Stickin' With Dr. S.

From the Unexpected news Department: I got an email from a friend in our fitness group saying, “I went for coffee after exercises with some of the girls.  Romela keeps donkeys and goats, bees and geese. Darcy, the dancer was an OR nurse at VGH, and Belinda worked at the Post Office.  Two of them have a crush on you.  They think you are the image of Bruce Willis.  I didn’t want to spoil your cover.  So, there you go. You have a fan club.”

NASA posted an illustration of Pluto’s orbital timeline. The entire history of the United States has unfolded in the time it’s taken Pluto to orbit the Sun once.

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Yesterday began under brilliant blue skies, but by 11:00, when I had my Zoom session with Dr. Shoja, it had clouded over in thin clouds, and soon thereafter, light snow started to fall. It went on for hours, but no snow stayed on the ground. Late in the day, the snow turned to rain and through the night it warmed up and rained hard.

I told Dr. Shoja that I was thinking that yesterday’s session would be my last for a while, and her response was diplomatic. “I’m here to help whenever you need me, and it’s your choice as to when and how often you wish to see me,” she said. She said more, but I can’t recall what she said. However, it was clear to me that she felt that we should keep talking.

I was a mess in our meeting. It was extremely difficult to speak, and my shaking, jerking and bobbing were in full force. She suggested that the deterioration in my condition is a function of my newfound understanding of my abuse, and that as I continue to process the implications of my diagnosis, I should stay in touch with her. I found myself eager and grateful for her advice, and I am sticking with my monthly sessions.

It still shocks me that I am someone who needs psychiatric care. I am still shocked at the destructive power of childhood neglect. And I am extremely grateful to our social network that provides so much care to me. CAYA and Dr. S. have made living with my symptoms easier for me.

Dr. S. was impressed by my return to fitness classes, and she was also very much in favour of my initiatives to be with people. (I told her I’d been having people over for dinners and about my strategies for socialization—like having no single visitors who exhaust me too quickly.)

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I’m fine with this heavy rain. I’m happy to have a nice big warm fire and read and putter through the day. I have a meal to plan for Saturday and it must be vegetarian. It’s a dog walking day with my friends, but the rain may ruin that. Her Highness and I may walk alone.