Halloween

Bright and early — 8:30 am in fact — I see a Dr. Pimstone, a cardiologist about my erratic heartbeat. I guess then I will hear whether or not I will be getting a pacemaker.

Purpose? Improvement?

Yesterday I saw this old man in the mirror and I asked myself, “What are you doing old man? Why are you embarking on another show the world doesn’t need?”

Then later — as can be seen in the photo on the previous post — I threw a cheap ugly feather boa from the dollar store around the neck of the dress form and instantly the dress looked much more passable as a (silly) dress for my show. With the boa, I felt I could get away without the accessories — at least for now.

I plan to make one more dress. Then I will have four finished dresses: The peacock dress, the cardinal dress, Vivicean’s bridesmaid’s dress and whatever other one I do and that will be plenty with which to give readers of my script an idea of what the show (the main concern of the script) would look like.

My next main task, therefore, is to write the script. The only point of the dress is to have something to do that gets me on my feet. Writing involves too much sitting. Once I have the script, I will have to decide on whether or not to pitch my idea to a theatre company (and which ones) or whether or not to produce it myself.

For me, writing the script means finalizing the dress choices and writing the curatorial text for each one that links the dresses to the exhibition theme.

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My speech has definitely changed for the better.

For one thing, speech for me now is far less painful. I can speak quite quickly without any muscle contractions at all. I no longer staccato repeat initial sounds. Instead, I have gaps in my speech and some sounds get extended.

Instead of s-s-s-s-s-s, I now do this; ssssssssss. If I want to say the word, “suddenly,” you don’t hear a dozen “s” sounds when I start my sentence, instead you hear a protracted single “s” sound — like the sound you might make to imitate the sound of leaking gas.

Suddenly my speech is almost fluent, but with gaps and some extended sounds.

It seems quite sudden to me. It’s also interesting that it has occurred concurrent with a return to writing and making properties for a show. Otherwise put: Could my return to “working,” a return to being creative be the reason for my sudden and dramatic improvement?

Done.

It's done. Well, the basic dress is done. I have the hat, shoes and blouse to go.

The yellow ribbon is going. The incoming ribbon is red and large and velvet. This dress will be displayed in the show but not worn. To me, the photos make it seem ungainly but in life this dress presents very dramatically. It is dangerous. It's feathers are like (plastic) knives.

BAD Back (but progress on the Cardinal)

Since Friday, I’ve been cursed with severe back pain. I did it somehow while working on the cardinal dress. Yesterday the pain was relentless so I could not do much work — rather, what work I did went very slowly. In the evening, my angina was at an 8.

I am still very stiff and uncomfortable. I takes me ten minutes to put on socks. I am going for physio today.

I’m almost done with the feathers for the cardinal dress/costume. I am addicted to making them. The whole point of the dresses when I began was to get to the rote feather making — it’s what I love the most. I am soothed doing endlessly repetitive tasks — when it comes to my projects and chosen activities.

Each feather is cut from a plastic plate, folded and then flattened on the rounded (back) end. Then I use hot glue to attach it to the armature. I have glue burns as well as a tortured back as souvenirs of this dress.

My cardinal inspired creation is more a costume. It’s a very literal interpretation of a bird. And now, with the feathers on, it has some personality, but this is a dress that lacks luster without its accessories: high yellow tight boots and the hat. I’ve yet to make the hat and boots.

Cardinal Advance

I have come a long way with the cardinal dress but I have ruined by back. I hurt it twisting and bending and now I can barely move. Regardless, I am really pleased with its impact.

VERY Excited

Now the cardinal dress is starting to look really good. Each feather is cut from a plastic plate, folded in two directions, glued and applied. It takes forever; I could not be happier. You can get an idea from the white spots of how shiny the red plastic feathers are. That's what I love. It's perfect for a cardinal.

I am very very pleased, a little surprised at how much I like it and relieved that is has worked. Still, its all about the hat. Wait.

Faith Renewed

I am embarrassed to admit that I got so stressed about my angina that I made it worse, so my asthma doctor, Dr. Dorscheid, put me on a St. Paul cardiologist’s waiting list. Now I am on two waiting lists and my anxiety has almost disappeared — I feel twice as close to a solution and that the problem is not as bad as I thought. I still have angina but I am not despondent all the time and f**ck that feels good.

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I’ve also renewed faith in my Cardinal dress but is doing papier maché ever messy.

I was not truly happy with the armature; it was a plan B — acceptable but not ideal. Next I applied the papier maché and again I was disappointed. I’d envisioned a smooth surface but the papier maché dried with hills and gullies. But as did what I always do, I persevered.

Yesterday morning I fondled the hills and gullies and pondered what to do. Then I thought to crumple some tissue paper and use duct tape to mold into a gulley. Then, once the armature was padded to the shape I wanted, I applied red tissue paper with gesso and I was truly happy with it.

At one point, I stepped back to check its profile and I was overcome for a moment because I was so happy and relieved. I thanked God for my creative nature; it brings me ultimate happiness, its an escape from stuttering and anxiety and it makes being solitary so productive.

In the afternoon, I tested the folding capacity of the red plastic plates I bought to try for the feathers and it’s beyond ideal. I can hardly wait to start making and applying them. They are going to look spectacular.

Then the hat; the punch of this dress is it’s hat.

It takes me about a month to make a dress. I work hard and every day but I take time off too. When I tire of making props I work on the script. 

Space is going to be the problem. My condo is going to be full of dresses but if I get the displays for the show, I hope I can manage. One thing is clear: I am going to have an excuse not to entertain for a long, long time.

Ahead: Revising some dress concepts, completing the list of accessories I will make for each dress and which ones will be worn and the pearl dress. I already have a vision of it and can hardly wait to make it.

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Notice how my posts are more and more about my show and les and less about my condition?

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Love this: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt.