Meet Mary

Friday started early because of some fucking early-operating robocaller. I got up, didn’t answer it, and lit the fire, fed the pets, did the dishes and tidied up a little because Leo stayed in their new house last night and he is coming over for a visit. He and Merrill move in, next door, next week. This is the latest deadline. I’m off to walk Sheba with our pals, and then I’m going into the village to get my inhalers.  

When I got home, there was an email from Leo. He’s gone back to the city because they painters and finishers have another week of work to do. So, deadline #4 has failed like all the previous ones, and he cannot move their stuff in yet. I was sad not to see him. 

Instead, I put all my groceries away and practiced some glossing. Glossing is the process of transcribing an English sentence (I’m never lonely because of my pets.) into signing syntax (Me never lonely, Why? Pets constant companions.)

Then it was time for lunch and some reading. I wanted some down time yesterday because Kevin and Shelly were coming over in the early evening to play games and at 4:00 I had my regular weekly session with Gus.

My session with him was rough. I could not speak at all, so I did a lot of signing and that went well. I can feel my signing improving and I love that.

Kevin and Shelly and I had a really fun night playing games and they loved my pizzas that I make and that are true to the FODMAP diet. We had a great, great night and as soon as I left, I went to bed and slept like someone on anaesthetic. 

And this is Mary…

Close your eyes. Seriously close your eyes and relax. Feel your comfort. Feel your safety here together. Relax. Relax completely. Let yourself float on a sea of contentment. Breathe in, slowly, then breathe out, slowly. Okay, now do it. Stope what you are doing and do as I ask of you. And when you’ve done that, come back to me.

Now…. think about living with the name Mary Lamb. Just think about it. 

Did you think about the nursery rhyme?

The message of that song is to be kind to all animals. But Mary’s little lamb was very likely to be eaten by Mary’s little family or sold and slaughtered like all lambs back in 1806, when this was first printed in Boston.

That’s what I tell people who ask me to sing the song, or who sing it to me, or who ask me if I’m famous Mary’s great, great granddaughter. Honestly, people can be so lame!

I’ve been asking myself for a long time why it bothers me so when people make fun of my name. I wonder if it’s my name and its consequences that made me such an angry person. Or I was born angry? I don’t know. Maybe puberty made me such a bitch because it brought me disappointments. I’m a Lesbian cliché: the angry dyke. 

So… I decided to change. I closed my eyes; I felt my comfort. I felt my safety, and I floated. Is that the past tense of float? It sounds so odd. Anyway, I floated on a sea of contentment, and I resolved to make changes and be a happy person. I proposed to Gail, and I’m going to change my surname to hers when we get married. That’s one thing done.

And I’m going to get a nice dress, a proper wedding dress, and so is Gail. And I’m thinking of that dress, not as a wedding dress, but as a transition dress, because after the wedding I’m going conventional—well lesbian conventional. I’m going to dress even maybe a bit more than merely conventional, to respect Gail. New name, new status, new look. Not angry.

My eyes are closed. I’m relaxed, I’m feeling my comfort and safety, and I’m visualizing who I’m going to be. I like what I see.