IA impresses Me

Tuesday morning dawned cool and there was a thick cloud ceiling of dark clouds. I immediately started hoping for rain, but there’s no rain in the forecast until Saturday, when I’ll be going to Vancouver. Sigh. I had a very busy morning putting the house in order after our feast day on Monday. 

Di and Bev were here until 15:45. They were on the 18:00 ferry to Vancouver from Departure Bay in Nanaimo. We stayed home all day except Di and I took Sheba for an afternoon walk in Rollo Park. It was lovely to have a trusted and beloved friend to walk with while Sheba sniffed everywhere, in search of that which we don’t discuss to eat.

We talked, we ate, we read, each on our own agendas. I definitely feel less vulnerable to seizures, and I can use the phone sometimes. That’s huge for me. I still startle so violently, it often results in an injury. And, of course, my speech is still shite.

What I loved about Tuesday was that everyone did as they wanted to do, but we were often talking together or in a pair. It was our third day together and so we were comfortable in each others company. I had a great time, and I was sad when they left. It feels good, though, to be alone. It is life at its safest being silently at home, but for some chatting with my quadrupeds.

Now I must survive Saturday and then the film shoot on Sunday. After this is done, I am on a low-ket diet until Christmas when Paula comes. Paula and I started having Christmas together here a few years ago.

Saturday, Sheba and I go from Gabriola to Nanaimo on one ferry, and then we take the big ferry to Vancouver. We go to John’s and I walk Sheba there. Afterwards, I have a visit with John and Bunny, then I go to the venue, we do a tech rehearsal. (I loathe tech rehearsals. They make me nervous for some reason, and the show doesn’t make me nervous.

This is my third gig since the onset of my speech disorder.^1. This is the shortest one yet, and it feels very different this time. The first time was for The Flame, a storytelling collective in Vancouver. It was a blast. I became a regular, and I just loved it. After my speech came on, I did a ‘last time’ show about my condition. I me memorized it and eliminated words that caused stuttering. Then I did a monologue in Victoria. It was seventeen minutes and, again, I memorized it. This time, it was in rhyme and had rhythm. Saturday is 40% memorized, 50% improv.

The bit is called “voices.” I do bits in rhyme that I’ve memorized, and one part is in French, in which I am fluent, and one part in my fake Australian accent, also in which I am fluent. Then I do the improv part so that people hear my stutter as I explain why my stutter is my friend.

I watched The Invite last night. I was sceptical even though it scores at 96% on Rotton Tomatoes. At first, I was not entirely engaged, but it turned into a fantastically comedic piece. I thought all the actors were all wonderful: Seth Rogan, Olivia Wilde, Penelope Cruz and Edward Norton. I can’t remember laughing out loud at something in a movie since cynicism/fatalism has set in—but I compartmentalize. I know I’ve found a lot of things funny, but I don’t feel like much of a laugher since middle age. I laughed a few times in this movie. That says a lot.

I typed this into AI:

I have a speech disorder. I have very broken speech. I have blocks, and sometimes they last four-to-five seconds. With strangers, I cannot speak at all. I have been warmly welcomed by the stuttering community because I am a neurogenic stutterer. I don't think developmental stutterers go mute with strangers as I do. When I go out to see a realtor, or a bank person, all professionals and salespeople, I take a letter. In the conversation that stems from what I have written, I write on my iPhone, Also, I have things like, "why I can't speak," "what to do if I have a seizure," and "why I need a low-stimulus environment," stored on my phone.  I want to be very clear and careful about what I write about myself and my condition. So, I want to know how I should most honestly describe myself. The muteness makes me feel different. And it feels odd to write that I stutter to explain why I cannot speak at all. It's been challenging having Complex PTSD and Functional Neurological Disorder. I want to get things right in my terminology.

If fucking blows my mind what I got back. I posted my exact words here because I intend to do the search again when I have time to cut and paste much of the information that comes up in the answer into a document.

I learned a lot about my nervous system. I rationalized my life experience as a dysfluent person on a chart that gave me comfort to see it. It was such a nice and tidy explanation of my speech changes. It made sense of the disorder I’ve been living for over a decade. Trying to figure myself out. And there’s AI giving me language and insight to help explain my post-diagnosis self to anyone interested.

What’s most important to me is understanding myself. And this chart was a gift. It’s not new information, but it’s ordered and rationalized so tidily. I wish I could describe how I feel, but I can’t. I’m deeply moved by this chart. AI isn’t all bad.

Departure Day for Di & Bev

Monday was a cold 7° when I went out to fetch wood with which to light a morning fire. I didn’t light a fire on Sunday night, so it was quite cool in the house yesterday morning. It’s so great that I wake up so early. By the time my guests rise, the house is warm and in order.

It was nice to rise knowing that our day’s schedule was set. The plan was just to chill until mid-morning, and then start cooking at 11:00, and to eat at 14:30. And then chill the rest of the day away until snacks and a movie. 

I took Sheba for a walk at around 10:00, and then I went into the village for shallots and lemons. When I got home, I prepped the Brussel Sprout dish for an hour and a half. I took the leaves off a large bag of sprouts, checking each one for damage. And then I shelled an entire package of pistachios. I also prepped the carrots, peeling and cutting them, and the potatoes. I coated nugget potatoes in butter, garlic, parmesan, salt and pepper and cooked them in the air fryer.

