Friday: The Most Amazing Day!!!

 I’ve been terribly busy, hence the delay in posting. 

thursday

I labored for eight hours to make Ali’s cake. They expect 50 people, so I made my layers on my large cookie sheets. Each layer was thin but large; they were each twelve inches by eighteen inches. It was impossible to manage the layers because they were so large and thin. I had to flip the cooked layers out of the cookie sheets and onto parchment paper so that I could pick each layer up.

The first layer was easy, except once I flipped it onto the large cutting board that I was using as a base, I couldn’t move it. If I tried, the layer would show signs of cracking and breaking apart. I covered the bottom layer with a nice thick layer of whipping cream thickened with gelatin, and then I laid sliced strawberries all over the top of the cream. Then I had to flip the second layer onto the cream, and it worked, but just barely. Once a layer landed, there was no moving it.

I covered the second layer with cream and sliced strawberries and then flipped the third layer on top. It landed well, and the worst of the cake building was done. Then I made a huge batch of chocolate butter cream and had exactly enough to cover the cake. I put six large strawberries on the top of the cake in a straight line down the centre, and into each one I put a very thin, very tall gold coloured candle. I also put little gold stars on either side of each berry—one berry for each of Ali’s six decades.

I didn’t finish until 4:00, and then I took Her Highness for a walk. My poor dear girl had been ignored all day because I was baking. Today, I’ll take her for three walks, and I’ll pay lot of attention to her. I was gasping for breath on the walk. 

The evening, of course, involved the TV, but I was too tired for anything, so we went to bed very early. And so, of course, I rose early this morning. I had a lot of chores to do because yesterday was all about the cake. And then we went forest walking with our friends on a beautiful, wonderful morning. 

Yesterday I was outside after Pete and Ali came to pick up the cake, and all I was wearing was a t-shirt above the waist. It was 20° and my brain was flooded with memories of sunny days past in Vancouver, France, India and Africa. Birdsong is constant and blooms and buds are everywhere. What a wonderful time of year this is!

I’m keen on a nap and a spa in the afternoon sun and a relaxing day to myself.

friday

Friday was a pretty great day! We walked with our friends in the morning, and as we started walking we encountered Richard, a tattooed mountain of a man. He was instantly wonderfully warm and open. I was smitten immediately because he had class when he spoke. He’s a firefighter, and he’s on Gabe because his step-son is getting married here today.

We walked a long route to show him how to get back to his family. He’d become lost on the trails, but didn’t give a damn because he thinks Gabriola is paradise on earth. It was such a lovely way to start my day, befriending a wonderful stranger.

Our walk was an hour-and-a-half, so I was beat when we got home. I had a brief rest before feeding the family and then doing light minor chores around the house and watering the edible garden and the front yard beds. Then it was time to go to Pete and Alis party—just for a few minutes and with my wonderful neighbour Nancy at my side.

What a house we were in! Friends of Ali’s opened their house up for her party, and it turned out to be the mansion everyone sees from the ferry and covets. It’s enormous and it’s altogether amazing in good weather, which we had, because many of the walls disappear making no boundary between indoors and outdoors. 

I made the monster-sized cake, and Nancy made two kinds of cupcakes that were angel food cake. Yum! We went very late in Nancy’s car, and when we walked into the party, people cheered us because Peter had made a speech and thanked us for the cake and cupcakes. My cake was a HUGE hit. People were leaving with large pieces on a paper plate. I felt good, but it also cared the crap out of me because I knew what was coming.

People reach out and touch me, and they call me by name, and they say very lovely things, and on one hand it’s very, very kind and nice, but also there’s this: I am stripped of my anonymity. I feel like I become a commodity, as odd as that may seem to you. I smile back and thank them, but it’s not me, it’s a scared person staying to say the right thing and trying to move on to somewhere where no one will touch or speak to me. It’s unfortunate, but that’s who I’ve become. And like all my emotional states, the come on stronger since my breakdown.

Paula, a friend from the Sunday dog walking group that I quit long ago, she was at the party without her partner Johnny, so we talked together for a long time. Paula is someone I love and feel very safe with, but it was hard speaking to her. I had a lot of head shaking, but she is all heart. I adore her, and I can tell that she likes me. She sought me out when she saw that I was leaving, gave me a hug, and said some very nice things about me and our friendship. And oh, that feels good! 

And now, the best thing about Friday. And … the best thing to happen this year. The best thing to happen in a long, long time.

Last night, I was on the chaise watching TV and Sheba, as usual, was on the floor staring at me because she wanted food. She drives me crazy. If you’ve ever seen sheep dogs work, you’ve seen them fixate on the herd. They never stop staring at the sheep. They have OCD, and Sheba is like that at night because I’m just sitting there begging to be manipulated.

I kept patting the chaise, encouraging to come up onto it with me, but no, she stayed on the floor and kept staring, I must have invited her ten times or more. Then, suddenly a seizure came on that was very different from any previous seizure I’ve had. I felt sadness, and my eye lids were fluttering up and down at a million miles per hour.

