Conversations 👎

You must see one in person to appreciate just how magnificent this bird is. It’s a Western Tanager and the colours are a bright as the sun. It’s been an exciting Spring so far, seeing Evening Grosbeaks and Western Tanagers often. And of course there are the Flickers, Pileated Woodpeckers, and all the other usual miracles visiting Pinecone Parks feeders, baths and fountains. 

I went to fitness yesterday. I was excited to be back and having been away for a while, I had lots of energy. I was really into it, and everything went well for the initial 45 minutes, but then I had a pretty powerful seizure. I rested for a while afterwards, and then went back to gently exercising, but I had another seizure, and the second one was bad, so I sat out the rest of the class. I was not functioning normally.

However, when I got home, a warm and wonderful welcome from Her Highness returned me to feeling good about life … almost. I was a walking zombie for the rest of the day. I didn’t have the focus to read, so I napped a lot and had a long spa, napping there as well. It wasn’t till dinner time that I felt human again. 

We had lunch, and then Ron came to walk Her Highness. I could barely talk to him. I was still a zombie. I moved slow when I wasn’t soaking or sleeping. Both Dwight and Steve FaceTimed me. It was extremely challenging to speak with them, but I thanked them for their habit of calling regularly and doing all the talking. I let them both know how much their calls and their patience mean to me. I also called the pharmacy using the Telus Relay Service. What an incredible asset that service is for me!

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Being mute is terribly isolating. I function with my Boogie Board, gesture and the odd single word. But there’s no more of a part of living I loved—vivid conversations. My friend David van Berckel was a particularly delightful to conversational partner. He had a crisp mind and from nothing, he built himself a mini commercial empire. We shared years of conversation over the run of our friendship.

And Karen. A conversation amongst us thespians would be bubbling along, and suddenly I’d hear, “That’s not right. That’s not ….” And away she’d go. She was a lawyer. She passed away a few years ago and I miss her deeply. She and her husband, Robert, once worked for me. We’ve been friends since the 1970s. What a loved about Karen, was she was an effective debater. (And I was in the debate team of my high school.) The thing about Karen, with us, was she would argue things, but she was smiling with genuine warmth through the exercise of proving something was incorrect. It was thrilling to be in her company.

Beth, Bruce, Dwight, John and Bunny, Dianne and her posse, we all talk comfortably together. But what made my conversations with David so valuable came from his knowledge and experience. We often talked about ethics and faith, and I’ve always loved insightful discussion of those issues. And Karen knew law. That made her a very interesting conversationalist. Plus, she was just captivating to watch and to hear. I could see her in court as she did her thing.

I’m stuck with phrases and short sentences with friends, otherwise I am mute, and I have no right to believe I will get better. It’s been a slow decline since the onset of speech problems. That’s a span of 8 years. Discussion like I once had, are over. This blog is where I have my conversations.

Sheba and I are going to visit friends—Dianne, Jane, Dana, and hopefully Dianne’s daughter Ashlee and her man, Alex. Alex and Ashlee became engaged last week in Venice—on the coast of the big island where Dianne rents a cabin every Summer. I’m inclined to get the little computer with the keyboard back from CAYA, for backup.

I’m scared that I’m going to lose my voice with friends. It’s a valid concern; I am not an alarmist. Thankfully, I have devices and devoted friends. That keeps me calm. Still, I worry, and the minute it comes up in my mind, I ricochet away from the thought for fear that might somehow make things worse. Time will tell. There’s naught I can do. I am ‘rolling with it’ to see what happens.

There’s a plus side. I won’t have as many physical symptoms, if any. It’s speaking that brings on the firestorm of jerks, twists, bobs and so on. When I speak, it can be quite physical with some people, and not with others. I’ll still have seizures, otherwise, I will present as a ‘normal’ person who cannot speak. When I speak, I see the daughter of Connie Tyrell’s friend. The daughter had CP. I feel I’m her when I’m talking when my physical symptoms kick in, and I feel embarrassed about my condition.

I see Dr. Shoja in two weeks. I’m eager to hear all she has to say and propose.

And to close with a laugh…. Fecal Marjorie Taylor Green went to the beach and people there spelled out what they thought of her. Loath the human garbage; love those spellers!