Friday, January 12, 2018

Flooring Day

The studio floor actually gets laid today. I’m breathless.
In anticipation of moving in, I worked all day yesterday on my craft supplies. It was like Christmas. As I opened each box to see what was inside I was excited with anticipation because I’d forgotten about a lot of things I had. I found things from past projects that flooded my mind with wonderful memories.
I hung up some things in the studio just for fun and it felt as good as I used to feel on the first day of school with all new art supplies and scribblers and embarked on a new adventure and beginning.
I have a Hell of a lot of stuff. When my ladies come back, the place is going to be packed with stuff. But I lived on a houseboat. I know how to store things in a way that requires a small footprint. I may put my body parts in a hammock. (Mannequin parts.)
I’m sure I ‘m going to sleep in the studio in summer with the door open. It’s so big and bright and cozy.
And of course the best present of all was the arrival of the tiles. The truck delivering the tiles was able to back up pretty close to the entrance of the studio but the crates of tiles were so heavy that the dolly sank into the ground; Darrell and I had to carry the heavy tiles into the studio. Two cases were broken. Darrell’s wife is going to arrange for replacement cases to be sent sent.
They ain’t pretty; they’re dirty water grey/beige. But they’re 13” square. The decision was mine and I’m fine with it these large tiles will go down quickly.  
I’ve been in house arrest since April 9, 2016. I’ve stuck to myself and seen only close friends who’ve come to visit.
Since that date, I went to my friend Bruce’s apartment to see the fireworks, I went to a movie and I made a (memorized, rhyming) speech at The Flame. (I used vocal tricks that all stutterers use to communicate.) Every one of those things brought on seizures. That’s how I’ve learned my limitations living with C-PTSD. I’m pretty screwed up but there’s nothing I can do about it.
That’s why choosing to go to the fundraising meeting yesterday was so significant for me and why yesterday I said it felt like going for a walk, unarmed, with hungry lions.
I went having submitted my idea on paper and with a plan to stay silent. I had an explanation that I can’t speak easily recorded on my speaking app. But I went more confidently than I expected due to what I learned from the TV show about stuttering that Dana sent me: When I talk, I’ll breath from my chest.
It went okay. My speaking wasn’t too bad at all. The meeting was kind of loosy goosey and no decisions got made but I’m pleased with my contributions and Michelle said she’d be in touch.
One thing about which I am very happy and that happened yesterday was that I left Sheba at home when I went to the meeting. She was alone here for about two hours and when I came home there was no evidence whatsoever of trouble. That was a first. I have never left her alone before.
She hates the car so I figured why take her and make her lie alone in it on a horribly miserable day when she can stay at home with the cats and where she is most comfortable and it worked. I am extremely happy because now I know I can whip into the village and leave her here on her own.

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