It was a blast getting the feast ready together. When I had a break, I video called Steve and Dwight just to say hi on Thanksgiving. Bev cooked the turkey, Dianne made the cranberry sauce, and I was the vegetable chef. I made the sprouts, the spuds and carrots (served in a sauce of Dijon, butter and a little brown sugar).

After we’d eaten, I did all the dishes. There were a lot of them to do! Then we went to Elder Cedar to walk the trail together before coming home to watch a movie. Then my Di and Bev started watching another movie, but I went to bed. I was dead tired.

This morning, the pets let me sleep in until 5:00. What a break! Then I was up and putting all the dishes and pans away, and I took all the recycling out and sorted it. Order restored, and I felt good about it. A ton of laundry will be done this afternoon, but otherwise, today is for resting.

I got an email from someone at SPACE suggesting what I should wear for my performance. I didn’t like being told what to wear, but I shall do my best to look the part for them. Jeez!

Di and Bev are here for much of today, but they leave later in the afternoon to return to Vancouver. They’ll be packing big turkey sandwiches for their dinner.

Dianne and Bev: Day Two

Sunday is My Day, and what a day it shaped up to be. The weather, though brisk in the mornings, is spectacular. October is the new September. Thankfully, we’re predicted to have rain on Wednesday. I hope it rains because the soil is dry again. 

I slept in until 5:00. What a great way to start My Day. I restored order to the living room. On Friday night we moved the chairs and table to a more theatre-like arrangement as we watched our evening movie. And I lit the fire, posted, and watched my favourite vlogger’s weekly post.

Bev was up at 7:00, and shortly after that I went back to bed for a wee nap. Then I had a spa and then Her Highness and I went for our morning walk, and when we got back from our walk, Dianne was up. It was 10:00. 

While the guests had their breakfast, we planned our day. I’d made a quiche that we ate for lunch (followed by cake), and then Bev and Di went to visit some studios while I watered my garden beds. It took two hours on a glorious, uplifting day. I hadn’t visited all my floral friends for weeks. 

When Di and Bev came home from touring studios, it was Happy Hour time, so they got themselves a glass of wine and I got some Diet Coke, and we chatted until it was time for me to go into the village to pick up a big, delicious pizza from Woodfire. I came home, we ate, we watched a movie and then went to bed.

Today, it will be sunny again. It was 7° when I lit the morning fire. I can’t believe we’re having Winter lows overnight already. But it will be a doozy of a day, and we shall be cooking our Thanksgiving dinner together. I got a five-pound turkey, and we’ve sauces and veggies to cook. 

We’re going to eat a big meal around 14:00 and then snack on leftovers for dinner while we watch another movie. 

We’ve had a great time together!

•

As I get ready to head out for Vancouver this coming weekend to do a short monologue, I am stoked to note that for a while now I have been making phone calls that were once impossible for me to make. And so far, I’ve not had a seizure since Di and Bev arrived. I had one seizure when Doug was here, but it was because we went to the very busy and very loud Apple Fair. It was not due to Doug’s presence in my home. I think that I am in the best shape that I’ve ever been in since my breakdown in Spring 2016. 

I remain highly reactive to stimuli. When Bev sneezed last night, I almost broke my arm over-reacting to the sudden sound, but I can’t deny signs of vast improvement in my symptoms. Woo hoo!

Di and Bev Arrive

I had several chores to do around the house once the brood was fed and the morning fire had been lit. I vacuumed the guest rooms, washed the guest bathtub, cleaned the stove and it’s all ready to receive Tom Turkey, plus I cleaned the microwave and the cattery. I got everything done that I wanted to do.

I washed a rug and chopped some wood to have at the ready for fires during Di and Beverly’s visit, and I finished with chores (except for some shopping) at 9:30. My back was killing me. I needed a sit down before heading out for our walk.

After I posted on my blog, I took Her Highness for our morning sojourn through the forest and then we went into the village to shop for supplies. And then … and then … I did some watering! We haven’t had any rain for five days and there is no rain in the forecast, so some spot watering was in the cards.

Yesterday morning was out final Saturday morning farmers’ market at the Agi Hall. Another sign of the dark and wet to come. Sigh. We got all the things that we needed in the village, and I got busy using my blower to clean the deck, courtyard and front walk of all the accumulated needles.

At 12:30, I was done with duties. It was time to relax. I kept calling Dianne to learn of her ETA, but I got no answer. However, I reckoned she would arrive at around 14:00, but she and Beverly didn’t get here until 15:00. They’d had a very long day of travel, so we got them unloaded and settled into their room. I’d bought some gorgeous smelling lilies, and I had several blooms on a single stalk in each room. I was thrilled when Dianne opened her door and she exalted in the fragrance of the flowers.

We called The Surf to reserve for dinner because Beverely was craving fish and chips, but they were booked solid. They suggested we come shortly before five, and they’d try to fit us in. We did, and they did. We all enjoyed a delicious meal and then came home for cake (it is delicious with the orange cream) and a movie.

I didn’t make it through the movie. I was exhausted, so I was in bed at 21:00, and quickly went to sleep.

•

It’s another day of clear sky, but it was a chilly 9° when I rose at 4:30. I sorted the living room and lit a nice roaring morning fire. We’ll improvise through the day, but I know Bev and Di will be going to visit some of the artist studios that are open. Most of the island artists open their studios on Thanksgiving weekend, and lots of tourists come to visit the island and take in the Studio Tour. In this gorgeous Fall weather, the island is crawling with bicyclists. 

It’s going to be a great day, and tomorrow we cook and feast.