Bomb in the Womb

Friday began with a mystery.

Peggy came by Thursday night to pick up my personal alarm speaker and the fob I wore around my neck, ending my relationship with LifeLine. Yesterday morning, I discovered that my landline was no longer working, so I spent the better part of an hour trying to figure out how to get it working. I had to move the fridge and my heavy bookcase as part of my effort to fix the phone, and that tired me out. And that involved a lot of pushing and pulling, so I was breathing like I’d run a marathon. The phone is now working.

Then came walking with our canine and human friends, but just before leaving, I got an email from STAMMA that thrilled me. I’m very concerned about the spread of AI generated voices answering phones of corporations, including hospitals and pharmacies. They trigger me and my speech gets very bad because I know I’m not talking to a person, and the voice keeps interrupting me to ask me the same question again that I am trying to answer.

STAMMA has asked me to write an article about my experience and concerns for their website and newsletter. I’m sure I’ll provoke quite a discussion, and I hope my issue becomes an advocacy initiative of STAMMA. I’m hoping to get the Canadian Stuttering Association to get active in the fight against AI voices with me.

Our walk was under grey skies, and it was only 14°; summer is definitely over. However, trail walking remains a wonderful way to start the day. It was great to hear Paula rave about the forest fragrances when she was here. That thrilled me. She noticed them right away. And on Thursday night as I soaked in the spa, I could smell the sea and being in water and smelling the sea was a bit of a thrill for this former sailor.

We had to go to the automotive shop to have my wheels torqued, and while I was there, I talked through my estimate of $4,200. Now I know that I can put off all of them except the tires and do the rest of the repairs over time. And they know that I’m going to Cedar Tires for the tires. I feel less economically beleaguered after talking with them. Nancy is training me on how to save money. She is a truly amazing resource of infor

Then we came home and I got busy watering. That was my only task of the day, and I didn’t mind doing it at all. The skies had cleared, and I knew that this might be the last time for a bit. Rain is due tonight, during the day tomorrow and again on Wednesday and Thursday. Phew!

My last duty of the day was walking Her Highness. We took a short walk in the 707 because we had a long walk in the morning and she was outside all day playing with Sosa and minding everyone’s business. And then we came home for our usual evening of movies and dinner, but first I had a spa.

But as we sat down, Nancy arrived. She was curious about my contact with Cedar Tires. It was Nancy, of course, who told me about going to Cedar Tires (CT) where they are cheaper than here, and there is no installation charge. CT wrote me to say that I should call to discuss my choices, but that is the kind of conversation that I don’t like to have on the Telephone Referral Service that I use. So, Nancy is calling for me to choose the tires and to know if they are in stock or if I must wait for them.

After dinner I decided to have a fire. It’s chilly in the house and I wanted cozy. And in the process of fetching the wood, I discovered a huge pile of bark that needs to be brought under cover before the rains come tomorrow. So … guess what I’ll be doing today.

That agenda for tomorrow made me happy that I’d lit the fire. I loved being warm in the house and having the magic atmosphere a fire brings to a room. I had a lot to be happy about: I was home with my pets around me, I had the fire, I had a nice dinner, and I didn’t eat all day except for one small, delicious apple off my tree in the backyard. They are tiny, but gorgeous.

I also did my homework for Dr. Shoja. Me, who thought psychiatrists were for weak people, will enter my tenth year of seeing her this Spring. I don’t use the chat function anymore. I decided months back, only to talk. Sometimes I’m silent for three or four minutes when we start, and my initial speech is very, very poor, it gets better after about ten minutes of speaking, and I become semi-fluent for the rest of the session.

Tomorrow: rain. Oh, yes please, yes please!

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Beth sent me this wonderful quotation written by Jeanette Winterson in her memoire, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? Ms. Winterson was adopted.

“Adopted children are self-invented because we have to be; there is an absence. A void, a question mark at the very beginning of our lives. A crucial part of our story is gone, and violently, like a bomb in the womb. The baby explodes into an unknown world that is only knowable through some kind of story—of course that is how we all live, it’s the narrative of our lives, but adoption drops you into the story after it has started. It’s like reading a book with the first few pages missing. It’s like arriving after curtain up. The feeling that something is missing never, ever leaves you—and it can’t, and it shouldn’t because something is missing.

The missing part, the missing past, can be an opening, not a void. It can be an entry as well as an exit. It is the fossil record, the imprint of another life, and although you can never have that life, your fingers trace the space where it might have been, and your fingers learn a kind of Braille.”

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This morning it looks like Winter outside. The clouds are sitting on the tree tops and it’s dark, dark, dark. But it’s supposed to be sunny later. I have a ton of bark to move today. That’s my only goal. And we’ll walk, but there’ll likely be no watering today. Tonight, it may rain, and the rain may return tomorrow.

Thank you for your kind comment, Linda's Lair, and welcome to my blog about my tiny life. Best wishes, Chris!

Saint Pancras Hotel, London.