SHUT UP POPE!

Thank God for my fireplace. On days like yesterday, so dark and damp, I am so glad to have the fireplace and books to read. Thankfully, I wasn’t dreading going to fitness yesterday morning. I went and, as I always do, I felt very good about having taken up this challenge of getting into better shape. But what I love most, is getting into my car at the end of the class, knowing that I have the rest of the day to do as I please—with Fred, Ethel and Sheba.

All went well at the class except just past ½ way through, I had a seizure and I had trouble getting out of it. With great difficulty, I tried to finish and then to speak to Rhonda about me having a way to signal for help. It ain’t gunna be easy because I don’t have control of my arms and hands. I think I may take a piece of ribbon in hopes of being able to wave it if I need help. When I left the hall, I was having trouble walking and when I got to the car, it took about 2 minutes for me to be able to open the door.

We went into the village after lunch, and I read for the rest of the afternoon until it was time to go for a long afternoon walk. Then dinner. And then TV. I’m watching Ripley. I watched the first episode and didn’t feel interested in continuing. Now, 10 days later, I am engaged—particularly with the black and white format. There’s one scene that opens and Ripley is standing before an enormously long and beautiful stairway of marble steps that go almost to infinity. The light shines on the flat worn surface of the stairs, and the shadow of the vertical surface shows deep black in the shot. It’s a stunning set piece. Then Ripley walks up the stairs and his shadow moves across the zebra surface of the stairway. It’s stunningly beautiful. The whole film is beautiful.

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I’m glad I’m getting the gas discount, presuming I do. I definitely qualify, and I was told of this support by an auto insurance agent. I wasn’t looking for ways to profit from my disability. I felt uncomfortable about it, but I very definitely qualify.

When I was a young man and out, at various times, men would approach me. I never once, every in my life, approached anyone. I have never felt confident enough to do so. And if a man asked me to go to his place, I would instantly become very uncomfortable. And this was unfortunate because I didn’t want to bring a stranger into my home. I did a couple of times with men I really felt safe with. 

I would fast-start our relationship, no matter how the relationship was to play out, by revealing my history with a violent sexual experience (in France). And I told them this to explain that I would need to have a drink together somewhere so that I could feel safe going to his place. And then whatever was going to happen, happened.

I was too shy about my phobia to say outright: I can only go to a person’s home if it has two unlocked exit doors, and in the same way, I have always been anxious in busses and subway vehicles because I cannot ask the driver to stop because I’m afraid. I must wait to the next stop, get off, and get the next bus. It’s the same on the subway, but on the subway, I just change cars. That was me before my breakdown, now it’s a hundred times worse. And if I have a seizure, I can miss several stops and must catch a bus or train back.

That’s why I bought a car, and that’s why I qualify for this assistance program. They will refund my gas expenses for every receipt I have for the past 6.5 years. I’m passing on that. But soon, I will be saving all my receipts and using them to get a 25% refund, plus a refund on my insurance at the same rate. I am eligible for the mental health rate reduction.

There’s one reason this makes me happy: I’m going to stop bitchin’ (jokingly) about the cost of food with the clerks at Nester’s.

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What’s worse: what the pope says, or the media reporting on what he says?  I want to scream SHUT UP POPE! every time another moral judgement by the pope is in the media. Oh, and STOP SHUFFLING PEDOPHILES. The Catholic Church is in no position to judge others; their integrity is long gone. He’s come out against gender affirming surgery.

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It’s a stunning day. I’m going to the dentist for a cleaning and then I’ll be busy in the garden, and I may take a break to. Just chill in the sunshine. There ain’t a cloud in the sky! 

Monetizing My Disability Again

Well, I’m doing it again. I’m monetizing my disability.

Thanks to the clerk at the insurance agency here on Gabriola, I am applying for the Disability Tax Refund Program. The clerk and I read about the program together and I see myself as eligible according to the eligibility criteria. I have written to Dr. Shoja to ask for her help with the application. I need her to attest to the truth of my eligibility.

By the end of next week, I expect to have my application completed and submitted. If I am accepted, and I believe I will be, I will get a permanent 25% discount on my annual car insurance, and a 25% discount on all my fuel purchases, and I am eligible for a refund on the past 7 years of my gas purchases. 

