Tiling Done

This is the stove foundation that I've been working on. The foundation under the
stove is the original foundation, my work involved doubling it's size, adding a
second  half (right). I can't believe that I was able to do this work.

It was wet, wet, wet on Friday. Sheba and I did not do our morning walk. Instead, I went to work in the studio in advance of Pete’s arrival to help me tile the new foundation for the woodstove. 

I lit a fire to warm up a building that is never heated so that we could work in comfort. And then I moved things around to give me a place to put mortar on the tiles and to put them into place, and Pete a place to cut them. I mixed some mortar and got the grout ready for mixing once the tiling was done. It was a day of nasty weather, but I enjoyed working with Pete in cozy warmth and a nice dry space.

I’m feeling SO much better now that the living room fireplace is fixed, and all the eye appointments are done, and I’ve done all the work that I was required to do to make the studio fireplace to code. I feel free—free of onerous responsibilities and free to stay at home. Home is the only place I feel wonderful, and I only feel wonderful when all the chores needing to be done, are done. As each day goes by, and I get more used to being who I am since the onset of the second coming.

Pete arrived at half eleven, and we got to work. First, he had to fix the tile cutter because it didn’t work. It had been sitting idle for over a decade. Pete did the tile cutting on his machine, and I cemented the cut tiles into place. Plus, I made and served him lunch. We got started with the work at 12:30 and finished at 3:00. I am thrilled to have the new foundation for the stove in the studio almost finished. All I need to do is grout the gaps once the cement has dried.

Although it was easy work, and pleasant work being with Pete, I was, of course, fried by the time we were finished. But there was cleaning up to do, so I did that and then I slid into the spa for some relaxation before making dinner and settling onto the chaise for the evening.

I invited Kris, Steve and Nancy for dinner on Monday night, so I’ll be busy baking this weekend and prepping sauces and dressings for the meal.

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My friends see my seizures and hear my speech, and they know I have a diagnosis, but I’m not sure many of them would know what it is. The word I push is neurological, but that’s just part of it. I asked Dr. Shoja last time, if I had PTSD and FND, or did my FND diagnosis trump PTSD?

First, she told me that I had C-PTSD and not PTSD. The “c” stands for Complex. They two conditions are separate listings in the official medical bible. C-PTSD is due to long-term exposure to abuse or neglect; PTSD is short-term exposure to trauma. I also have FND, and I understand that it is a consequence of having C-PTSD. And this is a particularly nasty combination of disorders because the neurological condition has me over-react to stimuli, and C-PTSD fills my life with triggers, hence the seizures. It felt good to have a nice concise review of my diagnosis.

What no one knows about, except Dr. Shoja, and is neither seen nor heard, are the storms in my head and body. I now have chronic pain across the top of my shoulders, across my upper back and in my neck. It’s from speaking. I must force the speech out of me, so I tense up all over my torso, and my arms flail, my head moves a lot, back and forth, side to side, and I often grimace—all from the effort it takes to speak. Speech has become very, very physical, and it tires me out.

I seek out Dr. Shoja when the internal stuff gets out of hand, as it has since mid-October. Life has become intense since the second coming. I wanted to decompress with her help as a prophylactic move in advance of having a guest for ten days. As much as I love him, I must monitor my stimulation. I am at par with wonderful Davey; I know I can ask him for rests from talking each day; he is completely understanding of my needs and vulnerabilities. 

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Today I have few obligations. I can have a soft day, and I’ve awakened to mostly clear skies. It’s going to be a nice day. I’ve got to shop for supplies for Monday night’s dinner, and I may do some work on finishing the stove foundation in the studio. I’ve the caulking of the cracks with mortar to do.