Self Destruction

Well … all that need be said about yesterday was that I did my taxes and mailed them in, I also did my gasoline refund application and mailed it in. (I get a refund on my gasoline purchases thanks to the disability tax refund.)

We walked with our friends in the morning is mist, and then I had some time to chill and read a little before lunch. Then we all ate, and after eating I read two more chapters and then got to work on my taxes and gas refund. When I was done, we went into the village to go to the post office, after which we went for our afternoon walk in Rollo Park.

I Zoomed with Steve and gushed about the Oscar show, and Bruno came by to pick up my stovetop burner. I’m chuffed by all that I have accomplished of late, and today I expect to finish up my massive Spring-up. I also have a Zoom call this morning with Dr. Shoja. But if I clear out all that needs to go from the closets, I’ll be almost done and ready to call Gabe Disposal to come and take all the crap away. I want to go through the shed before I call them in case there are things in there that can go.

Once the garbage has been taken away, I’ll have a very spacious and largely empty studio in which I can comfortably store all my outdoor furniture during the Winter. And then, I’ll carry on. You should see my car! It’s disgustingly dirty inside and out. That’s a big job I’ll be doing when it is warmer and then garden works begins for the season.

Last night I woke up at 3:10, and the first thing that came to mind was that I forgot the cover letter that should have been in the envelope with my taxes. I shall see how I can get the letter to the right employee at the accounting firm that always does my taxes.

Next into my mind was concern about my behavior in the SPACE board meeting. I spoke up quite often, and I have a deep seeded fear that I said something that bothered Aidan. This could all be in my mind because I’m a recreational self-loather, but I have been very unhappy since Sunday. I’m glad I see Dr. Shoja today. That may help.

I reckon that seeing all the photos and souvenirs of my life is part of this current state of unhappiness. Seeing them and discarding them may be part of the reason that Mr. Perennially Happy is so gloomy right now. But the major driver of my slide is my relationship with SPACE. I want to quit. I want to run away from the problem, but I know that all this is in my mind. I don’t think the others in the meeting feel poorly about me. It’s just me.

I can’t wait until 11:00 when I see the good doctor. Oh, I’m hurtin’.