To be honest, I feel rather creepy about applying, but I bought my first car after over a decade of not driving, because using the bus or Skytrain brought on seizures every time. Using public transit is anathema to me, and so I felt I had to buy the car to get back and forth to Dr. Shoja during the Winter. All Summer, I would walk to and from my appointments. And that’s one eligibility criteria: a mental health issue that keeps a person from using public transit.

So why not apply? That’s what I figure. It’ll save me money and I appear to be eligible. 

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little news: I found a tick on Sheba. It’s the first one I’ve ever found on her. 

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On Saturday, I went for our walk, then went to the car insurance agency (hence the news, above), picked up a few things from Nester’s, and then came home to make the galette for the gang working at Dave and Ursula’s. It looked good. I made salted caramel sauce, and took the pastry, sauce and a brick of vanilla ice cream next door. It was warmly received. Just as it started to get dark Saturday night, Ursula returned my plate. Not only that! I lent her and her men (Andew the builder, their son, Will, and Dave) my two board games. She was very grateful for them.

Sunday, I decided to skip the big Sunday dog walk. It’s become too big and noisy and it often causes me to seize, so Her Highness and I walked together on a path we both like, and then I came home to make a galette for Ron and Nancy. Ron loves to walk Sheba and late last week, they had to put down their dog. They’ve had 2 dogs since I met them, and now both are gone. They are truly lovely people, and so I felt good visiting them after their loss, and Nancy loves sweets, so my caramel covered apple galette was just the thing to lift her spirits.

Yesterday afternoon, I went over to Pete and Ali’s to fetch the plants that he picked up for me in a Duncan nursery. He got me 2 lovely looking Celemaits plants, and 4 Goat’s Beard plants that do well in shade.

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I had a lovely chat with Bruce—he in his room in Florence, me here—and this morning, I got a lovely long email about his trip. It’s the fourth missive about his trip that he’s sent. I am grateful to him for giving me a travel experience from home. Same for Beth. She’s blogging almost every day from Paris/Amsterdam, keeping us, her fans and friends, abreast of all she does while she’s away.

It's a dull, dull and damp day. I’m going to fitness this morning and then coming home to putter and read. Every day this week is likely to pass as does today. Come Friday, we’re expecting sunshine and warmer weather—but not the 27° temperatures Bruce is enjoying in Florence.

High on Joy

I was high all day yesterday—high on joy. 

I arose to a sky full of stars. I fed my short friends, and did domestic things until 8:00, when Sheba and I went for a walk on the trails and although it was cool (6°), it was thrilling because I knew we were in for a spectacular day. Our trail walk was uneventful for me, The Royal Nose, however, was kept mighty busy along the way.

Then came fitness. The love was back. I had a great, great time, and I keep noticing rewards. I have better balance, I’m making progress with sit ups, and my posture is better. I had a fun time, whereas last time I was watching the clock constantly, praying for the class to end. And the drive home was fabulous. There was the blazing sunshine, but also I had the knowledge that for the rest of my day, I could do as I pleased. I passed sea views, farms filled with animals, fields of snow geese, and my favourite part: driving through the forest on an unpaved road.

We went into the village for supplies. This morning, I’m going to make a galette for Dave and Ursula, their son and Andrew the builder to share. On the way home, I bought some flowers that I’ll plant today or tomorrow. I’m addicted to gardening. 

After lunch, I went over to see their work and I asked lots of questions and they gave me wonderful answers. Dave is learning from Andrew; they are building under David’s direction. David earned the right to build his own home by taking a course, and my questions allowed him to share things he’d learned. I could tell he loved answering me. I’m going to take treats to them periodically as my way of being part of their extraordinary project.

I love Dave. He seems unable to talk without smiling and laughing. He’s open, warm and always welcoming. I feel very lucky to know him and Ursula. We get along very well, so I hope we share many meals as they move through the project. 

Then I went down to Pete’s and when I opened the front door, Pete said: “Perfect timing!” He was just completing the grouting around new backsplash tiling in their kitchen, and he wanted my help to move the fridge back into place. The highlight of the visit was Pete getting frustrated because he couldn’t find a little clamp that held the wiring of an appliance. I asked him what he was looking for and he dismissed me, saying what he was seeking was tiny and that I’d never find it.

