More Treatment

I slept poorly Sunday night and woke up early to get ready for my trip to Nanaimo. I got to the ferry line up just past seven-thirty am, parked the car and took Sheba for a long walk. It was slightly cloudy but bright and warm-ish. I got back from the walk just in time to get back into the car and board the ferry.

It was a short ride to the mental health clinic where I filled in a form and waited for my interview. Noelle was the psychologist who assessed me and I passed or failed, depending on how you look at it: I was deemed severely impaired enough to be enrolled in the MMM group starting at the end of March.

MMM stands for mediation, movement and mindfulness; it’s a course designed to teach me techniques to calm my soul in advance of doing anything that causes my anxiety to skyrocket (as it did for the assessment; I could hardly speak to Noelle). I’ll be part of a small group that meets weekly for two months; free trips to Nanaimo are mine for the Mondays of April and May.

I’ve a plan to have adventures after some of my sessions but today’s assessment was only half an hour, followed by a walk with Bev and Sheba and then lunch with Bev, and I came home absolutely wasted. My body hurt I was so tired, so my plans for adventures are being re-evaluated as I type.

I thought I was cured of my symptoms a few weeks ago, and I am at home where it is quiet, predictable, familiar and calm—and where only friends visit. But when I venture off the island, my fluency disappears. I speak with great difficulty and it exhausts me. I’ve no idea why speaking is so tiring; it must take a lot of effort.

The MMM program sounds challenging but worthwhile. Noelle says it’s important to push myself beyond my “comfort zone;” this program is certain to do that. The movement part appears to be only half an hour; the rest of the time involves speaking so that is going to be my weekly challenge.