Monday, July 24, 2023


I saw some expensive non-twisting, non-crushable hoses that don’t kink and cut off water. They were at Canadian Tire, but I rationalized not spending the money. But when I got home and thought about it, watering is something I do every day, and the kinks are constant and very frustrating, so I went to Amazon and got two 100-foot hoses—they were cheaper than at Canadian Tire, too!

Then I took Sheba for a walk. Yes, I walked, and with just a cane. I think both Sheba and I were glad to have a taste of routine, but I didn’t take my walker. I took a cane, and that was a mistake. I needed to rest and wanted the seat of the walker. Next time!

When I got home, I started watering and then Nancy arrived. She brought me her zero-gravity chair to use to take weight off my back. What an incredible device it is. I love using it and may get my own. Nancy is the most caring and wonderful neighbour. She is a dynamo and everyone in the hood loves her.

I was on the move all day. From 9:00 to 4:00. I did nothing inappropriate; I did little things, but I never stopped. I watered all the gardens, did laundry, went shopping, put cushions away because rain is due, vacuumed, and did dishes. I joyously crashed at 4:00 to watch a series about the Chelsea Garden Show. And through it all, I had very little pain.

Not until evening, did I feel constant modest pain. It was nothing compared to the day and night before. The only difference, be it causal or coincidence, is that the bad day followed a sleepless night, and the good day followed a good night’s sleep.

Today, I’m not planning on doing anything but reading and puttering around the house because water is dripping from the clouds. To call it rain, would be to exaggerate, but everything is damp and that is very, very good news. 

When I was a young and novice arts worker, I made the news (not intentionally) picketing outside cultural institutions led by Brits. I felt our cultural institutions in Canada were the last vestiges of colonialism in our nation. I was young, I knew everything. Now, my choice is to watch nothing but UK films and series.

Etched onto the aluminum container bearing my ashes should be: He followed the path of least resistance. I always thought of myself as a ball shot into a pinball machine, or as a bubble going downstream in a brook where it’s perennially sunny. I never had a plan.

My school made life decisions for me. They programmed me for university. I studied English, the beginning of the path of least resistance. It was a useless degree, so I took another year aat UBC so I could become a teacher. I hated being a teacher, but I had to do two years to legitimize my degree and become a registered BC teacher. I quit at the end of the second year.

Then I made the first decision for myself, and that was to work in the professional theatre. I went to an emerging theatre company in Vancouver, The Arts Club, and was accepted as an apprentice. I worked for no salary for a year, learning about theatre, and then the Arts Club hired me. I became a stage manager.

The big money in stage management was doing national tours. So, after two years with the Arts Club, two of the best years of my life, I went to France to learn French. And when I came home, a friend told me about a job I might be interested in. And for the rest of my life, I did things only for a few years. And then I’d take advantage of something else that came my way. I had no goals, except to keep going forward.

I had no material ambition, either. My choice to go into theatre came from something born into me. I started putting on plays when I was four. I knew nothing about my heritage, and I felt no kinship with the relatives of my adoptive parents, but I knew I loved theatre. And there, at the Arts Club, I found family. That choice was the right one for me.

I don’t like thinking about the future, fearing this, or hoping for that. I’ve always been a bubble and I ain’t gunna change. Bubble to the drain. 

After another good night’s sleep, aided by marijuana, I am feeling good again today. It feels wonderful to be able to move about without pain. Every once in a while, I cause myself to feel the searing pain of a pinch to the nerve, and I get tingles in my leg, but the constant low-grade pain is gone—at least for now. 

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