He was getting really frustrated and so I told him I was in no hurry and not to sweat on my account. Again, I asked him, “What are you looking for?” And that’s when he told me it was a small ‘thing’ that held the wire of a phone charger that would sit on the counter beside the fridge, and right beside me, in plain view, was the thing he wanted. It was three inches from my right hand. We had a good laugh.

Then I came home and had a spa in the sunshine. It was 12° and I just loved being alive with Sheba, who was having a yipping and jerking session in her dream state. She was on the deck beside me. We both get the shakes. Once I was dried and dressed, we went for out afternoon walk. Shortly after we set off, we met Sandy and her dog Murphy. He’s and Airedale. I’ve always loved the big Airedales, but Murph is the first one I’ve been able to interact with. It was love at first sight for me. Murph was indifferent, but as soon as I saw them, quite far in the distance, I called to him, and he came running. We have mutual love now.

And then it was home to feed the critters. After that, and before I made my dinner, I searched Britbox for something to watch. Britbox has been a rich resource for me. I only subscribe to these streaming services for a month. Next, I may do Paramount because I want to see A Gentleman in Moscow.

It was a full day, a wonderful day, and I wasn’t tired as I sat down to write this post with bright golden light casting gorgeous shadows on my window and the walls. And my fruit tree, in full bloom right now, just glows with vibrant pink in the light. 

I feel so, so good. I am blissfully content here, especially now as everything is turning green. This is when all the green is pure. There are no insect bites yet, no browning, no bird shit, no dead blossoms—nothing. Everything is rich and perfect, and they all say to me: the best is yet to come. Spring is a drug.

I am extremely happy with my design for the backyard. The greenery between almost all the paving stones in the courtyard is natural and lovely. I trim it with my weed wacker, to keep it low, but it’s all natural. And—miracle of miracles—there are two beautiful mats of creeping thyme that self-seeded. And now, the base of the fountain is dense with ivy, and it spreads, just lightly, over the courtyard. Things look established. You always think of gardens needing soil, water and sunlight. They also need time.

I did my usual walkabout last night. Here are some photos. 

Pollen.

More pollen.

In places, it is quite thick.

Some new plants.

The aforementioned fountain and trellis.

My flowering cherry tree.

Dave and Ursula.s foundation, as seen from my backyard.

The backyard with its natural surface where there once was lawn.
I'm happy to let it be natural, but it won't be green for long. In
summer it is a dust field, except for the gardens.

Pollen on the front porch

It's fucking everywhere!

The front yard is also natural now. It too, will soon be brown.

My gorgeous red Rhodo!

My favourite place where I can read, watch the passers by and
watch television in the evenings.

My other favourite place.

Life is Dull & That's a Good Thing!

I didn’t blog yesterday because there was nothing to report, and that sense of ‘nothing going on’ was heightened by reading Beth’s blog and Bruce’s emails. Both my friends are vacationing in Europe, doing, seeing and eating very appealing things. After surrogate travelling with them, my life seemed particularly dull.

Yesterday was just as dull. It’s been too cold for me to enjoy working outside for any length of time in the mornings, but the afternoons are warmer and bright and sunny. I’ve to go to fitness this morning, but later, I’ve plants to plant and there’s lots to do cleaning the surface of the gardens. Plus, I’ve still got considerable forest fall to remove in one part of the backyard.

Andrew and Dave got started on their massive job of building Dave and Ursula’s yurt yesterday. Their first task is building the floor on top of the foundation. Once that’s done, the kit will arrive—the kit being a monstrous package containing everything required to build the yurt. I really enjoy watching the progress. Dave and Andrew welcome myvisits.

It’s really a beautiful day today. I may take some time to read in the sunshine for a break from working on the yard and gardens today because the coming days may be wet before the sunshine returns. I’ll go past Pete’s today to give him a list of things to buy for me at the nursery he’s visiting tomorrow.

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Although my life is profoundly routine and dull, I continue to feel that I’m as happy as I could possibly be. I don’t miss the city or travel; I’m very, very content with my dull life. With so much time alone, I rarely have a seizure now, and I’m barely aware of my speech problems because I am fluent with Fred, Ethel and Sheba.

Life is good!

 Hair Ice. We see it here often and everywhere.