Will My Speech Return?

The large Sunday morning dog walk was a great one. Everyone and all the dogs were in a great mood because it was so bright and sunny. But it wasn’t exactly warm—as we left to walk it was only 12°. As I walked, I looked forward to coming home to do yard work and being outdoors with Sheba.

I’ve entered the hell of “what if this doesn’t get better?” It happens with every relapse in my speech. My last relapse was over a year ago. I can say words. I can even say a sentence if you’ve got a few minutes. I feel it’s inappropriate to speak right now, except to say just a few words. I don’t feel good about speaking. I’m a downer. I shut down the rhythms of normal conversation. Everyone is respectful and kind to me. It’s me that wants to be silent and just listen.

I need help with phone calls. I have to always have a pen and writing pad with me. I have a meeting on Wednesday with a rather challenging agenda. I’ve put a ton of work into the development of the agenda, applying for a grant, reserving the community hall, etc. So, Jay is going to chair the meeting for me. He’s coming over for a briefing.

Today, Her Highness and I are off to Nanaimo, quick stop at the clinic there, then off to two nurseries and a Japanese restaurant. Then I get to plant all the plants that I’ve assembled for the densification of the gardens. I love the work. I just love making Pinecone Park look good. The big challenge is the Fern Garden. It’s a bitch to clean up.

I feel energized this year. I want to make the gardens really look good because the lawns are seriously sub-par. I don’t care anymore. I’m going natural on the land, and overboard on the gardens. The former Wasteland is now raw. The lawn did not come back. It’s currently abloom in toadstools. If I was younger, I’d be building a chicken coop on the Wasteland. Instead, it remains the Wasteland. 

It's nice and private in the park right now. Colleen and Jorge move in at the beginning of July. Their house overlooks our friendship gate and right into the park. But they’re nice people, so all is good. I loved having Merrill and Leo next door, so I’ve an open mind and heart.

Monet's kitchen.