it. My back is prone to acting up, but I shall try to get some done today.

Bonnie and Sue, the lovely women I met last Summer and with whom I instantly bonded, arrive here on Monday. They rented a place to stay until they get occupancy of their new home here on the 11^th. I’m really looking forward to having them on the island. We get along extremely well.