Dr. Chen Disappoints

We arose on Monday to overcast skies. Bright, brilliant sunshine and very warm temperatures for this time of year had been predicted, so I was a little miffed to be travelling under a dark and foreboding sky. But hey, important information, a burger and sushi bought for dinner lay ahead, and I had my Mick Herron book to read during ferry waits. And best of all, Sheba is close to back to normal, but I’ve still got socks on two feet.

Our meeting was a disaster. Dr. Chen said he sees nothing of concern in my tests (even though Stacy and Steve both thought I should have an angiogram based on what they saw in the test results). Instead, again he focused on my lungs as the probable cause of my breathing problem. He is, however, referring me to a cardiologist (which will take another couple of months waiting for an appointment).

He urged me to get in touch with Dr. Dorscheid, my pulmonologist, and ask for stress testing. I told him that I doubted that I could sustain a treadmill test. Besides, Dr. Dorscheid has already told me that he feels there is no possible reason that my lungs are the reason for my shortness of breath. I don’t feel comfortable going back to him. I’ll wait to see what the new cardiologist says. Then I might go back to my nurse practitioner to ask her what I might do.

I feel mighty sad. It’s a step backwards to square one, and not a step forward toward treatment, and now there’s to be more waiting. To live like this for the rest of my life will make living here more expensive as I pay for help. I’ve ordered three cords of wood. I’ll have to hire help to stack it for the first time since moving here. 

Yesterday afternoon and last night are a blur. I was a zombie, going through motions without engagement. I was a sad a lonely puppy, and it seems today won’t be much different. I’m still feeling my disappointment, but time will heal me. I’m still alive and still able to really enjoy life. However, I live with an awful lot of restrictions due to both my mental and physical health. Sigh.

The sun came out in the afternoon, so Sheba and I went to walk on the field surrounding the clinic and I ran into Tracy and Keith. They were neighbours whom I liked very much, but they moved to the south end of the island to get a place on the coast with a water view. Last Summer, Tracy felt very poorly, very suddenly and went to see her doctor. She was diagnosed with bone cancer, and it was all through her body. She’s been riding a roller coaster ever since, and this Friday, she goes to Vancouver for a bone marrow transplant. She’s in for a harrowing experience. As I said goodbye, I realized how mild my problem is and that will help me get on with things.

Now I wait to hear from the cardiologist. I will likely get my hopes up again and there’s a good chance my hopes will be dashed again. The search for a reason, for a diagnosis, will be ongoing for quite a while, I reckon.