It ends very suddenly, as though a broken switch has been fixed. My lights come back on. But I’m not totally functional for a while. I need a bit of time to readjust to life, but as soon as I was ‘back’, I looked at Sheba. And Herself rose from the floor and put one arm over mine, and then she licked my hand as she looked at me. I reached out to her, and she got up on the chaise, and that fucking amazes me. She did that on her own. Can you imagine how I feel for her now?

What Sheba did made today one of the best days in years. But that happened after the group welcome and Paula. There are lucky days!

saturday

Today is, of course, sunny, so I will have to do watering today, and I plan to do some wood schlepping, moving bark that Grayson has piled tidily in two places of the yard to a permanent storage place. I’m relishing a day without anything at all on my schedule. However, today is the day that Dave and Ursula take the window that caps the roof of their yurt out of my studio—I’ve been storing it for them for the past year—and they install it. Andrew, the handsomest man in the world (tied with Grayson) is here to lead the crew in its installation. It’ll be exciting to watch and to see finished.

DIAGNOSIS!!!

Victory!!!!!

I had a fabulous Zoom call with Dr. Dorscheid yesterday. He looked at my heart tests and explained the results better than Dr. Chen did. He made it crystal clear to me, why my heart was dismissed as the cause of my breathing problems, and he said that the tests tell him my lungs are the problem as well.

I feel very relieved and exceptionally happy to have a diagnosis: pulmonary fibrosis (scarring). This is not unusual for someone who’s had asthma for 65 yrars. I’m starting a week’s course of prednisone (the same medication Sheba is on) and then I’m to write a report to him on how it affects me and my condition. Then we do the same thing again, two weeks later: second course of prednisone and a second report. And Dr. Dorscheid will be asking my medical insurer for permission to prescribe a biologic treatment plan that will last for the rest of my life. I’ll start on that protocol once the second prednisone treatment is over … if the insurers say yes.

“Biologic” medications are made from living animals, plants, or cells, instead of through a chemical process. The biologic medications currently used for asthma are antibodies, a kind of protein that occurs naturally in our bodies. For asthmatics, scientists have engineered a biologic medication to help shut down lung inflammation that leads to asthma attacks. I will get a shot once or twice a month, that is very expensive.

Now my anxiety is focused not on my lungs, but on the insurance agency. I’m scared, of course, that they will say no. But my friend, Angus, who has cystic fibrosis, gets a medication that is that is ten times more expensive. Initially, his insurer said no, but after a successful lobbying campaign, he is on the medication. I have hope.

I’m very happy that this medical quest that has been the focus of my existence for the past eleven months is finally over. And I’m relieved to have a treatment plan in place which I have faith! I guess I’ll know in a couple of weeks if my insurer has said yes. I have another appointment with Dr. Dorscheid coming up once the two sessions of prednisone are done.

Henri came yesterday for the last time. He did a lovely job of my front beds. I think I shall take over the gardening from here on, but I’ll get help from my friends and neighbours for the odd thing that might be too much for me. I might get another gardener. I want to see how I react to the prednisone and the biologic medication (if I get it) before I make more garden plans.

Today I must water and I’ve to make a large sheet cake for Pete and Ali. It’s Ali’s sixtieth birthday party and so they need a big cake because they’ve invited a lot of people. 

I've loved Mimisa since I lived in France!

Busy Times

 monday

Monday was the calm before the storm. I spent the day being careful not to do too much because today is going to be hard on me. I’ve to go to Nanaimo to fetch the gutters for the woodshed, then I get sushi for lunch (YAY!) before coming home, and tomorrow is a group dog walk that always tires me out, and then I have my appointment with Dr. Dorscheid.

But it was a beautiful day to nap in the sunshine, and to enjoy a long, leisurely spa. I am just so happy. I feel it all the time. The blossoms, the birdsong, the sunshine on my skin; everywhere I look I see something that thrills this man who kissed his Lilac tree because it has blooms for the first time.

When we went to walk the Elder Cedar trail, I hear shouts ahead of us and I didn’t like what I heard because for me, the Elder Cedar grove/park is a sanctuary. So, as I walked and heard more shrieks, I got into a rather foul frame of mind, but when I came upon the source, Olive, 11, and Oscar, 7, I was immediately smitten. We talked for about 5 minutes—their mom and grandma were there—and then Sheba and I went on our way.

I love kids. No matter what age, I love them (but not the rare nasty ones). Kids and animals, they’re the loveable ones. Oh, and speaking of loveable, Grayson is coming today. He’ll be putting up the gutters, and I’ll be quietly mentally rhapsodizing over his warm open personality and his magnificent frame. Yes, I’m writing to you form the shallow end.

As the day wound down, I was eager for dinner, a good movie and bed. I love going to bed. I’m a highly trained professional sleeper. I go right to sleep and then am dead until 5:00 am.

•

Pete and Ali are neighbours who have been exceptionally kind and generous with me. Pete reinforced the foundation of my deck and removed all the rotten parts and built some new parts. I gave them a dinner and three nights in a lodge on Quadra Island to thank them. We get along very, very comfortably. 

