Tough Session With Dr. S.

My session with Dr. Shoja was intense! But she said things that really helped me understand the process we are in. It was a particularly good session. Way back in time, I quit going to see her for a while. I thought that was the objective: to learn to function without help. But I was wrong. She wants to keep seeing me ‘forever,’ and I now understand the value of that.

She said that my mind locked my bad memories away. They were removed from my conscious memory to protect me as a child from despair. Now, she says, I am going through a process of integrating these sad memories into my consciousness, and it’s very painful. That word, ‘integration,’ immediately resonated with me, and that’s how it’s been through my years of working with Dr. S. (Whom I adore unconditionally.)

Singel words—anxiety, neglect, isolation—words that she uses, suddenly give me great understanding to complex concepts and explanations. Perhaps because I was a technical writer for decades, always wanting to use exactly the right word.

She also told me not to take Lorazepam when I have guests. It can have a reverse effect when taken for days in a row. So, it looks like will have to tough it out when I have guests. Seizures are the price I will have to pay for enjoyment of hosting friends at Pinecone Park.

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It was a beautiful sunny day, but we didn’t walk. Her foot is still aggravating her, so we just hung out in a large grassy field while the oil was changed in the car. I took a bone for her to chew on, and I took a book and a beach chair, and it was lovely, gentle, warm and slow, and when the car was done, we came home so that I could water the backyard plants.

I’ll water the front yard plants this morning before I leave for Nanaimo to get the x-ray of my foot. It’s going to be really hot again today. Our high will be in the low thirties. I’m going to Nanaimo early to avoid crowded ferries and to be on the road in the cool of morning. I’ll be home for the afternoon.

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Whoa, it’s going to rain next week. Hooray! Sadly, though, it’s when Paula is due to come and visit. But we have a plan for what to do if it rain was falling when she is here. Meanwhile, today is predicted to be hit again, so I am off to water the edible garden, trees and front beds before heading off to Nanaimo to get my foot x-rayed.