Survival Thesis

Two seemingly very significant things that Dr. Shoja has said to me are these: That I should not be a recluse and that I should not venture out of my comfort zone. So tomorrow I’m going to discuss with her the reconciliation of these two directives because for me, going outside alone is to be out of my comfort zone.

So this is my survival thesis: I consider every activity carefully and limit the frequency and duration of every activity away from home.

In 1987 I led a very complicated life. I had to take eighteen pills a day — some with food, others after fasting for an hour and others that required two hours of fasting after taking them. I could only eat between 8:00 and 10 am, noon to 2:00 pm and 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm. It was brutal and I did it so I can live with rules again.

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Today another week begins wherein I wonder if I will hear about my play. As everyone says: No news is good news and living with hope is pleasant. However, my impending course in ASL has lessened my dependence on the script as a source of invigorating stimulation. I am so tempted to write to ask but I keep thinking that it’s not a good idea. But I will if I’ve not heard at the end of this month.

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Bruce called last night. On Saturday he left the hospital and went to Bowen Island with his sister. Then, on Sunday he went to his apartment with Jane and they stayed there overnight so this morning, bright and early, he goes back to Holy Family Hospital. Two nights away and he did brilliantly. I’m going to visit him today. After today he’s only got two more days in hospital.