Two weeks ago, Pete asked me to make a cake for Ali’s birthday party that’s happening this Friday. I was more than willing to make a cake. I’m going to make it on Thursday. Last night, I got an email with instructions on accessing the property, the code for the gate, and parking instructions. 

It suddenly hit me, when I read the email, how many people are going, and it hit me: there’s no way that I’m going to this party. I’m going to make the cake on Thursday, and I’m going to give it to them Thursday night. And I’m going to tell them then, that I can’t go to the party. I can’t be with that many people. I can’t be with that many strangers.

•

I love having the spa again. I love being warm all over. I spent a lot of my time at the Tyrells sitting against the vent where the hot air heated the room. I particularly love it when it’s cool outside, so I like having a spa in the morning. Plus, it’s silent in the morning at six when the sun is coming up.

•

Yesterday afternoon when we were coming home from our Elder Cedar trail, when I turned into the driveway, I had a little emotional shiver. I see that view every time I come home, but yesterday it was like seeing it for the first time. It gives me chills to live in a log home. 

Don Tyrell and his friends built a cabin together on Hollyburn ridge. It was named Ski Heil. (Can you imagine that today?) Don left his photo albums from his youth and young adulthood in the bookshelves of our basement with books they’d inherited and never read. I loved looking at the photos. One was a diary with photos that he put together while he was recovering from a broken leg.

I reckon I liked the cabin photos so much for the same reason I liked the ‘fort’, a former chicken cook, in the playground across the street. They were safety houses to me. I always dreamed about them, and now I live in one, and last night, seeing it in Springtime with my plantings all around gave me a major thrill.

tuesday

Tuesday was a normal day for a normal person, but it was a spectacularly busy day for me because I spend so many days doing next to nothing.

Sheba and I boarded the 7:00 am ferry to go to Nanaimo. We went directly to Home Depot and picked up the gutters I bought. (I bought too many.) From there we went to Thrifty Foods for sushi to bring home for my lunch. But on the way home, we stopped at Life Labs, and I got my blood work done for Dr. Dorscheid. I am going back this morning for more tests, and henceforth I am going once a month.

It took forever at the lab, but once out, it was time to go to the vet’s to pick up more of Sheba’s prednisone. We start her on 10 mgs/day today and we watch for any signs of foot trouble. If there’s none, she’ll continue with 10 mgs indefinitely.

Then, finally, we were home for lunch. I fed the brood and then sat down to enjoy my delicious sushi lunch. Grayson arrived as I was about to start, and he got down to work right away. Just as I was beginning to worry about how much I’m spending on his services, I got my income tax return of $1,600. End of worry!

Grayson left at 4:30, and I got into the spa immediately. Oh, how good it felt to get into the wonderful hot water, rest my head on the edge and close my eyes. It was too busy a day for me. I had a dinner I bought at Thrifty Foods, flopped onto the chaise and watched things on YouTube in the evening.

The gardens are looking stunning. I’ve a couple of holes to fill—that’ll happen once things settle down—but the whole yard is looking great. I am, however, going to move the apple trees in the backyard, to the front yard where they will get far more sun.

I’m. still feeling very happy about everything, I’ve stuck to my no-sweets diet, and Grayson is making Pinecone Park look like a Provincial Park. I’m going to pay him to clean up the forest where we harvested the trees to thank the forest for my small fortune in wood for the next couple of winters.

wednesday

Another sunny day. We’ve had naught but sunshine for over two weeks. I’ll be watering today as there’s no rain in sight until next Monday. But the big event of the day will be Zooming with Dr. Dorscheid, my pulmonologist. But first, a dog walk, and another visit to Life Labs.

Voting Day

Sunday was lovely. Of course it was! It was My Day. We left Pinecone Park at 8:45 and got to the Community Hall just as the doors were opening for the advance polls. A friend, Christine, was in line behind me so we chatted the entire time, and once the voting was done, Sheba and I headed off to Drumbeg for our morning walk.

It was glorious at Drumbeg. There were a couple of people there, and everyone was chatty and happy because it was such a gorgeous morning. Birdsong filled the air, and wonderful fragrances thrilled me as we walked. Mornings are my favourite part of the day.

When we got home, I puttered away some time until it was lunchtime, and then I fed the brood. Once done, we were off to the nursery for some soil and peat moss to mix with some fertilizer, all of which I mixed together to nourish the two Clematis I planted to grow on the fence of the edible garden.

When that was done, it was time for our afternoon walk, this time under cloudy skies. We even had a couple of short light showers; I was grateful for the rain. And then the brood and I got comfortable in the living room. I lit a nice big fire because I’d not had a fire going all day, and we had a lovely cozy warm My Day evening together.

This morning has dawned bright and sunny. We’ll walk with our friends and then I will likely do some raking if it warms up. It’s a cool 7° this morning, but it will likely be warmer this afternoon when I want to work.

Tomorrow: Nanaimo. 

Wednesday: Dr. Dorscheid and a chat about my lungs.