I'm Glad I Don't Drink

We walked just as the rain stopped yesterday morning. Then, just as we were arriving back to our cars, it started raining. As we reached our cars the rain was getting heavier, and by the time I got home it was pouring down. But by 14:00, we were getting bright sunshine and so Her Highness and I went for our afternoon walk in lovely warm weather.

I stopped for mail on the way to our walk and got a present. My new VISA card had arrived, and it’s activated. I spent an hour updating all the websites where I have automatic payments. Finally, my financial life is back in order.

The time spent at home involved reading and napping. I rarely nap, but yesterday I was bagged and not only did I nap; I went to bed to do it. I had a brutal time speaking with Kelly on Tuesday evening. I kept tensing up in my neck and face and I couldn’t get words out. That’s why I was keen to let myself sleep yesterday afternoon. I wanted to build up my ‘reserves.’

Last night I watched Fackham Hall. I’d been looking forward to it since I watched a trailer for it a month ago. It’s a UK production with lots of actors I often see in film and television, and the production values were dazzling. It was billed as a send up of Downton Abby. I could hardly wait.

It was dreadful. I watched it through to the end because the young and terribly handsome male lead held my interest, and because I paid to watch it. It was embarrassing to see so much money spent on drivel. Nothing made me laugh. I was very disappointed.

I’ve often mentioned that Fred is a talker. He is very vocal and there are many different sounds in his vocabulary. Every morning, he wants to talk. He meows, and if I answer he meows back. And we can go on for several minutes. Recently he began meowing in his sleep. He makes a new sound, just once, every fifteen minutes or so.  

He’s veery thin and I am worried about him. He eats often because I am feeding him more, and in every other way, he seems fine. As I petted him last night, and felt the love in me for him so, so strongly, I realized that being scammed is nothing compared to losing a pet. I think I am moving on.

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I wondered why I didn’t like alcohol all my life. I tried it but I never liked it. Now I think I know why, and there are two reasons. A couple of years ago I read a story about sensory distribution of the tongue on a medical blog I often visited. I learned there that we all have different patterns of sensory receptors for each of the tastes. And the distribution is not even. One taste can dominate the surface of our tongues. That may why I am extremely fond of sweet, and averse to savory.

The other answer to why I don’t like alcohol came from talking with Dr. Shoja. I had a fellow move quickly and suddenly into my life about 15 years ago. He was young, fit, and very handsome. I met him because he took my friend Paula out on a date.  

Paula met this fellow through a friend, Mike, who was also a friend of mine. She asked me to call Mike to ask him about Rob because she knew nothing about him and she thought Mike would be more frank with me. I called Mike and I asked him about Rob, and before I could ask the question, he began apologizing for giving Rob Paula’s contact information.

Mike said Rob was a notorious womanizer. That’s all Mike talked about because he felt that he should have known better than to give Paula’s number to Rob. He was trying to be helpful and I understood that. Paula wanted a partner. We both knew that. But the date didn’t go well, and so Rob came to my door direct from Paula’s. (Paula was my neighbour.) That’s when he told me what he wanted: a friendship with benefits.

Although Rob wanted to touch me, and I wanted to be touched and touch him, I was wary. He identified as straight as far as I could tell, and women loved him, I saw that wherever we went. But I could not relax about sexual contact with a straight man, so one night when he arrived with a bottle of tequila, several limes, and a 1.5 ounce shot glass, I drank seven shots of tequila, one right after the other and waited.

I felt nothing, absolutely nothing. He was the man of my dreams, but I felt blocked, and the alcohol didn’t work. It didn’t loosen me up. I betrayed no signs of being drunk.

I told all this to Dr. S. and we talked, but I also told her my best guess about why I didn’t get drunk. First, I told her that if I drank two inches of wine from the glass, when I was at a dinner party with friends, I would get happy/sloppy. I knew I could be drunk, but not with Rob and I told that to Dr. S. My best guess was that I didn’t want to lose control, and Dr. S. agreed. 

