Thursday, December 8, 2022

Finding Peace

Wednesday occurred under a dull sky. We walked in the morning with our friends and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves because it was slightly warmer than it has been of late. And then I came home to the chaise longue with blanket, drink, glasses and Commissario Brunetti. He’s good company although not as good as Bruno.

Early in the afternoon, I turned on the generator and did clinic work and ordered some fabulous new and ideal light bulbs. These are bulbs that have a small battery in them, so that when there is a power failure, they work for 4-5 hours. Reading by candlelight is not good, and holding a flashlight is tiresome, so these bulbs will be a great asset.

Late in the afternoon, I turned off the generator and Her Highness and I went for a short afternoon walk. Then settled in for the evening. We’d been advised that the power, out all day from 7:00 am, would come on again at 6:00 pm., but it came on at 5:15. Bonus! So, the night was a very comfortable one.

I’ve made a shift in my thinking. I wrote a conciliatory email to Frani, ending the tension that I was carrying about our relationship, and I have chosen not to have any ambition when it comes to clinic work. Seeing the nature of the relationship between Dyan and Nancy has made it easier for me to let go of seeking order, and to work with what exists. Nancy must see all our communications, but we aren’t permitted to see hers. Go figure.

She is the clear leader with her background in rural heath care. She’s so vital to us that she can operate however she wants. But she’s worth it. Like everyone else, I succumb. But I hope my understanding of the human dynamics of the board, will help me go forward with less stress. With that resolved, and my relationship with Frani resolved, I have the clear mind and soul that I need to work on the monologue. 

Over the next three months, if the monologue is a go for me, I’ll do clinic work, but I’ll be doing what’s asked of me, working without initiative in order to live in peace. And my mind will switch to the monologue and not clinic board dynamics.

I’ve done a monologue once before with my speech impairment. I got through it last time and was elated at the end. The audience reaction was explosive but had no value to me. I was too proud of having done it without any glitches to care about anything else. I was part of a storytelling collective for years. I was in a familiar space and there was no concept of performance. It was just great, great storytelling (with the odd dud).

This is a monologue festival for actors, and perhaps a playwright or two. I think I’m going to try to Zoom with someone to advise me, to coach me, on my physical presence when I do my bit.

If I get in.

Every day, I hope to hear about the monologue festival. Surely, next week. Today will be another day without power. Yay Generator! 

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