Buttons Arrive

I was fine, if a touch disappointed, to find myself totally locked in again yesterday, especially since I had my first appointment with Jess, the speech language therapist. On the one hand, I expected my locked-in state to return, but on Thursday, my third day in a row being able to speak, I’d started to hope that being non-verbal was over.

It was a lovely bright morning, if a bit cool, and walking with my friends in the forest was a delight. I will never tire of forest walking. I, of course, couldn’t talk with anyone, so I happily walked in silence and comfort listening to my friends, and then I rushed home to be here in time for my appointment with Jess. 

I had four seizures during our chat from trying to talk, using techniques that Jess was teaching me. I found myself wanting to escape, but I am going back for more. I want to keep trying, at least a couple more times; it’s $160/appointment and my insurance won’t cover any of it. I just hope that our next session falls on a day when I can speak.

When our session was over, I wanted peace after all the seizures. We had lunch and then I got on the couch with my book to read until it was time for our afternoon walk. I wanted to see no one and speak to no one. I just wanted to be alone and quiet. I felt like I’d been through the wars.

On the way to our walk, I stopped at my postal box and inside were my buttons!!! I was super happy to have them, I put one on right away, and I was less fearful of encountering people. Karen, at the vet’s where I went for Sheba’s prescription, noticed the button right away.

"Hi. I'm Chris and I'm non-verbal."

Our walk was wonderful. I walked slowly behind Her Highness, very, very happy to be in the forest. But at the same time, I felt lifeless, lethargic, depressed by being non-verbal again, and by the four seizures within an hour from trying to speak. Sigh.

I was glad, too, to get home again, and to be alone and to have no calls or anything to do all weekend. I see Dr. S. on Monday, and on Tuesday, Di arrives for two nights. But for now, 2.5 days of solitude. 

Today is the last cool day for quite a while, and I will have to start watering again. Starting tomorrow, our afternoon temperatures will be in the highest teens and there’s naught but sunshine in the forecast. I shall thoroughly enjoy doing yard work and reading outside, but what I’m really looking forward to is three days with Dianne starting on Tuesday.