I thought about all this because it occurred to me a few days back, that I was very happy that fate made me want an alcohol-fee life. I smoked dope instead. I became addicted until my breakdown. Then my days of smoking dope were over. I take marijuana capsules periodically. Like when I get scammed for four grand. And this change is due to my breakdown.

I was 68 years old when I had my breakdown. The physical one. But when Dr. S. said that my breakdown happened because I was a “neglected child,” those words shattered me. I remember writing on this blog long ago that “She was re-writing my life story.” Those words will never stop being a source of sorrow.

It amazes me that I have often said that the best thing I learned while at university was a self-help game. I won’t go into details of how it worked, I’ve written about it before. But it taught me how to understand myself by having a conversation with myself when I was seeking clarity on why I was doing something or feeling something that concerned me. 

And now, for almost twenty years, I’m still doing the same thing, but now Dr. S. is the other half of the conversation.

Delicious Dinner

 My bank account was frozen on Dec. 28^th. Today, nine days later, I could withdraw funds from my account for the first time since my account was frozen. Now all I need is a VISA card. That will not likely arrive until next week, but I shall hope to see it in my mailbox this week. Sometimes miracles happen.

As the fay progressed, the weather improved. It was windy and raining hard when I got up, but by 10:00 it had stopped, so we went for our first walk of the day. It was a balmy 7°, and in my new Winter coat, I was very comfortable. I loved our walk. I loved being outside and not cold.

When we got home, I killed time waiting to talk to Issam and get my debit card working. He set me up with a temporary password for my card, and once saying goodbye, Sheba and I went into the village where there is a Coast Capital Savings Credit Union. Their cash machine works for Vanity debit cards, and I was able to change my password. 

Next, we went to Nester’s to use the card. It worked and now it can be tapped. I’m very happy to have access to my money again. I watched an episode of Grand Designs as the day continued to get brighter and warmer, and then we went for our second walk of the day. We went to the 707 and enjoyed a lovely long walk in glorious sunshine before coming home.

I fed everyone and gave Sheba a treat to chew on, and I went to The Surf to meet Kelly for dinner. And yum! They had Saltspring Island mussels and so that’s what I ordered. They were huge and delicious. And then, after dinner and with barely any gas in the car, I went to the village gas station and filled up. Phew!

I got back home shortly after 20:00, so I watched a bit of television while I enjoyed the love and attention of all my friends who missed me while I was away. Poor Freddy is very thin, so I am feeding him a lot of wet food, hoping to fatten him up. Epileptic Ethel is fine and looking good, except she licks the hair off her tummy because of her allergies.

And then I did what I do best: sleep. I love going to bed. I love the warmth and coziness of my heavy covers, and I love even more the feel of Sheba at my back as I go to sleep.

We will walk with our friends this morning, and the rest of the day will likely be reading. We have a wet, warm week ahead. All my Fuchsias are still blooming, as are my Butterbur and Hellebores.

It's Bank Card Activation Day

Monday was a lovely sunny day all day long, but it was, of course, cool. The sky cleared early Sunday night and so everything cooled off quickly. There was, however, a full moon and that always makes for a beautiful night. The forest looks stunningly beautiful in moonlight.

We walked with our friends. We took a long walk to take advantage of the fine weather, and when we came home. I idled around the house until it was lunchtime and then I fed everyone. After lunch, I made bread, and while it went through its first rest and rise, Sheba and I went for a short walk in the sunshine.

I’ve made bread following several different recipes and treatments that I’ve found on YouTube, but yesterday I decided to make bread my own way. I have been disappointed the past couple of times with the rise of my bread, so yesterday I did much less kneading than the recipes suggest and I was chuffed with the result. Plus, I added boiling water into the oven, and I brushed the tops of each loaf with butter to get more browning of the crust.

Within five minutes of putting the bread in the oven. I was thrilled with the rise and the quick browning. In fact, I was worried the crust might burn. Both loaves had a beautiful fluffy dome. They had risen beautifully, but when I had a piece, nice and warm out of the oven, I realized I forgot the salt. Pooey! Still, it’s delicious to eat.

The evening was the usual. 

