He noticed. He heard it and I am embarrassed and a little ashamed. I want to say, “I can’t help it.” But I can and I must. He heard what I have been hearing for the past while—the anger in me.
Often, of late, I have come home from conversations with friends and thought to myself: I sounded so cranky. Am I turning into a cranky old man?
An example: Bruce, who travels extensively, has a conversation with Wes. Bruce tells me about the conversation and mentions that Wes said to Bruce, “I’d love to travel.” And I am triggered. I hear one friend "bull shitting" another and I cannot stand it.
Why does Wes say to Bruce: “I’d love to travel.” He has the money and the time to travel but he hasn’t travelled for years and won’t. I know it and he knows it, so why does he say that? For that matter, why do so many people say things that are palpably contrary to their nature?
And I am off. I call it Mindless Interaction Syndrome. Millions do it and often. I think; Friends deserve better. Friends deserve “mindful” (conscious) conversation. That is my current credo and it's this attitude that is turning me nasty.
And it’s why I hate cell phones. They trigger me as further evidence of how poorly friends treat each other. Poor Bruce. Last night, when we were together, his triggered this inherent anger in me of which we’ve both become aware.
He called me on it last night. I am lucky to have such a good friend. He did it for my benefit, not as a complaint and for that I am truly grateful. His comment is evidence of a valued friendship and it’s the antithesis of the mindlessness of, “Id love to travel.”
I need to relax. I must “chill;” I must Stay Calm and Carry On and indulge Bruce his iPhone. Because for every iPhone moment there’s a gift like his question: “Why are you so angry?”