Tuesday was a perfect day. It was so warm and bright! How could anyone feel poorly on such a day?
I was out early watering, and then Sheba and I went for a gorgeous walk beneath a cloudless sky and through a field of tall golden grass. We saw not a single person; it was silent in the forest. There wasn’t even bird song. When we got back to the car, we went into the village to shop for the things I need for the green curry I made late in the afternoon.
Mid-day, Bruce wrote to say that he and Caryn had cancelled their trip to Denman, so I won’t be seeing them at all. I was crushed. But Lydia and her gang are here on the weekend, so I will get some friendship time soon.
I’ve been a rebound dieter for the past seven years. I indulge in my favourite foods—baked goods—and get fat. Then I diet with incredible discipline to get by weight down, and every time I resolve not to go back to baked goods and fail. I love baking and eating all I bake.
I week ago, I stopped baking and eating baking. I’m also being conscious of serving size every time I eat. I’m not doing the extreme dieting I’ve done in the past, I’m just eating like I should have been since the last time I dieted. I want to seriously lower my weight. Today though, in Nesters, the sight of a chocolate long john made me swoon with desire. I was sorely tempted, but I was good and passed it by.
Last year, I lost 50 pounds. When I weighed myself last week, I’d regained 30 of them. I hope that by next Summer, I’m at the weight I should be—around 170 pounds. That’s the plan. And if all my days were like today, I’ll succeed. Today was go, go, go. I did endless little chores all day. I was always on the move and burning lots of calories.
I’ve begun action to apply for the federal Disability Tax Credit. The DTC is a non-refundable tax credit that helps people with impairments, or their supporting family member, reduce the amount of income tax they pay. I am arranging for an appointment with Dr. Shoja because applications are made by caregivers.
I think I’m eligible. The DTS website that says eligible applicants are “unable to speak so as to be understood by a familiar person in a quiet setting;” or, if it takes “3 times longer than someone of similar age who does not have the impairment” to speak. Right now, it definitely takes more than 3 times longer than a speaking person to say anything. But my situation changes, so that’s a chance I’ll have to take.
Any way that I can save money, I’m in! I want to stay in this home until I can’t. With two guest rooms and the studio, I can have a caregiver live here with me if I have enough cash. (Most of my money is in my home.)
‘Out there,’ in I rely a lot on the written word. I write short essays when I go to a medical appointment, or to a government office, even for a store in case I can’t find what I’m looking for. But lately, in the stores I go to, and fast-food places, and restaurants, I’m encountering kids that cannot read cursive script. I can’t use my iPad, either, unless I can get on the store’s wifi. But that takes a lot of time, and I often have people lined up behind me.
So, I’ve been considering getting a phone, but it hurts to pay for a phone and service when I live somewhere where there’s no signal for phones. I only need a phone when I am away from here—maybe six days a year. It’s a waste of money for me to have a cell phone, especially when there’s no certainty that I’ll be able to speak into it. I’m going to have to carry my iPad with me and type into it to show clerks and servers. I use gesture and mime effectively in the dental clinic. They are very comfortable with me, and I with them. I use single words, mime, and gesture a lot with people.
I just bought my iPad. But it’s awfully big to lug around. I’d rather have the smaller one Apple makes. The software I use is $700. I had it on the computer that just tanked and so I can’t put it on the iPad. I need to buy it again and get it on both iPads. I want to get the tax reduction to recover some of these costs.
It's always tough for me at this time of year. Yes, it’s stunningly beautiful out there with Mother Nature, and the weather is perfect, but the fear of winter sits heavy in my body. I dread the coming of the dark and wet. I remind myself that I’ve been going through them all my life and found a way to enjoy each one, the dread is here. I have over 50 books to read. Still, the dread is here. Going outside, I feel as I do when I have a dying pet. I think it’s the fires that allow me to sustain it each year.