Today has dawned wet and windy. It’s a classic Winter day; it will keep our walks short and our fire high. However, I have two things to look forward to today: talking to Issam at noon and having dinner at The Surf with Kelly. Issam is my bank manager, and he is going to activate my new debit card today so that finally I can withdraw cash from my bank account.

Julien, Sorin and Marleen Depart

My Day (yesterday) began with a surprise: It was lovely and mild outside. We were enjoying what once was called a “Pineapple Express,” a warm wind blowing from the southwest in the Pacific, originating near Hawaii. I was happy to know that our walks yesterday would be comfortable.

I was up just before 5:00 am to do all the dishes and to light a nice big fire to warm the house for Sorin and his parents. They left here at 9:30 to catch the 9:55 ferry. I was glad that the morning was mild and the sky was brightening for their drive to Tofino. Soren does not like being restrained, so he hates the car seat. They texted me to say that they’d arrived and settled into Julien’s aunt’s house, and they were eating some of my blueberry tart.

I’m very proud of the tart. I’m over-the-moon chuffed that it was the second tart—and these are LARGE tarts—made from my own crop of berries. Moving here has made me a man of the land. I husband my flora family every day that is not a rainy day, and in the Winter, I bake and cook. It’s a perfect world.

Yesterday afternoon was sunny, but I was on the chaise recovering from two days of heavy lifting. But, oh it was fun to have a baby around. He does not stop moving. He is going to be a force to reckon with I’ll betcha. But he is also adorable. He is shockingly easy. He might have cried twice, both for only a very short time. To be held, is to be restrained, so he doesn’t cuddle. He wants to move around on the floor and make noises. He was so much fun to be with.

Eoin wrote in the morning inviting me to meet him at Elder Cedar to dog walk together at 15:00. The trail was busy, and one very large group of people with warm tropical accents who were so generously warm with us as we passed them. It was moving to feel such warmth and goodwill so powerfully and from strangers. 

It wasn’t too long after getting home that I was serving dinner to everyone who eats on the floor or counter. And soon thereafter, I was on the chaise, in the evening position, always with the left foot dangling off the end or the side. 

Resting before dinner, I felt strong emotions for Julie, and his family. Marleen overwhelms me. I feel like I am in the presence of a no-make up supermodel, who is such a wonderful experience to be with. I felt blessed by their visit.

But I’m sure glad it was short. I fell asleep watching television in the evening. But I stayed awake through a very lovely film called Young Hearts. The happy ending is far too happy—so happy, it made me wonder if it was a gay propaganda film without text. However, the entire movie is saved by the performance of the young protagonist. He is riveting. It’s one of the finest, most honest performances I’ve seen in a movie. He’s a prodigy. 

Spoiler alert: I’m gay, and this is a film about a young gay boy coming out. I got right into it, and to his performance. There was a lot to like in the directing and writing as well as the acting. And then suddenly, everything goes into hyper-speed and then its’ over. The ending is a train wreck of clichés of positivity. But Lou Goossen is a Belgian actor. His performance as Elias is worth every second of the entire film. 

Today, we’ll walk with our friends and their dogs, and then I’ll fritter away the balance of the day. We’ll do a second walk, of course, but there’s nothing pressing on my agenda. I’m keen for tomorrow to arrive because I’ll be talking to Issam and he’ll be activating my new debit card, so I’ll be able to pay for things like gasoline and food.

Yesterday, for the first time in almost a month, I wore a sock on my right foot—the one the wood fell on. That was a mistake. I’d been living without a bandage on the wound for several days. I wanted it to get fresh air, and it worked. The wound quickly dried and looked much better. Plus, all the swelling went down. But it was too soon for the sock. When I undressed for bed last night, my sock was stuck to the wound. It’s still oozing fluid. Perhaps it’s my age or my meds that make it take forever for a wound to heal.

My angst about the scam is over. It’s history to me now, thank goodness. Late this week, if I am lucky, or next week, my VISA will arrive and then I’ll be able to restore all my automatic payments. I can hardly wait to be fiscally back to normal.

Feels like Spring. I can hardly wait!