Sunday, August 28, 2016

One or two people, at most, per day.

I made a peach tart with puff pastry. I blind baked it then
baked it again with the almond filling and peaches and
couldn't get it out of the pan. Must learn more!
My new ring. I always wanted a diamond ring, but
a non-ostentatious one. 
Some time ago, I fell into living by a rule: Do only one thing a day.
Every day, therefore, involves walking alone for fun or to accomplish errands or having a “date” with a friend to take a walk or share a meal or to go to a movie.
Friday’s thing to do was to walk to the PNE to meet Dianne and to do a walkabout through the fair together. Dianne, however, fell ill that day so I found myself alone at the fair and being alone amidst the crowds had me flush with PTSD symptoms. I start having my episodes.
Saturday’s thing to do was a mini high school reunion. About forty alumni of the Class of ’65 met for an evening potluck supper in a gorgeous manor home belonging to one of us. It was a terrific night but it was tough for me. I had two episodes and the second one was bad. I took my medications but even so, when I got home I was so wired that I felt like I was going to explode. I felt like I was racing inside. I felt too “wired” to even close my eyes.
Now it’s Sunday morning. Today’s thing to do is to go to dinner with four friends. I expect it will go okay but I feel defeated.
After each event of late, I return to the sanctuary of my home where I think about the episodes and their witnesses and become overwhelmed with regret and shame.
I can’t help but feel I should not see people but I don’t like the sound of a guideline like that. Instead, I’m thinking I should only see one or two people at a time and I should avoid “loose” crowds at all costs.
(“Loose” crowds are free roaming hordes. They’re hard for me to endure. “Tight” crowds are what I experience in theatres where everyone stays in their seats; I can handle tight crowds easily.)

So the new rule has to be: One or two people, at most, per day.

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