Angus!

Yesterday, like today, was cloudy, gloomy, damp and cool, but without rain. This may be our driest February ever. I lazed about, but in the afternoon I visited Anna to see her grandson, Angus, and his sister Lilly.

Angus is almost nine years old and he has walked with our dog walkers often. We all adore him. He is absolutely adorable and I love him completely. As I was about to leave, I said, “ I hope you’ll come on more dog walks with us soon, it’s been a long time since you joined us. Do you know why I hope you come?”

“Because you like me?”

“That’s absolutely right! And do you know why I like you?”

“Because I’m a good boy?”

“Yes, that’s right too, but also because you are kind and loving and wonderful.”

And I left feeling very good that I’d made this young man I love so much say out loud that I liked him. 

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I’m uncomfortable with what’s going on with the pipeline protests and how we are treating the Wet'suwet'en people and their supporters. 

For one thing, I have great respect for protest—especially peaceful protest. For another, the Wet'suwet'en people live on land taken from then without any compensation or treaty. BC is unique in Canada for having vast tracts of land expropriated without a treaty. Also, people have very strong opinions on this issue (and many others) without much knowledge or historical perspective, it seems to me.

It irritates me that we, who have all the power, talk and nod affirmatively about reconciliation and thank our forbearers in advance of so many public events. We take pride in participating in acts of “reconciliation,” but when push comes to shove, when reconciliation threatens our prosperity or comfort, we balk. I fear history is repeating itself in our conduct with these Elders who were our land’s first citizens and careful protectors. The First Nations people have no power. We must recognize that. Protest is their only hope and has a strong and proud tradition.

It’s a very difficult decision for our government because our citizens are intolerant and many of us are ignorant. What can they do? I sympathize with Trudeau and his government being is such a difficult political place at the moment. Great leaders do what’s right, but they often consequently lose power, only to have their opposition overturn what is right. Witness Donald Trump!

I side with the Wet'suwet'en people because I am against the pipeline, especially coming from a government that talks so much about reconciliation and carbon neutrality. But what a mess we’re in.

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The spring equinox will occur on March 19 this year. It's the earliest Spring equinox in the Northern Hemisphere in 124 years. Yay!

More Treatment

I slept poorly Sunday night and woke up early to get ready for my trip to Nanaimo. I got to the ferry line up just past seven-thirty am, parked the car and took Sheba for a long walk. It was slightly cloudy but bright and warm-ish. I got back from the walk just in time to get back into the car and board the ferry.

It was a short ride to the mental health clinic where I filled in a form and waited for my interview. Noelle was the psychologist who assessed me and I passed or failed, depending on how you look at it: I was deemed severely impaired enough to be enrolled in the MMM group starting at the end of March.

MMM stands for mediation, movement and mindfulness; it’s a course designed to teach me techniques to calm my soul in advance of doing anything that causes my anxiety to skyrocket (as it did for the assessment; I could hardly speak to Noelle). I’ll be part of a small group that meets weekly for two months; free trips to Nanaimo are mine for the Mondays of April and May.

I’ve a plan to have adventures after some of my sessions but today’s assessment was only half an hour, followed by a walk with Bev and Sheba and then lunch with Bev, and I came home absolutely wasted. My body hurt I was so tired, so my plans for adventures are being re-evaluated as I type.

I thought I was cured of my symptoms a few weeks ago, and I am at home where it is quiet, predictable, familiar and calm—and where only friends visit. But when I venture off the island, my fluency disappears. I speak with great difficulty and it exhausts me. I’ve no idea why speaking is so tiring; it must take a lot of effort.

The MMM program sounds challenging but worthwhile. Noelle says it’s important to push myself beyond my “comfort zone;” this program is certain to do that. The movement part appears to be only half an hour; the rest of the time involves speaking so that is going to be my weekly challenge.

to Nanaimo

The dog walk Sunday morning was very good for me. It helped clear my drug-idled brain. The double dose of HIV drugs had fried my poor cerebellum during my Saturday evening sleep. But whereas the cloud in my brain was dreadful, the clouds overnight made the morning warm and the cleared bright morning sky made the droplets of moisture on the leaves and needles twinkling laser beams. Plus, I walked knowing I’d be coming home to a spa and then just taking it easy for the remainder of the day.

It’s wonderfully satisfying to be able to move around my home and yard and only see a million things that need to be done. Instead, I’m taking pride again in Pinecone Park. The gardens need attending and I’ve more re-seeding to do in the backyard, but the place is looking great to my very critical eye.

This morning I’m off early to Nanaimo to go to the Mental Health Clinic for my assessment and then I’m meeting a long-time friend, Bev, for lunch. After that, I hope we’ll walk Sheba together. I expect to do well at the assessment, but my fluency comes and goes.

•

Sanditon ended satisfactorily. I am glad Charlotte did not end up with Sidney (but I’m sad she did not end up with Mr. Stringer whom I found far more desirable than Sidney.

Also, I found Charlotte to be a disappointingly flat character. She is bland whereas everyone around her is far more interesting; everything revolves around her but she barely develops whereas Esther Denham has a magnificent arc with Lord Babbington.

I read that iTV had hopes of a second season but the audience numbers in the UK did not warrant it. If the numbers were big here and in the US, they could, perhaps, find a partner in PBS and have the funds for a second season.

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As for Vienna Blood, with Oscar’s rival becoming the new head of the police division, the trope of the enemy boss has become tiresome to me. Both lead characters are in conflict with their bosses and it’s a tiresome and boring source of tension. However, I still like the series and I thoroughly enjoyed Sandtion

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My friend Bruce has cancelled his trip to Europe due to the Covid19 virus. I think he was wise to do so as his first month was in Italy and the virus is spreading considerably there. So yesterday I was busy making alternative plans for places to stay. It’s starting to get scary how far and fast this epidemic is approaching pandemic status.