Our morning walk was nasty. Because my left foot is sore, I walk differently. I limp and it makes my right leg ache. Plus, after we’d walked for fifteen minutes, it started raining and raining quite hard, so we turned around and walked back to the car. It felt good to return home and to be able to chill without any anxiety about things needing to be done.
We had an early lunch, then I took too my recliner for a wee rest in the sunshine. It was only 12° at noon, so it was super pleasant in the sunshine. It gives me thrills to feel the heat on my skin. I am a heat lover when it is temperate; I hate the heat when it’s hot. I prefer temperatures under 20°.
I was tempted to take Her Highness for a midday walk, but I did something nasty to my left heel, the one that’s so sore. I tread on something that made me lose my balance and stretch my Achillies heel, and man-oh-man did that hurt! Walking until later in the day was out. Instead, I had a spa.
Before getting into the spa, though, I sewed some California poppy seeds in my front garden. I hope they take. I love the bright, shiny golden orange blossoms, and Deer seem to leave them alone. Hopefully soon, I will have some glorious golden colour to look out upon in the front bed.
After the spa, I read. I can’t get enough of Kate Atkinson. Behind the Scenes at the Museum is a great, great read. I’ve a lot left to read, thank goodness, but I have more books waiting. These idle days after stacking all the wood are heavenly (except for my sore forehead, eye and foot).
Our evening was the usual. I slept deeply last night, and I really enjoyed sleeping in until almost 5:00! When I got up, I could not open my left eye. I had to pull it open with my hands. I must have some kind of infection. The glue holding my eye closed, I reckon, is puss. But I see fine and it is far less painful.
And walking this morning was close to painless; the swelling in my foot is almost gone. I’ll see how the day goes with both my eye and foot. My eye is still irritated. It’s fine when I am looking forward, but if I look to either side, it feels like something is scraping my eyeball. Ageing sucks.
It’s My Day again. I shall enjoy reading and having a soak. I won’t be doing much work in the yard. The clouds and cool temperatures mean I am not having to water very much at all. I’d thought of going to Silva Bay for fish tacos at the food truck, but it’s too cool to enjoy eating outside. It’s only 12° at 8:00, but the sky is brightening and so there may be some sunshine today, and it may get warmer.
•
I met Leslie in 1974, and we very quickly became fast friends. When I met Steve in 1980, the three of us spent a great deal of time together. When Dwight moved in with Steve and I, Leslie was thrilled. I could tell that she had a crush on Dwight.
Leslie has been a big part of my life. One of her closest friends long ago, was Jude, and when she heard that my doctors wanted to find my birth mother, she contacted Jude who worked in the provincial Adoption Reunion Office. Jude became my case worker, and she and Leslie were with me every step of the way.
Much later in my life, she gave me one of those DNA kits to learn about my ancestry, and that very, very quickly led to me finding out who my birth father was and to contact with living Gordon family members.
How could Leslie not be a cherished friend? I was hooked, but a few years ago, she lost interest in our friendship. I would get no reply to my emails, and I would never hear from her unless I reached out. In January, I sent her a long email, and I sent a snail mail letter with some photographs of us from our past together. Since then, I have heard nothing. And since then, I have thought of her every single day.
That’s not an exaggeration. I think of her every day because I miss her and I’m hurt that our friendship appears to have died. I wrote her a kind of ‘final’ email, thanking her for the unbelievable gifts she gave me. Imagine, gifting someone with knowledge of who they are and their history. That is a great friend who does something like that! And yet, now I seem to mean nothing to her.
I worry, of course, that I said or did something to offend her, but I truly believe that is not the case. I also worry that my poor speech has played a factor in the demise of our once very close friendship. I reckon it’s just people changing, but I’ve been aching over the loss. I wrote the email to send hoping that it might stop me from thinking about her all the time, but I haven’t sent it.
I don’t believe in letting friendships dying. I believe that the right thing to do when one feels a sense of detachment from someone who was once close, is to end it properly. When my friend Edwin seemed to be fading away, I wrote to him and invited him to dinner at a nice restaurant. We had a great time together and then, over dessert, I addressed the change in our relationship. I told him I understood how things can change and that I wanted to invite him to dinner to thank him for all the great, great times we’d had together.
We don’t communicate anymore, but it didn’t hurt to lose him because I formally said goodbye. I reckon all this complexity about my feelings when losing a friend is unsurprising given my upbringing of neglect. Friendships mean a great deal to me, so I treat them with respect and care.
Leslie is a wonderful person. It hurts to lose her, but it’s inappropriate to fight to be wanted by someone who doesn’t want me. David, another incredibly wonderful friend, stopped answering my calls and emails when I moved to Gabriola. That hurt terribly as well.
Thank God for my friends who have stuck with me from long ago. Bruce, Beth, Paula, Dwight and Steve keep me going. And I have made some lovely friends here, so I do not feel forgotten. Still, I shall miss the woman who found my birth parents forever.
